HIDAYAH
19. Flash Back Part 3's.

Bissmillah.

I hope there is wisdom in this writing. For as good as man is he who is useful.

Happy reading

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It's so exciting, so many people will be disappointed in me. In silence I thought about trying to find someone who could take me out of my anxiety.

Three days after Bang Ito's arrival, I descended to return to the campus. Submitting my skirips title. As promised, my brother picked me up under the parking lot bus.

An hour and a half drive to get to the hospital, and my campus is also still within the scope of the hospital.

As a 1A-class employee, I got a place to stay from a government hospital as a stipend from the study fund that Dad got.

"What's your script title Cay? here see" Bang Ito raised his hand asking for my script. I handed the zipped plastic map, all I have printed but for the main content of the description has not, because the title has not been submitted.

"The effect of exclusive ASI administration on the nutritional status of infants aged 0-6 months in the village of Cakra subberjaya regency." Bang Ito read my script title

"Good Cay, easy to directly approved yes. This is the essence of the subject, will not help explain." Bang Ito opens another print sheet.

"Emang Abang understands about ASI."

"No, but Brother Kepo Cay is the same place ASI."

"That's it, bummer." Answer me while I snarl.

"Exclusive air is breast milk given from the beginning of the birth of a baby or baby aged 0 to 6 months,  exclusive breast milk has an important role and high in nutrients needed by infants aged 0-6 months, exclusive breast milk also has the benefit of protecting the baby from various diseases, including, but not a few babies who can not get exclusive breast milk because of several things including the problem of the mother's disease or the social status of the working mother who requires her child to be given formula milk, including,  but it turns out a lot of research says that the growth and development of exclusive breast milk with non-exclusive is very different both in terms of intelligence, growth and endurance.  Which is where some of the nutrients from exclusive milk are not found in formula." Brother's voice skimmed the contents of my script.

"Well, this is great, Cay. For kurfa some percentage between exclusive and non-Indonesian breastfed babies already can." Ask again.

"Not yet Bang, the title is uncertain. But if this is later accepted, I do not bother looking for a new title. My brain is blank Bang, I don't have another backup title."

"Abang doain directly passed the hammer, let's get married." He said with a joking smile.

"Bang, mama eee...." I hesitated to continue my words.

"What's the matter, honestly, you won't be angry."

"Please take me to the one who can give me peace Bang."

"What's Cay, talk we're musyawarkan together."

I covered my face with both palms of my hands with a trembling body I sat on the floor of the patio of the visitor room.

I felt Bang Ito's hand grab me take me up the chair I was sitting in.

"Stop questioning I'll take you to a place, insyaalloh this place can make you calm down, come on." Patiently Bang Ito rubbed the tip of my head.

I packed all my maps and stationery, and I put them in my room. I took my little Eiger sling bag.

After we got out the mess, Bang Ito invited me to eat because it was the hour then noon was also soon, I did not ask where to take this time.

"Cay, when is the title of the script you submitted ?"

"Today after tomorrow Bang, afternoon, why ?"

"G papa, Chayang will just go there. Entar night Brother bring a change of clothes. Now eat it."

The journey we took was not far away. Still on the outskirts of town, but this main road is for big car traffic.

We arrived at a place, when it was archived I had time to read.

Pesantren Pondok Putra and Daughter Wali Songo

We entered a small house after we passed through a large hall, which Bang Ito said the hall was a place to visit the saints who stayed here.

The house is cool, although in the middle of this scorching heat but the atmosphere around this house is different. Maybe because of the many tree trees that protect all parts of the house.

"Assalammual."

Bang Ito said as he knocked on the door.

"Mosur." There was an answer from within after Brother knocked on the door twice.

A middle-aged woman over my mama thought, let us in and sit down in the guest room.

The room with a model of thick carpeted but not rigid.

"This house is model Cay diarab house." Bang Ito said as he looked at me amazed by the design of the living room I had just entered. The owner of the house is still inside. Apparently the one who opened the door was the daughter of the owner of this house.

"Assaalammualaikum, son of Tito. Long time no visit." Say hello to a woman who I guess is 50 years old even more.

"Is this the candidate you told me about yesterday, beautiful." Bang Ito just nodded and smiled while I lowered my head in embarrassment at his words.

"Ummi, I tipped Yunar here for two days, a lot of anxiety that hit her heart. I could have brought it home. But it feels unfair, I want Anin to be able to make his choice not because it is close to my family. But because his heart chose."

I really don't understand why I was brought here.

"Ummi understand, let him calm down here. Yunar let me sleep together mbak mbak behind. Later after praying Isya we chatted a little, yes.." Take him whom I do not yet know his name.

"Then I say goodbye umm, later tonight insyaalloh I come here between clothes for Yunar."

"This is the key to the mess." I handed him the key and Bang Ito took it.

I was left alone in the guest room, while Ummi drove Bang Ito to the front, as if they were talking about something.

"Let's Ummi inter-room mbak mbak, so you can rest." He patted my shoulder and I felt him stroking my arm. There was a strange cruise I felt. My eyes were glassy when I looked at his face.

"What's the cry, hem." His speech gently reconciled.

I just shook my head and then sobbed back. He took me to a room that didn't seem to be a break room but some kind of reading room or prayer room. But I didn't find the priest's place. Filled with bookshelves surround the wall. And there's a thick medium-size prayer mat and a small table.

He sat me in that cage. He himself sat in the low seat.

"I'm sorry Nar, Ummi g can lama2 sit down. It will be hard to wake up. Now if you want to cry, cry. This room where Ummi poured out the heart of Ummi at night to the khalik.

I just ducked down for a moment I was speechless, with the circumstances.

"The spiritual journey is actually a very personal affair. So, maybe it should be lonely."

After a moment of silence, Ummi said the words that made me look up at my face, I saw him smiling.

"Ummi has not prayed dzuhur. Yunar wait here, Ummi want to take ablution first." Then he went out and before long he returned and carried out his duties. And I'm just a spectator.

"I'm sorry if my arrival here interrupts Ummi's free time." Iberanika himself, Ummi folded his face and then held it in the original place.

"Nak Tito told Ummi everything, and asked for Ummi's opinion. All decisions are in Yunar's hands. What exactly makes you so nervous ?"

I breathed strong air and then I exhaled, and then I started to tell stories. " Mommy doesn't tell me if I change faith, on the other hand the marriage that Bang Ito wants is a one-faith marriage."

I'm back sobbing.

"Am I wrong Ummi loves God's creatures with different beliefs. I am I. I must also be devoted to both parents. I don't love Bang Ito but I feel the steadiness of my heart with him."

Ummi did not answer, he just stroked elus my head. Until I calmed down and stopped crying.

Until late afternoon, I was in the kitchen helping mbak mbak cottage prepare dinner for Ndalem, this designation for home or me. But in this role it tends to refer more to the kiai family.

When the time showed almost seven, I heard the sound of a car coming in. And when I saw it was Bang Ito who came but didn't see me. There was a small bag that he put on mbak Ndalem.

When I opened the bag from Bang Ito I was surprised, it wasn't my shirt. Inside there is a dress shirt of the robe either new or already used

But clearly it has been washed because the smell of the fragrance of the clothes is still clearly smelled.

I wore one of the three clothes that Bang Ito brought. I combined it with a rectangular veil. I was confused to wear it, then there was mbak who helped and gave me a safety pin as a hook.

I, who had never worn a covered garment like this, felt very awkward. When I see my shadow reflected, I don't recognize my own face.

I used to wear casual covered clothes, jeans and long-sleeved hem. With hair down. But now everything is closed, until not a single hair of mine is seen.

I'm following all sorts of hut activities tonight. I sat in the big dimushola with 200 other santriwati. Listening to the lectures of young Yemeni graduates.

Nine o'clock in the evening, the show's over. The santriwati enter the cottage room each. But there are some who sleep dimushola with a mat. Cushions and blankets are also available.

Then someone patted my shoulder

"Waiting for Nyai's mother in Ndalem. Let me take you." I followed her step into the room where I was crying.

It turned out that I had been awaited by him with a smile he greeted me.

"Sit here near Ummi."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Solitude gives you the space to freely set goals based on what you want.

However, there are people who go through their loneliness with sadness so that it is difficult to develop and rise from the problems that may be faced. Loneliness can also mean that you are free to rise.

“What we think determines what will happen to us. So if we want to change our lives, we need to change our minds a little bit.” - Wayne Dyer.

Jan forgot his liking..