My beloved sister
Pre-wedding Photos

From that moment on I felt my life was so broken and messed up, it felt like I had no spirit and reason to live in the world. I live my days in despair. Every day I live like an undead who just live activities without hope and enthusiasm, my eyes are empty, and this body moves like without energy.

I don't even feel like I have a reason to live, my Shanon is gone, so why am I living in the world? Even over and over again, I was reckless to ride my motorcycle at such a high speed hoping that this body hit something hard that my body shattered like my heart was breaking right now. However, at that moment I felt a voice calling me, a voice I knew as well as that of Shanon who always asked me to wait the same, as we promised.

After that, I could only shout while repeatedly calling her name, hoping for a miracle where that time would come, when I could meet Shanon, the only woman I loved so much.

For two years I lived my life so hard. Until finally before my graduation in high school, my mother came to me and spoke to me four eyes.

That afternoon, as I was sitting on the balcony of my room, I stared at the twilight sky that was so stifling my chest. Yes, dusk feels so stifling this chest, but I don't know why I always like the atmosphere of twilight. I used to always hope that dusk would be a witness to my love for Shanon, but it was actually twilight that witnessed my farewell to him.

It was then that my mother suddenly came closer to me, sitting beside me looking at me with her warm gaze, holding my hand.

"Arsen, I know for the last two years you've been living a very hard life, without you telling me, you know you've had a very deep heartbreak. Although you don't know what the details are, but you know it's very hard on you."

Hearing my mother's words, it felt like this chest was back tight, but I just kept quiet. I admit I turned out to be so fragile, behind my burly body, behind the intelligence of my brain, it turns out I was so weak when dealing with love, yes is this as complicated as love? A love that can never be understood by logic.

"Arsen look at my mama's eyes!"

I then looked at my mama's eyes, the black eyes of the middle-aged woman looked so cute. "Arsen, ever since I married your father, I've considered you my son, and I love you unconditionally, you're just like my son Ethan." I saw Mom's eyes glaze over as she said that.

Hearing my mother's words, I spontaneously embraced her body. Mama Larasati, my stepmom who I once hated so much, is now the one who raised my spirit, and my hope. I hugged her tightly as if sharing the sadness and brokenness of my heart for the past two years, and she listened to all my grievances, and advised me with tender loving words.

Our conversation that afternoon made me decide to leave all my grief behind. I will try to live my life with a new spirit, until one day I can expect to meet my Shanon, even though I know it feels difficult, the existence of Shanon and his family is even like lost in the earth.

I also continued my studies abroad, precisely at Cambridge University so that I could focus on my education. Hope to start a new life and close the wounds and bad memories of the past. I deliberately took two study programs, so that I was busy so that there was no time to think about Shanon, but in fact my brain abilities were different, all my college assignments were still easy for me. In between my spare time, I keep trying to find the whereabouts of Shanon, even though the results are nil.

During college, I never went back to Indonesia. I came home when both my parents died in a car accident. My heart is broken, this is the third time I have lost someone I love, but I am not as fragile as I used to be. Now I have grown up to understand the meaning of life, and have understood what sincerity means.

A week after the funeral procession papa and mama I immediately returned to continue my master program at the same university. Until near the end of my study period, I was surprised by a news when Ethan's brother was going to marry a woman who is the son of his business partner, his new business partner was a businessman who had long settled in Japan. I also promised to attend the wedding.

But when I saw the pre-wedding photo of Ethan, I suddenly dropped my intention to attend the wedding. My world seemed to be falling apart again, the confidence I had built up over the years seemed to collapse.

I froze for a while when I saw the picture of the girl, all sorts of feelings clumped up inside my chest. At the same time, longing, disbelief, destruction, and happiness filled my heart. I feel both happy and sad at the same time. When I knew that the woman I loved was alive, I had to lose her. Yes, right now I have to realize that my Shanon belongs to someone else, and ironically that person is none other than my brother, Ethan.

Seriate...