Just My Ex Husband
Part 6 - Is life not a choice?

A month had passed after Frans' departure from my mother's house. I never tried to contact Frans, nor did Frans ever try to contact me.

Maybe he's too busy with his newfound happiness, but let it all be that I don't want to care anymore, I don't want to hear about Frans anymore.

Either Frans won't call me, or I'm too good to shut down all access to communication with Frans. Whatever it is, the most important thing since I decided to erase everything about Frans, I have to start learning to live without Frans.

Had to learn to get used to my day without Frans' help and attention.

I'm sure I can get through all this. Even if it is difficult, I will face it.

Is life not a choice?

I must be prepared to accept all the risks I have chosen, even though I know it is difficult for me. At the very least, I will be freed from a household that can only stifle the chest.

I must be ready to accept all the blemishes of destiny. Not just sick about the betrayal that Frans had chastised. The one thing I feared after this, was the humiliation people had towards me. Because, soon I will officially bear the status of a widow.

In social society, however, the connotation of a widow is always wrong in their eyes.

Some are afraid that their husbands are taken, some are insulting that I am not acting to take care of the husband.

Not to mention the men who would have abused me if they knew I was a widow.

No more husbands would protect me from the savageness of their views on women. Because, I've given up the name of Madame Wicaksana after my departure from Frans' house.

To be honest, I don't want to be in the current position either. But I also don't want to be a slave to a love that gets hurt again, and then forgive again. Cry again, forgive again. I can't be that kind of woman.

This decision is very appropriate in my opinion, whatever the consequences I will face.

I walked out of the courtroom, my whole life I never imagined I'd be entering that shameless room.

I saw Frans with a disheveled, unkempt face, the fine fur on his jawline growing out of shape. He looked at me, not wanting to get out of where we were standing. The look in his eyes clearly did not allow this divorce to happen.

"Don't touch me Frans! From now on I've been haram for you." I said firmly.

Frans was just about to touch the top of my head with a feeling of pity, as soon as I took a step back to avoid Frans' hand reaching out.

"Come back to me, Jenn." Frans told me.

While behind where I stood there was my mother who also accompanied the trial.

Mother looked at Frans fixedly, her inner mother thought the same thing as me, if Frans still did not let this divorce happen.

"No Frans. I'm not the kind of woman who changes decisions easily." I reaffirmed my life choices.

Frans should have known more about my attitude. Maybe actually Frans really understand my attitude, just from the look in his eyes a glimmer of love for me is still there, I can still feel from the way Frans looks at me. But, it's too late, my decision is already unanimous to part ways.

"Frans let's go home, pity Alea and your son waiting for us at home."

My mother-in-law who accompanied the trial, she tried to dispel Frans' attitude that still could not move on from reality. Maybe the goal is for Frans to realize that women in this world are not just me.

There was still another woman, there was still Alea who was loyal to her love. Even Lina purposely confirmed the words of the child from her words, so that I realized my shortcomings that were unable to give Frans offspring.

Frans didn't listen to her mother, she walked two steps closer to me, then whispered right in the recess of my neck.

"I'm sure one day you'll come, and beg my love back Jenn."

I had goosebumps to hear Frans whisper, but I also realized I had to be strong.

"That would never happen Frans."

My tone was deliberately emphasized as much as possible, because Frans and I had no ties anymore.

Finally Frans went with Lina, and left me still standing in front of the courtroom.

"Patience son, I'm sure Jenny can certainly go through this period" said the mother who always faithfully accompanied her daughter.

Mom clasped my finger and stroked the back of my hand gently lovingly. She tries to channel a mother's power towards her beloved daughter.

We walked to the religious court parking area for the ride home, hoping my mood would be a little better after leaving this place.

•••

The sun began to fall on the western horizon, refracting a red glow of twilight in the vast sky of my mother's yard.

What a beautiful sight. Staring at the courtyard of the house that refracts twilight light behind the petals of flowers blooming in the courtyard.

One glass of warm sweet tea refreshes my mind quite a bit, hoping to slightly reduce my burden of still being immersed in the wounds of divorce.

I was sitting on my mother's porch, my brain started spinning great to find solutions to my economic life after the divorce with Frans.

Where am I going to find a job?

If building a business business certainly will not be easy, of course, must have a large enough capital to start a business.

Finally, I decided to try to find job information via the internet. I wish there was a chance for me there.

About half an hour I was looking for job information, I stopped at a job fair advertisement for one of the companies engaged in textiles and property.

In the job fair ad will hold a walk interview on Saturday, for job applications can be brought when the walk interview takes place, or it can also be sent via email whose address is already listed in the job fair ad.

"It's Saturday, the fifth, eight o'clock until it's over."

I read the ad a second time.

"Crazy! That's tomorrow!"

I screamed in disbelief, because the time was too fast.

That is, tonight I also have to go back to Jakarta, because the walk interview will be held in the morning at eight, and I do not want to waste this opportunity.

Whatever I'm gonna do for my survival with mom. Not only about the material I was looking for, I also needed more activity to forget all my problems, I needed to busy so slowly I could forget Frans.

Just staying home will make me regret all the decisions I have made.

At least if later I get accepted to work, my focus is not only on the past.

I had to reorganize my life to become the new Jenny, of course, opening up new life expectations as well.

•••

The most painful thing when everything used to be, suddenly the state of forcing becomes foreign.

Miss Viona