CHOICES IN LOVE
40. Sasha And Alan Feelings.
***KING Group Company***
…Sasha Yorina's…
The days that I went through were very heavy, heavier when I worked two places a day at once. From the moment I was assigned to be Alan Kendrick's personal assistant, I couldn't live a relaxed and calm life.
Alan was always acting out, giving me a stack of files I had to fix and work on, ordering me to cook for his lunch, sometimes accompanying him out of the office, and keep going up and down around the office go to another room to just pick up the files, or job reports that Alan needs right then and there.
I wonder what use is the phone on his desk? what good is his personal assistant who is always by his side? what is the use of CS and secretaries who have been serving every need? Why do I have to do it all myself?
I feel like Alan was doing that to me, he wanted to make it difficult for me at all times. I never thought that Alan was always so friendly, warm and considerate of me. Now it has turned 180⁰ to me, he always put on a flat face, being cold and uncaring sometimes cruel to me.
Anyway, why do I wish Alan would be nice to me? I'm just his subordinate at the moment. He is my boss, a superior whom I must obey and respect. Only hope is empty for me, if I expect Alan to be and will be as kind to me as he was. It was just wishful thinking and in my dream, we were just subordinates and superiors at work. I must know myself and always remember my position, only a subordinate employee of the KING Group company.
As long as I was his personal assistant, I felt that I was not his personal assistant but that I was like a maid or a personal servant to him. For a year my life will be hard and I will have to be strong. The personal assistant who had been with him all this time, was actually always with him. But always, he gave me a stack of jobs.
Every day for two months I've been through with great difficulty, I have to be strong and patient with Alan's every command. Not to mention every time I meet and cross paths with other employees in the office. They look at me dislike, trivial and sometimes look at me contemptuously. I'm like a pest to those who see me.
Flashback…
Once upon a time, my heart was completely broken and humiliated. While I was in the public restroom in the KING Group company lobby. I heard three female employees talking there, they were talking about me.
"you know that CS employee who was suddenly appointed as the CEO's personal assistant?" said one of the female employees who was tidying her hair.
"yes, I know." replied the other friend.
"she was CS moving from the branch office" said the female employee who was in charge of staffing.
"do you know what his name is?" ask the first woman to speak.
"if her name is not wrong Sasha Yorina." replied her friend, but whispered as she called my name. I could still hear his voice from the toilet room where I was silent.
"what tricks did he use? so that it can be lyricized by the CEO and suddenly adopted as a personal assistant to Mr. Alan Kendrick."
"yes, that woman is great with the tricks she uses, nor did I ever expect, if a CS could be close to the CEO of this company. I have worked in the financial sector for a long time, never once met face to face with the CEO directly" he said.
"surely she used her body to seduce the CEO, and I can't believe our CEO tastes that low. Farther than me!" he said he was bragging.
"Beautiful isn't, sexy isn't."
"don't let him sleep with the CEO a lot. You cheap woman, like a slut that doesn't sell at a nightclub, should she peddle her body in this company" one of them said.
"you're right, compared to the three of us. That woman is way below us, what does the CEO see of her? cheap women policy, *****not know yourself. Just see if Madame Bella finds out about this. It's history." said one of the female employees.
Accompanied by the crisp laughter of the three. They seemed happy to insult me, without them knowing that I was suffering from working alongside their CEO. If I can choose, I'd better be CS, or I don't work for this company anymore.
If they wanted to replace me, I would gladly give them my current position, even I would prostrate to them to thank them. They don't know what I'm going through? can they only see what they see from the outside?
Tears I could no longer bear to hear all their words, my hands squeezed the cloth of the pants and the outer coat I was wearing. I squeezed my chest withstanding the pain of their humiliation towards me, I was a cheap woman who didn't sell at a nightclub to peddle my body. It hurts, it hurts my heart. They said words that added to the wound in my heart.
The world was cruel to me, the world never gave me a quiet life. When can I walk by holding my head up? without having to swallow the bitterness of every insult they threw when they saw me. What are they accusing of all? that's not true. I was never what they said.
I kept my mouth shut as hard as I could, to quell the cries I was holding. From the toilet room I kept crying lamenting the fate of my life.
'mama..mama Sasha is not strong, mama...please Sasha, mama..mama…!' I muttered in my heart while continuing to hold back my cries.
Even to just pour out my heart to my mom, I can't. I don't want to add weight to my mind, I don't want you to suffer like me. It had been enough all this time that my mother suffered to raise me alone, without her husband and other siblings by her side.
Mama can not bear the burden that I have, mama must live quietly during her old age at this time. As soon as I remembered the figure of my mother who always accompanied me in joy and sorrow, I felt that I had to stand back. Mama and Ryota still need me, they are my spirit to rise up and face the life that has always been hard and cruel to me, there are still those that I have to take care of and need me.
Several times I sighed, to neutralize the turmoil of feeling in my heart. The pain that I feel now, will still hurt even more in the future. So if I am currently relented, how can I deal with other problems in the future?
I came out of the toilet cubicle after the three women left, I immediately washed my weeping face, out of heartache and lamenting my unfortunate fate that seemed to have no end to everything. I don't want the cruel Alan to see me as fragile, he has to see that I am Sasha Yorina who is always strong and strong in life.
Flashback…
...--------------------------------...
…lan Kendrick…
For two months, my life has been more colorful. I felt like there was a calmness in my life after Sasha became my personal assistant. He was like an amusement to me in his tired office routine full of work. In addition, when I got the family problems that never end, seeing the figure of Sasha who always obeyed my orders, making it a pleasure for me.
Giving him a stack of jobs and ordering him to do everything, makes me happy to see him obedient without fighting back, even though he sometimes tries to protest a little bit about what I command? the more he protests and tries to fight me, the more eager I want to trouble him.
I want Sasha to know, who am I right now? I am a boss that he must obey and respect. I don't want her to think of herself as the same as Sasha she used to be, she was just my ex-wife six years ago.
For that reason I was always cold and cruel to her, I didn't want Sasha to misunderstand if I was being nice to her. The tall and sturdy walls I had to build so that my heart would not be easily swayed and tempted by Sasha's strong allure of pulling me.
I admit the longer I look and pay attention to Sasha, the more my heart starts to waver. The attraction of Sasha's charm that used to be stronger, Sasha who now looks more mature and mature, she is getting beautiful and seductive in my eyes. But I have to stay sober to myself, Sasha is just my ex-wife.
There is still a wife and a daughter who are my family today, although Bella has never once been a good wife and mother to me and Serly. But Serly is a compelling reason for me to maintain my family's integrity. I must be strong for Serly's sake not to be easily tempted by Sasha's two-month charm.
Even though it wasn't easy for me, I had to be strong by always putting on a flat face, being cold and cruel to her. When my heart starts to waver, I will command Sasha something that keeps Sasha away from me. Whether it's ordering him to just pick up the files and reports I need, or ordering him out to make me a lunch or a snack that I like.
It was my way of avoiding Sasha if my heart started to waver at her. Sasha's shady and pretty face has always been the same making my heart comfortable and calm. His obedience made me go back to the past, when we were together as a couple. I have always liked her docile and sweet attitude towards me, I love seeing her smiling towards me.
It is a smile that adds to the charm of Sasha's beauty that looks more mature. Had we not had to separate, we would still be happy to be a couple. If Sasha used to give me a child, we wouldn't have to part ways. We will love each other and be a happy family.
But that's just the past, what I have to live with is the present and the future with my wife and daughter whatever the circumstances of my family with Bella. Only Serly is my strong reason for staying with Bella. Serly is my future.
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