Pseudo Shadows
00 _Prologic 00

My world just broke. My mentor just got dimmed. My happiness has just disappeared.

I've just been digging up suffering for myself...

My childhood friend, my lover, my heart, the source of my happiness, I have made him go....

Please forgive me, I miss you. Please come back, I want to hug you. Please...

I, Aihara Shizune, am a girl who should be grateful for getting someone who loves me, but I made her disappear from my presence even I made her disappear from this world. There have been many mistakes that I have made over the years, but only one mistake that has left my heart dead.

I have a lover whom I love more than anything, someone whom I should have put more trust in. But I wasted her love. My jealousy had suppressed him, and my speech had eliminated him. Excuse me.

"Already Ara! Stop this! It's not all your fault, look at me son! He left because of destiny. Don't be like this please." My mother hugged my thin body and wiped away the traces of tears that had flooded my face.

All this time I never went out of the house or even visited a place that used to be my favorite place. I was just too embarrassed to step my foot into a place where all the memories with him swirled around in my head. I have not been able to completely let go of him.

One week I spent my time crying, and I didn't go to school anymore. My life was so ruined that my body felt so limp as to stand up. This is the effect of my regrets.

"Mom, I miss Roki." I really miss him, very much.

Mother tightened her arms and kept saying that I was not the cause of her leaving, even though I asked her to leave.

My heart was throbbing pain, my head was also getting dizzy, my vision was getting blurry. I always feel this after a whole day of crying. Oh my God why does it hurt so much?

Before long my vision turned dark and my consciousness was slowly taken away.

****

It was normal that after crying out loud I would end up unconscious. I went back to see her in the morning, and it felt like my body was so limp. My situation is getting worse, why doesn't God take my life now? I was tired, I wanted to see him in heaven. I am really tired of taking this regret.

Chequek!

Mother came with breakfast and a glass of milk on the tray, her face was increasingly panicked as she walked hastily towards me. I'm sorry for making you so hard, I'm really a useless child for you.

"Dear Aihara, please stop thinking about it! Mother please! Don't cry anymore, your eyes can hurt."

Oh right, I didn't realize my tears were back flooding my face. I can't see clearly either.

"Stop this! Sad hockey sees you like this. Ara is completely innocent, Ara is a good boy." His wrinkled face had also been shed by tears. My situation also made someone hurt? Then what should I behave like?

"Mom sorry..." My mother woke up my body and helped me to sit down. He also fed me painstakingly, I still swallowed it even though the food was tasteless. "Sorry to trouble you, sorry Mom." I said in between my mouth.

She shook her head in disapproval of what I said, "Don't apologize! I don't need your forgiveness, I just want you to be happy."

"But how? My happiness is gone."

Roki. sorry.

"Mother has enrolled you in a new school, you can get another happiness there. Please forget about Roki, that way you can get a new love, a new happiness. Hm?"

"New school?"

"Yes, I hope you can find happiness there."

Yes, I really should do that. Stay away from everything that reminds me of her, that way I can easily let go right? I don't care if people call me a coward because this is my way of forgetting him. I hope I can be truly happy.

"*Can I like that guy?"

"What do you mean?! You're mine, you can only like me! Your heart is only mine, you can't share it with anyone!"

"Yes yes! Myrish*!!"

I miss...

"I'm full already." Though I had just swallowed five mouthfuls, but my stomach had not received any more mouthfuls.

"A little bit, this is a drink." I grabbed a glass of milk and drank it, the taste also remained the same, bland. "Ara spirit! You can be happy!" I smiled as soon as I saw my mother clenching her hands in the air while cheering loudly.

"Thank you."

My mom is the only parent I have. My father left before I was even born. My mother struggled to raise me alone, but she remained strong even though my father left her alone. Shouldn't I have learned a lesson from mother's struggle?

But I still can't, I'm too fragile. I hung my life on him too much. It was my fault.

It's not just a year or two that I've known him, it's been since we were kids. I used to be a person who likes to be alone because of that I have no friends, it's just that Roki came and invited me to play. He was the first man who could make me laugh. Almost every day he would visit me and take me on a road to a place I had never been. Until one day when I was in 10th grade, she started to express her feelings. Trust me, I'm so happy.

"I've always tried to hold back this feeling, but for now I don't want to hide it anymore. Aihara, I love you. I'll make you happy until the end."

Right until the end, your promise is right you keep it. You really love me, make me happy until the end.

"Mommy has prepared warm water, quickly clean your body. I'll be right back."

Even one more drop, my tears really came out again. Not so hard, it just feels so painful.

"*Basic jerk! Do you really love me?!"

"What kind of question is that? You doubt my love?"

"YES! I DOUBT YOUR LOVE SO MUCH*!"

I shouldn't have said that. I should have controlled my emotions well. I should have listened to his explanation. I should've... I should have believed it.

"*What do I have to do to prove how much I love you?"

"Did you dare die for me?! That way I can trust you*!"

I'm just too naive. Please don't hate me. Ii'm sorry. I love you so much. Do you know how sorry I am? I don't even want to live my life anymore. I want to be with you. Roki please take me with you. 

I don't know how sad I am now. I just lost too much. Can I forget you? Of course you can't, it's going to be hard. I really can't accept another man, just want you.

#BBC#