Scribbles Eve Pen
The Inner Wound of a Wife

"Mas! Tomorrow, if payday, buy Fira a school bag, pity. Fira's bag is already on the hole, and the zipper is also broken." I ventured to talk to my husband about the state of our child's bag that was no longer fit to wear. Mas Doni worked as a security guard at one of the factories in Surabaya, his salary was three million net monthly, not to mention there are extras such as overtime and bonus money, he said, from one of the soldiers who also became a security guard there, but Mr. Purwanto almost never came to guard, he would only come just to be absent, after that would go again, he would just come to attend, therefore, every payday, Mr. Pur always gives additional money to Mas Doni of four hundred thousand. "Heleh, wong bag can still be made, do not be rich, you don't need to be rich, the child just shut up, but you are the one from yesterday confused asking for a change, the school, what are you Fira?" doni doesn't like it, and it happens every time I ask for something. Mas Doni would say he had no money or reason to make him not meet what we needed. Once again, I could only remain silent, and shed tears of pain, pitying Fira, always had to be forced to nerimo when his father was able to suffice, but Mas Doni, who was a poor man, he never cared what his son needed. Different again if the family asks, Mas Doni will certainly immediately grant.

A few days ago, her sister came with her daughter who was the same age as Fira. His arrival always carries a certain purpose, and not far from money, always like that. Hana came to borrow money on Doni's car for seven hundred thousand, he said to buy his son's new shoes, I don't know why my heart always hurts when I see Doni put money on his brother and his other family easily, whereas if me and his son who asked always just reasoned no money, no money, Astagfirullah until when I was able to survive as a man does not have a heart like him, honestly I began to get tired.

"Do not cry, if you want to buy this it is yes you work, do not just ask and ask, it is easy what money is!" The rough touch of Doni's mas then stepped his feet away leaving me still sobbing in front of the television. "Mom, don't be sad, Fira is not papa, Fira's bag can still be used." my son smiled, trying to calm himself, but I know, in both of his eyes save grief, 'forgive your mother son.' My mind feels claustrophobic.

"Dear, be patient, son! later when we have a class increase, we move to the village, in the mother's house, so that mother can work and can meet the needs of Fira. Now that we are patient, dear, do not forget to pray with God, ask to be facilitated and given patience." I hugged Fira in the arms, it was very painful to see the sorrow in his eyes, since Fira was born, I was born, mas Doni was very stingy, almost never willing to buy what Safira needs his son.

"Later in the afternoon my mother came with Heru, this is money, you shop and cook good, my mother and my sister want to stay here for three days, you settle the guest room, you, and serve my mother and sister well here." asserted Doni while handing over a hundred thousand rupiah, I just kept quiet without wanting to reply to his words, tired and hurt with all his attitude, he said, every day, Fira and I were given only fifteen thousand dollars and that should be enough, and every day, my son and I just ate tempeh and vegetable soup, sometimes just crackers and soy sauce, even my son rarely can buy snacks like other children. But, if there is a family that comes, of course Doni mas will give more money, it should also be able to provide good food and snacks to entertain his family. Again I just kept quiet while enduring the deepening pain.

After delivering Fira to school, I rushed to the market, this time I only shop for chicken and eggs, plan to use only bali seasoning, and buy banana kepok oil, too, make fried bananas for snacks, money leftover twenty thousand, I can save for snacks Fira later, imagine my son can buy snacks this heart feels very happy, pity Fira who always harbors the desire, Fira who always holds the desire, can only look at his friends while waiting in line to buy his favorite snack.

After the market, I prepared the seasoning, and boiled the chicken. Later on, Fira went to the new school to continue cooking, because her mother and Heru will come at four in the afternoon.

"Mom, grandma is coming?" fira asked as I started cooking in the kitchen. "Yes, it will be four o'clock" I answered flatly, seeing my son was singing his lips a sign he did not like. "Why son?"

"Fira is not comfortable Mom, grandma always likes to snatch Fira, not to mention Heru who likes to ask Fira and there will be mbak Bila, not to mention Heru who likes to tell her, surely grandma and dad will praise and love to mbak If, Fira feel not considered." my daughter, can already feel and understand how her father's family attitude to her, she said, even mas Doni himself also behaves the same, more affectionate and prioritizing Bila, his older brother's son.

"Please, God willing, I will make you happy and love Fira son, because I love you so much as this smart and good mother's son." I hugged my son tightly, I hugged my son, tears I can no longer bear, 'wait, Mas, I will respond to your attitude more hurt than the wounds you gave me also my son.' My mind swore.

"Correct, make you a cold drink, thirsty for long trips." my sister-in-law ordered me when I came to greet her by crucifying all, which Fira followed behind me. "Yes, mom. Wait a minute." I said flat and went straight to the kitchen to make iced tea.

"Let Fira love her ice Mom, mom prepare her rice and vegetables, grandma says she wants to eat, is hungry she said." I smiled thinly and nodded at my little girl who was used to being independent.

"Kok tumben Sih, you only cook chicken with eggs, usually meat soto. In fact, the mother had imagined eating meat soto earlier, eeh was only treated to chicken just as well as eggs." protest my in-laws did not like, but his mouth from earlier did not stop chewing, but did not stop chewing, he even put it twice on his plate. Astagfirullah hope I can hold this anger, yes Alloh, my mind is upset.

"I'm sorry, Mak. the money is not enough, but Doni just love the money a hundred thousand, and the rice also happens to run out, so I can only shop for chicken as well as eggs." I reply withstood the tightness in the chest.

"Everything, you are work, so the woman should be all-round, so don't care for the husband's money, just like you, bother the husband's name." replied the mother-in-law ketus, 'Astagfirullah, if not the old man I've squeezed his mouth.'

"Awas loh, Sih. It's the season of actors, your heart, if you just wear a shabby negligee with random hair, don't blame Doni if he has another woman outside." sahut mbak Hana without sin, smoothly his mouth commented without thinking, if his words have hurt my heart, whether they are not aware, what kind of mas Doni treats his wife's child, if his words have hurt my heart, let alone buy clothes and cosmetics, to eat only I must be able to be economical, Ya Alloh forgive my heart if the stronger the determination to leave the mas Doni and his family who do not have this heart.

"Already, already. You do not like to talk to Han, but yes where there is money he made and, just eat a ride with Doni." quipped the cynical mother-in-law, I chose silence and did not want to respond, but the heart was more and more convinced to choose to leave for the sake of my sanity and mental health and my son Fira.

'Look, I'm sure, after this you'll regret your rude remarks to me, and your insults will come back to yourself, you don't even know if your husband has married the beautiful widow of his co-worker, after it was revealed, I want to know your evil mouth is still able to talk as you please again.' my mind was talking to itself while staring flatly at my husband's family, without them noticing, I had already prepared a reply that was far more painful than their treatment. I'm sure, Mas Doni will beg me later, and if that time comes, my heart is frozen, and this love is gone, there are those who hate and want to see them ashamed and regret their words.