Restart
chapter 7's
Around the end of October of the following year, something jolted in my head. After graduating high school, I lived in an apartment near my college. And back then, I rarely went out (nolep XD). I rarely go to college, have no part-time job or anything, don't meet anyone, don't eat regularly, drink alcohol all day, and sleep all the time. I didn't even turn on the TV or radio, nor did I read the news. I isolated myself from the outside world. Other than going to the minimarket to buy beer, cigarettes, and junk food, I never went anywhere.
The contents of my phone inbox are just news from agents looking for part-time jobs and other newsletters. There are no human names there. Ever since I realized the existence of my "substitute" I kept comparing myself to her whenever I went about my activities. I know how well he does every little thing. Thanks to that, even the usual things before, now felt so special. For example, I never had a problem skipping class in high school, but when I saw Sumi and my constant attendant every day, it made me even more desperate. From then on, every day I came and went to the campus alone, I felt a void because Sumi was not beside me. And this gradually began to haunt me every time I woke up. When I eat alone. When I watch TV alone. When I just lay in bed. When I shop alone. I realized Sumi wasn't by my side the whole time, and I felt such a bitter loss. When I walked through town and saw another young high school couple, I ran out of words. Sumi and my "substitute" must always be dating in such a uniform, I thought. I can't forget it.
On the days when they work overtime in the clubroom, on the days when they come home together, on the days when they share umbrellas in times of heavy rain, on days when they held hands to warm themselves up on a snowy day. It's too easy for me to imagine. Perhaps, when I had seen Sumi waiting at the bus stop that day, she was waiting for my "substitute. I know how much fun Sumi can make me happy, and maybe I know how happy I can make her happy. But now I feel empty. I'm so hurt. I have tried many things to calm my mind, such as: seeing beautiful scenery, eating delicious food, watching emotional movies, but everything has the opposite effect. Because I'm increasingly realizing that I'm doing all those fun things alone, with no friends to share. I've given up. There's nothing I can do. Just one step away from madness. That's why I distanced myself from the outside world, and made my brain plagued with alcohol and cigarettes. I must admit that intoxicating things are one of the best inventions of man.
My room is very dim. I heard crickets outside the window. I've calmed down. But I still felt a small flame in my heart. Surprisingly, I can calm down. I accepted the fact that I was not the right person for Sumi, and I could never defeat my "substitute. Then what am I supposed to do? I asked myself. It was easy, I answered.
I easily accepted the answer I got. And don't think about it, I thought about it in my right mind. In short, I wanted to kill him, who had stolen my role. Then, of course, Sumi would be lonely and finally come to me, that's the best thing I could hope for. No matter how you look at him, the idea is not rational, even if I managed to kill him, not necessarily all problems can be solved. In fact, if she dies at this point in her friendly relationship with Sumi, it's entirely possible that Sumi becomes stressed, then closes her heart to any man. But anyway, at that moment, I was very serious. I even selfishly thought:
"This is for Sumi." Though it was clearly me who ruined his happiness. People who are down are never sane. Their view is too narrow. All in all, I must admit my second self is trash and a moron. Actually, it depends on your perspective, you can look at me as a 19-year-old man, or a 29-year-old om-om. I have lived for 9 years in my second world. But as far as I can tell, my current mind is not as mature as a 29-year-old man. I think I'm experiencing the phenomenon of "turtle and rabbit" which tends to happen to children who become too precocious. Well, now a while has passed since that day, but more or less that's the beginning of the story. To be honest, the story I hated the most during the ten years I lived this second life, was the last few months after that day. So starting from here, I will explain everything in more detail.