The Heart of Old Menjakaka
23. Haven't loved you
Steven shook his head quickly. "I don't hate you, Cit. But I don't like it. Ah .. I mean maybe love. Yeah ... I haven't loved you."
Maybe the word dislike can be interpreted as another parable, so it would be better if Steven just explained to the point. So that Citra does not misunderstand.
"Oh ...." Yes, Citra knows Steven doesn't love her yet, but it feels like the question just left her confused again for Steven's answer. "Even so the first night should be done with a loved one?"
"For me it is."
"But I love Om."
"You love me?" Steven frowned. The word love and like it has often been heard from the lips Citra, but until now she considers it all just a joke. "Why can you love me? Not that the late father said ... You have never dated, huh? Did you ever like men?"
"If dating has never been. But I'd be normal, would've loved and liked men."
"Cause to love me why? Is it because I'm handsome?" Just this time, indirectly Steven like so confident that he is a handsome man aka handsome. If you remember—semenjak just meet Citra always call him with that designation. Not by name.
"Yes, that first one. But not just handsome. Om is also a good man. Anyway Om is so perfect in my eyes, that there's no gap that I can't help but love, Om."
Citra's answer is very honest, but somehow impressed so much and seemed to be in contention. It made Steven chuckle amusedly.
"Kok Om laughing? Is something funny?"
"Your words are too much, Cit. I am a human being and I have many flaws. Not as perfect as you said just now and .. I really hope you just think of me as Ommu, nothing more than that."
"I mean I can't love, Om?"
"It's not okay, but I just don't want you to get hurt." Steven's words sounded ambiguous.
"Why can I be hurt? Is Om gonna hurt me?"
Steven smiled thinly. "I will try not to hurt you. But if we love someone .. we also have to sincerely let go if that person is not our soul mate," he said seriously. It seemed that what Steven said was like from the inside of the heart.
"How do you mean?" The image looks confused, Steven answers did not succeed he digested. "We're a match, Om."
"Do you know where we are fighting? Match God's secret."
"But we're married, that's a sign we're a match, right?"
Steven shook his head, the glare of his eyes looked so solemn and stared in Imagery. "Married does not mean we are friends. If the soul mate is that easy .. people will not be divorced until he becomes a widow or widower."
"So you don't want us to be fooled?"
Steven let out a rough breath, then rubbed his face. Although a little explained in fact the girl did not seem to understand. Looks like Steven should just end it. "No, I didn't want to, but I told you that it's God's secret."
"But we can too, can't we hope?" citra asked, her face somehow became sad, her eyes were teary. But he quickly rubbed it. "I want only me to be a mate, Om."
"If not you how?" Next to Steven's eyebrows raised.
"Yes, you can't be fooled by other people."
"So suppose we divorce ... continue you mean I can't marry again?"
"Why are we divorced?"
"For example."
"Yes that's not going to happen. Om has to be my soul mate until I die. And vice versa. I'll be Om's soul mate until Om dies. The point is we're fooling to death."
"Leave it. Keep ... So the point is how?"
"What core? About a soul mate?"
Imagery shook. "No, about the first night and the honeymoon."
"I told you .. I can't do it."
"Because Om doesn't love me yet?"
"Yes." Yeah."
"That means love .. can you?"
"I doubt myself that I can love you, Cit."
"Indeed why? I'm beautiful." The image immediately washed his hair, and immediately Steven only realized if the girl's hair had turned black.
"Because I consider you my niece, nothing more." Steven stood up, then tidied up his plate and the Citra plate. Then take her to the kitchen.
The image of sitting pensively with teary eyeballs, his two hands slowly crushed his nightgown and before long his tears escaped wetting his cheeks.
The words Steven spoke were painful. How not, Citra is his wife. But Steven considered him a nephew. Is this fair to him?
Quickly Citra ran into the room and closed the door tightly. With a limp step he walked towards the bed and immediately sat his butt up there.
A picture frame that was under the pillow immediately Image took, his fingers slowly felt the frame glass. It was a picture of him and Danu.
"Dad ... Why did you have so much heart for me? Why would you lie if a handsome Om likes me?" The image sobbed, this was not the first time he complained of having been lied to by Danu.
However, this time it felt much more painful than yesterday when Steven asked him to keep the marriage a secret.
Because it was Steven like expressing his heart to Citra, who only considers him as a nephew. In fact, the love that grows in the heart of Citra is so deep and increasing every day.
"Why does Om handsome even consider me his nephew, Father? I'm his wife. Why?" The image sobbing more he then wiped the tears on both cheeks. "I ... I love Om Ganteng, love him very much. But why isn't he? Why doesn't he like me and not want to fuck with me?"
"Dad ... Why did you ask me to marry a man who doesn't love me at all? Wh why? Why are you so brave!" The image slammed the frame into the mattress with emotion, then raised both legs while hugging the knees. Back Citra sobbing. Sad, disappointed and hurt it becomes one. "Dad .. I love Om Ganteng. I want him to love me too. But what should I do, Dad? What should I do so that Om Ganteng can love me?"
***
Ting ... Kegs.
Ting ... Kegs.
There was a bell on the door of his apartment, Stevan who had finished washing the dishes then opened the door.
"Good night Mr. Steven," said a girl who was standing in a red dress, she looked so beautiful with a full makeup polish attached to her face.
His arrival suddenly made Steven shocked and widened his eyes. Quickly he went out and closed the apartment door, afraid that Citra would find out.
"Why did you come here and know where my apartment came from?" steven asked with an annoyed face, his eyes darting in astonishment.
"I know from Aunt Sindi, he said I told him to come here because maybe you forgot. We're gonna go watch."
...si Citra nangis noh in the room, Om Stev. kok have the heart ya kamu🥲...