Bald-headed
Ch. 36

The illness is now more severe than it was initially, though Sugi is different from most.

There are three other people with this disease here, and all three are summaries of my practical experience with it.

They, unlike Sugi, are at the most advanced stage of Alzheimer's and are almost completely gone. They wake up hallucinating and confused. They repeat themselves over and over again. Two out of three cannot eat alone and will soon die. The third has a tendency to wander and get lost.

He was once found in a stranger's car a quarter mile away. Since then he has been tied to the bed. All can be very bitter at times, and at other times they can be like lost, sad and alone children. Rarely do they recognize the staff or people who love them.

Sugi, of course, also has his own problems, problems that may get worse over time. She was so scared in the morning and sobbing. He saw little people, like dwarves, I think, watching him, and he yelled at them to leave. She bathes willingly but does not want to eat regularly. He's skinny now, too skinny, in my opinion, and on good days I do my best to fatten him up.

But this is where the similarities end. This is why Sugi is considered a miracle, because sometimes, only sometimes, after I read it to him, the condition is not too bad.

There's no explanation for this. "That's impossible" said the doctors who became astonished.

But why are conditions different? Why does he change sometimes after I read? I told the doctors why. I know it in my heart, but they're hard to believe.

Instead they look to science. Four times specialists have traveled from this country to neighboring countries to find the answer. Four times they went without understanding.

I'm telling them, "You can't possibly understand it if you just use your training and books," but they shook their heads and replied

"Alzheimer's doesn't work like this. With his condition, it is impossible to speak or improve with time. Forever."

But we keep doing it. Not every day, not often, and definitely less than usual. Sometimes.

And today, all that was missing was his memory, as if he was suffering from amnesia. But his emotions are normal, his mind is normal. And these are the days where I know I did the right thing.

Dinner was waiting in his room when we got back. It's been arranged for us to eat here, as it always happens on days like this, and again I can't ask for more. The people here take care of everything. They were nice to me, and I thank you.

The lights were dimmed, the room was lit by two candles on the table where we were going to sit, and the music played softly as a background.

His glass and plate were made of plastic, and his teapot was filled with apple juice, but the rules remained the rules and he didn't seem to care. He took a little breath when he saw it. Wide eyes.

"Are you doing this?"

I nodded and he went into the room.

"That looks pretty."

He offered his arm as a companion and led me to the window. He didn't let go when we got there. The touch was nice, and we were standing close together on this slightly foggy night.

The window opened slightly, and I felt a gentle breeze fanning my cheeks. The moon had risen, and for a long time we watched the night sky unfold.

"I've never seen anything so beautiful, I'm sure of it" she said, and I agreed with her.

"I haven't, either" I said, but I looked at him. He knew what I meant, and I saw his smile. A moment later he whispered:

"I think I know who Birundasih went with at the end of the story" he said.

"really?

"Who?"

"He went with Sugi."

"You sure?"

"Very."

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, she did," I said gently, and she smiled back. Face beaming.

He pulled the chair for me with great difficulty. I sat down and he sat facing me.

He stretched out his hand across the table, and I grasped it, and I felt his thumb start to move like years ago. Without speaking, I stared at him for a long time, living and reliving the moments in my life, remembering them all and making them come true.

I felt my throat begin to tighten, and once again I realized how much I loved her. His voice shook as he finally spoke.

"You are so beautiful" she said.

I could see in his eyes that he knew how I felt about him and what he really meant by his words.

I didn't respond. Instead I lowered my eyes and made her wonder what I was thinking.

I didn't give him a clue, and I gently squeezed his hand. I waited. With all my dreams, I know his heart, and I know I'm almost there.

And then, a miracle that proved me right.

As John Coltrane played softly in the candlelit room, I saw him gradually giving in to the feelings within him. I saw a warm smile begin to form on his lips, making everything worthwhile, and I saw him lift his misty eyes towards me. He pulled my hand towards her.

"You are amazing. . . "he said softly, speechless, and at that moment he also fell in love with me. I know, because I've seen the signs a thousand times.

He didn't say anything else, he didn't have to say it, and he looked at me from another life that made me whole again.

I smiled back, with as much zeal as I could muster, and we stared at each other with a feeling within us that rolled like a wave of the sea. I looked around the room, then up to the ceiling, then back at me, and the way he looked at me made me warm.

And suddenly I felt young again. I was no longer cold or sick, or slouching or deformed, or nearly blind with cataract.

I am strong, graceful and proud, and the luckiest woman alive, and I have continued to feel that way for a long time.

By the time the candle had run out of a third, I was ready to break the silence. I said, "I love you so much, and I hope you know that."

"Of course" he said with a quick breath. "I've always loved you, Birundasih."

Birundasih, I heard again. Birundaich. That word resonated in my head. Bellevue. . . Birundaich. He knows, I think, he knows who I am. . . .

He knows. . . .

It's a very small thing, this knowledge, but to me it's a gift from God, and I feel our lives together, embrace it, love it, and be with it through the best years of my life.