LOVE ME, MAMA
Part Two | ⁇ Same Wound

I'm Lyra not Swara.

☔︎︎_

The man who introduced his name Arkan, drove me right in front of my entrance, and after I got out of his car, he drove away without saying anything.

I looked at the house that stood firm with all its luxuries, there was hatred in my heart, I wanted to rebel, asking for the rights I should have had from being a baby, but until this moment I never felt

I shed a tear that without me noticing flowed by itself,

The house that was supposed to be Heaven for every inhabitant, but not for me, it seemed to be a witness as to what I was injured thousands of times, he said,

Slowly I began to get used to something I knew was wrong, but I did it anyway.

You know, why?.

Because every thing I do, it's always wrong in her eyes.

I took my feet slowly, but my tears flowed again, remembering everything I had been through in that house.

"No Lyra, you can't cry, don't cry, Lyra is a strong girl"

"I'm Lyra .. not swara, the crybaby girl who usually just cries.. I'm Lyra the strong and Wild girl .. I don't care about anyone else. I only care about myself..".

Only that word is capable of making me realize and without complaining about destiny..

"I'm Lyra not Swara" I kept pressing that word in my heart and mind,"

I was too late with my thoughts.

Until I unconsciously entered the house, I do not care about there or not there are people there, which is clear I just want to lie in bed and talk to my diary book.

"Swara, where are you ??"

I stopped my steps for a moment, then I stepped 3 back without looking at the interruptions from her.

I kept walking towards the stairs, no matter what reprimand or insults I was about to get

"SWARAAAA!" This time he raised his tone, though,

"Stop acting to children, don't be your wild girl "

Hearing that, I stopped stepping, a faint smile etched on my lips,

She's Aryanti Altha, the one I've known all along as Mom, but to me she's not my mom, don't think I'm a stepdaughter, you know,

didn't ? I'm his biological son, I'm his number two son.

Prok.prok.

I clapped, then turned to face where he was.

"Since when did you start paying attention to me..?? And Yha I'm not Swara the weak girl who when mother scolds her she will just fall silent and cry..Wild girl"

Sounds disrespectful, I don't care.

I've held back a lot of disappointment in his attitude towards me.

"Why can't you be as polite as Sera, your brother huh..? " I bite my lips, do any of you like to be compared, right?

My chest is creeping in pain, the ever-different 180-degree rotation of my childhood spinning in my brain.

"SERA, SERA, SERA JALASS!! " My emotions exploded, I don't know how many hundred times he compared me to my feet.

"Did Mama do the same thing to me and my sister?, didn't she?, what Sera got, I always never got!!"

"Mama raised me and Sera with a lot of differences, then I should be like Sera's sister too?"

I smiled bitterly.

"Don't Ma, and yha hasn't mama ever cared about me? then why now ....? "

I stopped my words, remembering something.

"Tell me what you want ?" I was still staring at the woman in the dress

"Mom don't have to pretend to care about me, ask me why I just got home, mama see?" I pointed at the entrance, as Sera had just returned home

"Mama's beloved daughter has also just come home, then why don't you scold her like me, why don't you look suspicious like you suspect me? "

I asked a question that might sound like I was disobedient to her, but believe me all this is just a form of my disappointment in her

"Sera came home late because she went to college, while you're running around not obviously spending money on useless things..?" Mom pointed at me, I smiled bitterly.

"It's enough Ma. don't go on. Let Swara explain" Sera approached mama, stroking her arms full of pleas.

I looked at Sera with an annoyed look.

"You never know where I am ? You just deduce what you think is right without finding out, I know I never thought I existed"

My blood has gone up, my emotions are on the edge, my chest is tight, it hurts every time I have to argue with it.

I ran upstairs, towards my room, my tears were already breaking a lot, I pressed my chest hard.

Even though I said "Don't Cry" I ended up crying too. ;(

I looked at the rows of neatly arranged dairy books on the glass table of my room, I don't know how many I don't know.

I threw my body in the bed, I threw my tears at my teddy bear.

"What's my fault Ma?? Why do you always distinguish me from Sera?? I am also your daughter .. Then am I wrong ?? I'm sorryf... " Isakku is crowded

I looked at the neatly arranged diary there, the story of my life was on it, not a single blank paper was passed, all I had managed to scribble with my black ink...

Red Diary of my rose, I took a pen of matching color, I began to write among the tears that kept falling

☔︎︎

Diaries..

Would it be my fault if I wanted to be in the same position, I know, my story with my feet Sera is like the earth and the sky...

God, I wouldn't blame every fate you wrote me, would I ?.

But may I ask for one thing.."I want one day Mama to assume my existence in her life...

God, I'm just an ordinary girl that you created from the land, is it my fault if I want the affection of Mama..?? Is it wrong of me if I want to feel the warmth of Mama's embrace??

God, I won't ask for more, I just want you to assume my whereabouts, as you should..

I Love You Ma..

Lyra Altha's.. ⁇

_

How many times have these tears shed soaked every scrap of my black ink..

I looked up at the sky in my room, I let my tears flow down my pillow,

Right now I feel like there's a big lump in my chest, my heart really hurts, my heart just feels hard to pump air..

_

I heard footsteps entering my room..

"Movie.."

I knew whose voice it was, but I refused to look

"Swara is dead!! " My eyes are thin,

Sera smiled, she walked up to me.

"You're not a swara, then why are you crying, you crybaby !!" Sera patted my shoulder slowly.

"I'm not crying" I said, but clearly my tears were still reluctant to stop flowing

"You don't have to lie to me Swara, I'm your sister, I know what you're feeling right now, excuse me!!? " This time he stroked my hair.

"Please don't call me Swara, you're just gonna make me cry more and more and then go...??" Get rid of me, I put his hand on my head

Sera was silent, yet I could still feel her presence beside you, not budging in the least.

"Cry, cry, if you are calm, you can cry!!"

She hugged me, I could feel her tears dripping down my hands.

"I'm sorry, I failed as a sister to be a good sister to you, I'm just the reason you're disappointed with mom"

"I'm sorry Ra, I'm sorry"

I heard Sera sobbing, maybe her heart hurt to see me who was always compared to her.

I hugged her tight, cried all the time, saying that I was always hurt by Mama's attitude towards me.

☔︎︎