CHOICES IN LOVE
31. Sasha's Oath And Promise.

…kenan Diandra's…

The shower on top of my head keeps my head refreshed. I stood straight under the shower, both of my hands constantly rubbing my hair and face, at a glance the memory of my debate with Sasha that just happened, made me speechless.

All my words and Sasha's words, twisted back in my brain, haughty attitude, all the insults and threats I uttered, and the calm demeanor Sasha showed, makes me feel a little guilty.

How also? last night I also enjoyed his body which made me satisfied with the pleasure. I admit this for the first time I feel this much in a relationship with a woman. All the women I've slept with have never been able to give me that satisfaction, and Sasha is the only woman who has succeeded.

Even Maura Darmawan, the ex-lover I loved so much up to this point, never gave that satisfaction to me. Yes, I used to have a lover who I loved very much, a beautiful woman who is a professional as an international model.

Maura Darmawan has been my lover for more than 7 years, I love her very much, she is the woman I hope to be my life partner, Miss Kenan Diandra. But since he pursued his career in America and France, our relationship has been strained. At the peak of when I wanted to propose to her in France, she said she was not ready to be a wife because she was still focused on pursuing her modeling career.

Maura not only said she was not ready to be a wife for me, she also asked us to walk alone, in other words parting ways for a while. Maura at that time was already at the peak of her modeling career. The rejection and split words that Maura said made my heart disappointed, the rejection of the proposal I gave Maura, made me think Maura Darmawan loved her modeling career more, she said, than me, her boyfriend of 7 years together.

We did what Maura wanted? from that moment on, Maura and I separated. But I still can't forget Maura and my love for her, so it makes my attitude and nature change as it is today. Arrogant, haughty, flat and cold to every woman and everyone, except my family.

Since then I have always vented my passion on every woman who wants to try to get close to me, not just any woman. Models, top artists, even some of the daughters of famous businessmen who are crazy about me. They only became an impingement of my passion and anger towards Maura.

Actually, if you look carefully between Maura and Sasha, they are both beautiful and graceful. Maura Darmawan who every day must look beautiful and glamorous, always wear expensive branded famous items, use makeup that is sometimes thick, and always must be perfect in every appearance.

As for Sasha Yorina, although beautiful she is much different in her appearance every day, simplicity is always attached to her, but if Sasha has dressed up and used branded goods expensive and branded, it is always, Sasha is no less beautiful. Even more beautiful, elegant and also smart when compared to Maura Darmawan.

There is a feeling of regret in my heart right now for all the words I said to Sasha. I sighed and thought back, I shouldn't have been rude to Sasha. What about it, isn't Sasha teasing me? but I am the one who really wants to help him to escape the influence of stimulants.

Last night when Leon wanted to contact Rion and Kevin, to help Sasha. I just disagree, I don't feel like the two men are touching Sasha, let alone that they will be in my private room? I replexedly said I didn't agree with the crazy idea Leon wanted to do.

Sasha was innocent, Sasha never wanted to tempt me like the women who had been trying to get close to me, and Sasha here was the real victim. The victim of a crime from someone and also the victim of the satisfaction I achieved last night. Again, I can only breathe.

Do I have to apologize to Sasha? for all the words I said to him. No, there's no way I can do that !! if that is what I do, I lick my own spit and deny all the words I say to him. No, I can't lower my pride in Sasha's presence.

Who her? a nobody to me? she was just a lucky woman who could sleep with me, effortlessly having to tease and chase after me first. She's a woman who should be grateful for being able to sleep with a handsome man, a successful and famous young entrepreneur, Kenan Diandra.

After taking a shower I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist, I didn't care about Sasha if she hadn't left my room. I'll just act like usual, haughty, flat and cold.

My gaze searched for that woman in every corner of my room, that woman was no more. My eyes looked at the bed, where was the blank check I gave Sasha? the check was still in place, the woman did not carry the check at all.

"is this another trick you're using?" I said as I picked up and looked intensely at the check in my hand.

"i'll see, what will you do next? are you going to use a sneaky trick on me with this incident?" I said with a faint smile looking at the check and pictured Sasha's sad face this morning.

I don't care about that woman anymore, after all she's nobody to me? She was just an ordinary woman who was unfit for me and far away when compared to Maura, the woman I had loved until this very moment. I still wish Maura would come back to me. I still wish Maura would be my life partner, to be Kenan Diandra's mistress.

...--------------------------------...

…Sasha Yorina's…

Along the way, all the eyes of the people who came across me, saw wonder and not a few of them were whispering, whispering something about me. I could only pretend to close my ears, but all of that still made my heart ache, everyone's eyes looked down upon me.

How can't they see me low like that? I came out of a luxurious apartment room, still wearing the evening dress I wore last night, my crumpled face was crying. I look like a night woman who just finished her job, like a seductress or a bed-warming woman of a rich man.

As much as I could I held back my tears, so as not to fall down my cheeks. But as soon as I was in the taxi I was riding, the tears that I had been holding back from that moment, also burst.

How hard am I to hold back and pretend not to care about my surroundings and people's views of me? I am still an ordinary woman who is fragile, and easily cries. I am a woman who also has feelings that can be sad, disappointed, and sick. I'm a woman who also needs a backrest for me to pour out all the grief I'm going through.

But that place I never had, I could only bear everything myself. I can only hold everything alone. I have to stay strong and strong for Mama and Ryota. My life will never be in a sentence that says, my life is happy, my life is fine, or my life is perfect. All those words were far from my life all along.

The cry I was holding broke, I couldn't stand it anymore. Even the confused taxi driver saw me from the mirror reflection of the front view of the car, I did not ignore. The taxi driver was silent giving me time to cry, he just did his job without having to bother asking me, what's wrong with me?

I stopped my crying, when my destination was near. I tried to wipe away all the tears and sadness on my face, and the taxi driver gave me a box of tissue to use.

"thank you" I said after receiving the tissue box.

"sama-sama lady…! sorry if I am presumptuous, sometimes crying as much as possible will make our feelings and hearts a little relieved, although it does not reduce or overcome all the problems we face. But try to be patient, strong and strong to face everything. It will produce the best results that we never even expected. I'm sorry miss.if I've been presumptuous." said the taxi driver who turned out to be very young and look handsome, seen from behind the front rearview mirror of the car, when I saw it intense.

"thank you. sorry, if I cry here and make you uncomfortable sir…!" kataku.

At least there are still people who do not look at me in a negative position. I'm glad there are still people who think positively about me. I could only smile at the taxi driver who was a little comforting to me, with his wise and soothing words to me at the moment.

I got out of the cab after I finished paying the fare. But a word from the taxi driver, made me a little more excited to live my life.

"at least you have to be strong in living life for yourself, and for the people you love, as well as those who love you too. All storms must pass, and rest assured happiness will come in the future for you, miss…!!" the taxi driver smiled sincerely at me.

"thank you." I smiled to return the smile she gave me.

I came back home, feeling better. That's right the taxi driver said, I have to stay strong and strong to live my life, for myself and the people I care about. Mama and Ryota, is my strength and my strong reason for surviving a life that I feel heavy, which sometimes always makes me despair and pain in my heart.

Everything passes, I have to stay strong. To achieve happiness in life is not easy. It takes struggle and effort that is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. I swore and promised myself, for the sake of making my mom and Ryota happy, from now on, I have to change and try to do everything and achieve what I should want.

I have to be sure, and very sure I can for it.

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