IT'S MY DEVIAN
Egotistical

Counting already a month after their honeymoon, and the relationship between husband and wife went well. Although Karin has recently been a little more sensitive, especially if the employee or secretary Juna spontaneously said ' Miss Karin looks more radiant, is it because of pregnancy?'

Pregnancy! The word that until now was very unwilling to be heard by Karin, even Karin had not yet also told the true reason to Devian.

Karin is sad to see Devian's hopes are huge in having children. Therefore, Karin convinced herself to tell the truth now. Karin did not want Devian's pseudo-expectations to continue.

" Dev, I want to say something."

" Sit down, baby!" Devian stroked Karin's hair gently, waiting for his wife to speak.

" A-I," Karin had not yet spoken, her focus was forced to be interrupted by seeing a testpack near Devian.

" Who's testpack is that?" ask spontaneously Karin.

Devian smiled thinly. "Secretary Juna gave it to me, when I was so happy to see the parents who were dropping off their son Kindergarten. I was gonna keep this, afraid you'd feel like I'm forcing my wife to get pregnant." Devian took the testpack." Hmm, honey do you want to try it? I looked in the pregnancy book, she said the pregnant woman was a little sensitive. You have been that way lately too. Can I hope?"

Karin remained silent for a while.

" I can't be pregnant, Dev." said Karin.

" I know you're scared of the outcome. But, take it easy I just want you to check it out. Fear, if there is really our child here we do not know, is not the risk of miscarriage is very high? I don't want to see you sick."

" Free Dev! I'm not pregnant."

" why? Oh, don't you want a testpack given by Juna's secretary? You want me to buy you a new testpack, baby?"

Karin shook her head." I can't possibly be pregnant, Dev! You buy me how many testpacks I won't be able to get pregnant!" Karin looked at Devian, trying to gather her intention to tell the truth." I-I actually take the contraceptive pill. I can't be pregnant, Dev." said Karin.

The Devian World seemed to collapse hearing that. He wants a child from the woman he loves. But, the woman he loved so much even took the contraceptive pill. Something that was completely against his will.

Doesn't Karin think of her as a husband?

Doesn't he seem stupid expecting a child in every romance? In reality, the boy never existed.

Devian was disappointed of course. Very disappointed! But he chose to be quiet.

He got up from his seat, intending to get out of the room. Before he could get out, Karin first held Devian's hand. Karin could feel disappointment in Devian.

" I'm sorry, Dev." said Karin.

Devian reviewed a forced smile." It'sit's okay. You may not be ready to have children. It's my fault, I should have asked you in advance your readiness."

Karin's feeling guilty." I want to have a Devian.But-But-," Karin is confused as to how to explain it.

" V! I-i,"

" Warin! I really want you to get pregnant. I always wanted to feel how to obey a woman who is cravings. I want to be a standby husband when his wife is pregnant. I want to have a very cute little baby. I want to be a good father! But it's all just my wish! I can't force you if you're not ready. I can what!?" Devian immediately left Karin afraid of her emotions and her sense of disappointment grew.

...****************...

After that incident, Devian's attitude was increasingly indifferent to Karin. No sweet speech, sincere attention, and loving gaze. Karin understands Devian is still trying to control his emotions. But, Karin was not used to being ignored.

Unable to bear the situation, Karin tried to get close to Devian.

" My husband, are you still angry?"

" Yet! Discuss it later, when my anger has subsided." Devian's answer made Karin feel sad.

" I'm sorry." said Karin while hugging Devian.

Devian only briefly rubbed Karin's head, then let go of the hug.

" Devian wait! I actually want to have children, too, but I'm scared." Karin could not tell the truth, because the doctor said it could happen or not. Therefore, Karin only gave reasons for fear or not ready to Devian.

" What are you afraid of? Do you not believe that I will always take care of you? I love you Karin! I want to have a child with the woman I love. If you are afraid, I will always accompany you. Or if you are not ready I will always wait for your readiness! But you prefer to lie! Give me a clear reason so I can understand your situation!"

" I can't explain it, Dev! Can't you understand without knowing why? I'm just scared!"

I don't know why Devian was sick of hearing fear from his wife. Her ears were like burning hearing Karin always say that. He who tried to hold back his emotions was getting more emotional hearing the cliche's reason.

" fear? Are you sure you're just scared? Even the woman out there was scared, Karin! But they did not deceive her husband for fear! I promised to look after you and take care of you if you got pregnant, so what are you afraid of?" Devian was filled with anger. As much as he could, he held back his emotions and feelings of disappointment just for the reason of fearing his wife. He always does his best for Karin! What else is he afraid of?

On the one hand, Karin has an inexplicable fear, while on the other hand, Devian feels Karin is too selfish and childish.

Not wanting his emotions to hurt Karin Devian even more left Karin alone at home.

Karin who saw the departure of her husband could only cry hysterically. She could not explain her illness, as doctors could not confirm whether the illness from her mother would occur to her while pregnant.

Karin does not want to disappoint Devian, because she knows Devian really wants children. Only a fearful excuse could Karin say, hoping Devian understood.

Karin knows Devian loves her very much. And for that reason, Karin did not want to tell the truth. If Devian finds out, Karin makes sure Devian will bury her biggest wish.

Karin took some time to decide on that pregnancy. He wanted to tell the past that was always covered by his family. The past made her feel afraid to have children. There are two reasons Karin fears telling the truth. First, Fear Devian feels sad and blames himself or both fear Devian covering up his greatest desire for her sake. Therefore, they should calm themselves.

No one is to blame, they have different perceptions and thoughts. They need time to equalize perception or may be forced to choose one.