My Ex
Chapter 17
Hiya, hiya,
From the beginning, I knew that you were not a person with an empty heart.
Even though you said it yourself, but deep in your eyes, from your heart, there is still the owner of your heart that you hide.
I can't force you to love me like you love her, it's your business with your own heart.
But after hearing you say frankly, if you still love him, secretly still think of him, he said,
A little bit of heartache, but what do you want to say, if that's what you feel, what can I do?
After all, you with him have many stories, it is appropriate that you love him so much, even though you have been separated for a long time….
I will not force my feelings for you at all, if you still want to be with him, fight for him, leave me.
So I can calm down
To be honest, after you said that you still love him, there was a feeling of relief, finally what I was questioning all this time was answered already….
Whatever you say, I hear it….
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...A little bit of Nadine's feelings were gushed on the white paper. Be a silent witness to his feelings for Arka....
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Monday, 23 july 2018
….
I know you here.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi….
Hi Arka…
I was confused what to write... What to say, do I have to write a letter? Or is it not?
Because there are so many things that I want to say.so, I made this letter, maybe this letter will be very long and there will be several sheets, if you are bored you can read it in half, you can read it in half, but make sure you read all the contents of the letter ok?!
I wrote what I wanted to write all spontaneously and honestly, I couldn't even be more honest than this haha…
There will probably be a lot of silly and exaggerated sentences, if you want to laugh, laugh at you because I'm not making up a story,
To be honest, Nadine was very sad to have to separate.I was really sad once. but want how else,
I can't pretend in front of you, want a ‘jaga image’ whatever, you still know what my heart is, want me however you still know, basic cheating…
Though I want to keep all quiet, but still know also.yaaa my fault too…
I have so much to say, but every time I see you, it's all gone…. Vaporized In the air just like that. blank. You're making me lose my words.
I can't look at you for too long even if I want to.... Because it hurts too much??? I don't have a proper sentence to describe the feeling, because the word is too poor to express the taste…
If that day you didn't say “honestly I'm still waiting for him” maybe I won't let you go, but yeah, I have absolutely no reason to regret what happened…
You also do not worry, maybe now the feeling is still heavy, because you are still out of reach of my eyes, but later. whether I or you. everything will change, and maybe I forgot about you too.
I've never been this extravagant to a man. Yes you can be proud of that, because you are the only one, even though you are not my first lover… because every time I have a boyfriend, I've never been this happy with a guy, and you make me fall in love.
you stole my heart, so can you give me back my heart?
That night you said firmly “however I will not leave him, because I love him, understand please do not get too carried away with the feeling of”
You're correct…
And I can only be silent.you make me lose my word.My eyes ache at your answer. Really am.
My friend said, “haven't done him anymore, he just wants to mess with you, he just likes to see your reaction carried away, he has no sense of your strength, too, block by all.”
And your answer is “ exactly what your boyfriend says, if you want easy block all, he's a guy he knows.”
I was shocked, and sad somehow. I don't think at all that you're justifying my friend's words, I don't have any idea that you're just messing with my feelings, naively, naively, I thought that you also still had the same taste of me, but it turned out that I was too naive, and expected a lot…
even though you yourself said
“already Nadine, stop! And don't you pray that weird again!”
Without you realizing it, you pulled out my feelings, the old wounds have not healed you added more. I know your intention is just to please my heart, but the truth is that I'm getting hurt day by day, because I know I can't have you.
I really expected too much, and I felt like I was the stupidest person. I'm still in the same place, but your heart and mind have been gone for a long time,
Expecting back someone who has obviously gone somewhere. He was in front of me just because a ‘janji’ is nothing more than that.
You are truly my precious friend….
I have absolutely no shadow of a future to be your partner, I'm too afraid to imagine that far, but I don't want you to be with the others either?
Maybe more like a brother complex. You can search for the meaning on Google, ok!
So then…
First of all .. Nadine wants to say many thanks very very very, because it has treated me very well, has kept the promise.Many love me new knowledge and experience, Arka is the best…
Until I have no reason to be ugly to you, you are indeed a good person, it's just a situation that is less favourable to feeling like this, he said,
It turns out this is the pain of loving someone whose heart is not for us. pahiiiettt, more bitter than americano,
(you can try this coffee, and the original is super bitter, I'm serious)
I will miss you after this…. Rinduuuu…. Without knowing what to do, because all I can do for you is shut up and stay away…
let you calm down with a new life. Letting my feelings fade on their own.
I must miss the way you say hello.. “hai my boss, ok?”
Yes you know, you say hello so is not the same as me, with others the same as well, but. only you say hello so, and after this there will be no one to greet me like that again….
Nadine will miss how Arka smile sometimes with a funny expression, even though sometimes I throw away my face, believe me I always laugh afterwards, only often I can bear it, but I can't help it, you just made my bad mood better, thank you
You're the only person who can magically make my mood improve, no matter how bad my mood is, you can always fix it.
Making friends with you is very fun. Nadine never tired of stuff for a second. You are a very pleasant person, to chat, discussion, sharing, even just for the unimportant thing though…
thank you for being my best friend
You said I hated and liked it…
Might as well…
But my liking is bigger than my hate,
And my hate, there's nothing compared to my love for you.
I hate it just because you prefer him to me, just that… but I also understand it is not easy to forget someone who has been in the heart for a long time even though he made a severe wound there, right…
unfortunately, it is bigger than that
The rest. Nadine still loves Arka.
From you I learned what it means to love, to love truly, to give and to give without expecting to be given, though I also do not know what I have given to you hahaha.
Slowly I lose my ego, because I don't want this ego to take away the affection…
Nadine dear Arka, that's why I gave up,
Nadine dear Arka, although heavy I let you with the others, as long as you are happy…
It's not easy to see you with the others.it's hard.not a minute for me to make peace with the situation.
Because it's even harder if Arka's with Nadine because I'm selfish not to be left behind, and just to matter how I feel, no matter how you feel, but your heart is not for me…
So.. I just love.. without wishing dear, that's all…
Since you're staying good with me I'm already happy…
You keep your promise, I'm proud,
You keep telling me love me, I'm happy…
That's aja…
Even if after this we do not meet again.it's okay, I will only be a memory for you , so will you.
Nadine doesn't know Arka will miss Nadine or not, but…
If Arka remembers Nadine later, send Nadine a prayer any prayer.. Because prayer is never misaddressed, inshaallah what Arka prayed for Nadine must be in Kabul is Allah…
And don't worry…. God willing, I will stay with you…
Because that alone can be a mediator between us. each other gifts prayers of kindness.
Thank you very much for all the kindness Arka made for Nadine, Nadine can not give anything and can not repay your kindness one one.
May Allah repay you for better than this….
Thank you, my friend
Thank you my very loving brother
Thank you, my friend, for sharing so many stories….
️
The richness is what Nadine wants to say, sorry if the letter is extended, hopefully Arka does not regret reading it sorry….
Thank you for stopping by in Nadine's life, have written an amazing story that memorable story in the heart…
thanksmeme it…
Good yes. Nadine pamit….
Emmm, see you? Or good-bye? Which is. bye Arka ….
Happy always... ️.
Wassalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
From sister…
Nadine.
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When the lips cannot say many words, then I write your name on the paper to remember the eternal in it.
finned