For My Brother and Mother
God decides what I cannot decide.

My phone's ringing, I hope it's Rendy.

It's been 2 weeks that Rendy hasn't told me.

Last I met him I advised him to stop drinking and consumption nar*ko**.

My hope is that this relationship can continue without and said separation.

Someone's got their own vices, and I'm trying to fix them from Rendy, so she can change for the better, and there's a reason for me to keep her.

That's all I can do, I know a couple like that isn't good for me but I love him.

Rendy also wanted to stain me once but I refused her over and over again.

I remember the family that raised me at home, expecting me to be a good woman, thankfully God still protected me.

I've been spared from Rendy's tantrums whenever she's reckless, but stupidly I've always stayed in this relationship. I still wish Rendy would change for me.

After that meeting, he didn't tell me at all.

Neither the phone nor the sms had any answers. His house is empty.

When the text came in, that's why I always hoped it was Rendy.

I've been waiting weeks for news from him.

But my hope was in vain.

One day, my phone rang.

How surprised I was, my tears dripped uncontrollably, I silently cried in the room without telling anyone.

That sms from Rendy's little sister, she told me that one week ago Rendy had a single accident and had a severe brain gag, after she had surgery, she fell into a coma for one week.

I couldn't sleep all night, the next day I went to my mom to see Rendy. I didn't say much to my mother, either about Rendy's current condition.

I was escorted by Rendy's sister to the hospital, I was stunned to see her situation, when I first met her mother Rendy.

He was kind and seemed to be a loving and strong person.

How not, she managed to raise 4 children without a husband, her husband too often wander and rarely come home, even for once a year.

At that time I asked her sister to introduce me as her friend instead of Rendy's boyfriend to the other family.

There was a reason I did that, most importantly Rendy's condition at the time, that was what was most important to me at the time.

When I went to see him, I was given a chance by the doctor to go in to see Rendy who was lying in a coma.

His body was helpless, his hair was bald because it was shaved for the purposes of major surgery, oxygen hoses, milk hoses, medicine hoses where, running through his mouth and nose.

This one week only that special milk in the milk that he ate, only that medicine and oxygen that went into his body. It was so sad for him at the time.

I can't bear to see it.

I decided to leave, I can't bear to see him lying like that for long.

A few days later.

At that time during the month of Ramadan, tomorrow is the day of Eid for Muslims.

The echoes of takbir that night were mutually unpretentious Sahuttan.

I offer you the best prayer for Rendy and the best prayer for the people I love.

And right on that day.

In the middle of the night my phone rang again, I hope that's good news, I hope Rendy comes out of her coma.

But how surprised I am, I,

My phone fell after I read a text from Dea, Rendy's sister.

My tears could not be contained, breaking as it would be in the corner of my room.

Rendy died...!!!.

I didn't sleep all night I cried in the corner of the room, I remembered all the memories with him, why God could have ended his life, I murmured in my heart.

I kept crying in silence.

No one knew I was crying, not even my mother and grandmother.

The next morning my mother suspected, I usually do not wake up at this time.

Mom came into my room, I was a little bit excited in the corner of the room, mom came up to me uneasily.

"Kin you why, kok nangis", mother hugged me.

I started crying again, Grandma came up to me too.

"Rendy died buk", I hugged my mother tightly to endure the pain of losing Rendy and cried in her arms.

Mom and Grandma looked at each other, then mom told me to take a shower and get ready for Rendy's house, mom wanted me to see Rendy one last time.

After getting ready, I was escorted by my mother to come to visit Rendy's house.

When I got there Rendy's coffin was still sholated.

I sat next to her sister and mother who were devastated by it.

When Kyai finished sholling Rendy's body, the men appeared to be carrying his collar on their way to the cemetery, with all the crying breaking especially me.

I didn't expect God to take over, he decided what I couldn't decide, even though I knew it was a bad thing to keep it going but I kept it up for love.

So that Allah breaks this relationship with death, Allahhuakbarr.

God is so small in front of you. Forgive us.

After the incident I was moody for months, I often pray sunnah when I was upset and remember the incident, it was the only thing that could calm me down at that time.

2 Months passed, my school activities returned to normal, my PSG program was over.

I was more quiet than usual at school. It was really heavy for me.

It was a hard year I've had.

____##___

My friend's friend a matchmaker.

Can't bear to see me moody, my friends took turns to find me a replacement for Rendy.

I didn't respond to him, but they were muddled with his idea.

Sarahhh, one of my best friends, spread my phone number to her boyfriend.

And yahhh can guess what happened, indeed I am not beautiful, but the young man now does not know the person has expressed love. Yeah, like Rendy and I used to.

Lely, my friend too, the second matchmaker.

He introduced me to his best friend.

Gea seduced me into getting acquainted with her boyfriend's sister.

Finally I played them all, one by one I let them meet me, but I finally left one by one.

Maybe they say I'm pretty, but if it's a heart problem, other people will do the same as me.

It's hard to say yes if you feel the answer is no.

Eventually all my friends backed down, giving up on my situation.

I don't know what they were thinking at the time, just let them know.

Only time.......

That's what can heal me.

____##___

Mother and grandmother's restraints

This year I graduated from the bench of SMK, thank God, I will not stop saying thanks in my heart.

I lost Rendy but I started to be positive about God's destiny.

How not, God protected me from Rendy's lust all this time, if at that time I couldn't maintain my honor, somehow I am now.

I imagine when Rendy died and my honor was lost, Astagfirullah maybe I am already g*la at this time, there is no way I can pass SMK and look firmly into my future.

I graduated with good grades, all the family members are happy, except my father, only bad words come out of his mouth, he is also happy Rendy is gone, this is his chance to choose me a mate according to his wishes.

My chance to go to college is very unlikely, even if I want to.

Because Grandma wouldn't let me be away from home. He thought that girls as high as his education would only end up being housewives and being in the kitchen.

Really, this time I disagree with my grandmother, but I keep quiet.

Even my mother was silent because if I went to college my grandmother would pay the price, so all the decisions were in my grandmother's hands.

One month after graduation, my school held a job fair in various cities and abroad, working with many cigarette companies, malls, food factories and more.

I was very enthusiastic about following the job fair, I made 3 job application letters to apply for that day.

I'm dressed in white hem and black skirt, sign I'm ready for a job interview.

As I prepared, my mother came into my room.

To my surprise, my mother cried bitterly and asked me not to register for work.

"Kin don't take the interview yes, I don't want you to work, if you lack anything let my mother work". Cry broke.

I just fell silent, oh God what else is this.

Then what is the point of me dying from school, studying until my grades are to be proud of, all meaningless, I murmured in my heart.

I didn't answer my mother for a word, I left my mother in my room and passed by riding my motorcycle to school crying all the way.

I asked myself to register a job application according to my initial intentions, one at the cigarette factory and 2 more cover letters at the mall located in the city.

Both my applications escaped.

Alhamdulillah, just follow the interview at the head office and follow the advanced selection, I murmured.

One week later my interview schedule was sent via text.

I remembered my mother's cry that day, I started to shed tears again, this restraint really troubled me.

I finally gave up, I got rid of everything.

There was no interview I attended. Just for my mom.

Nor did I heed the ravings of my stepfather that offended me were useless.

For the sake of my sister, so as not to feel the loss of a father like me, so that my mother would not divorce just because I rebelled.

___##__

Self study.

Again I was pensive for one week without enthusiasm, but I finally got up, I did not want to be discouraged, if I could not work outside I could work at home, I murmured. Trying to encourage myself.

I went to see my grandmother.

"Grandmother I asked for something", I expressed my intention.

"What do you ask kin.??" said my grandmother.

"I can't go to college, can't work, I want to ask for capital to sell food on the terrace of the house, can I??" I explained.

I didn't think Grandma was happy and agreed to my wishes.

The next day I spent all the necessities for the sale.

Even I also bought an android phone to make it easier to sell clothes online as a reseller.

I do have a reseller business since 3rd grade smp, but because hp is not adequate it is difficult for me to find customers.

It's all done, I'm selling fried food and food on this terrace.

May there be a fortune coming, amennn, kunfayakun, all with the permission of Allah, my prayer in the heart.

When I couldn't go to the market, my mother went shopping for the necessities of my warehouse, she went to dance with my father, grumbling she drove my mother.

My mom doesn't mind her chatter.

My mother was just afraid that her daughter at dawn would have to go to the market alone, so she relented to take part in the shopping.

My phone rings, there's a text coming in, who..??, I don't know the number.

turns out to be my online dress customer, a guy named Satria.

At that time he had a dress order for his girlfriend, because he was still being monitored finally I was asked to hand it directly to his girlfriend at that time.

Shortly before I gave him up, he called me back, so I wouldn't give his order to his girlfriend.

He said he broke up a while ago.

Then the dress she bought gave me.

"Take me no longer need it", wear the dress as a gift from me", that's the text of the satria.

I appreciate the gift, I wear it and I take a photo, I send it to him through whatsapps my thanks to him, that I too have used the gift.

I don't know if that stupid idea came to my mind.

My phone rings again.

Glared at me when I saw the reply to a message from him.

"Apaaaaa.!!, whom he dared insult me, I don't want to wear this shirt anymore", I was very angry at that time, what a mistake I had on him.

Until I finally cut off all contact with him.