The Flower Of Eternity
Chapter 15: Funeral

The day after Xavier's death, Anna had to prepare early in the morning for the funeral. The servants bathed her, dressed her in black mourning dresses, and styled her hair more simply. Anna barely moved at all, as if only her body was there but her soul was not. The next thing he knew, he was already in the dining room for breakfast with Leon and Irene who would continue to accompany him at the Main Palace during the mourning period.

For a long time, no one lifted their cutlery. Even though that morning Leon deliberately asked the waiters to prepare a typical breakfast menu Schiereiland Anna's favorite, namely Cheese Soup, even though Leon and Irene were both unable to eat cheese. The cheese soup in front of them was not touched at all. No one's talking. The dining room of the Main Palace that morning was so quiet.

"I can't." Irene said while pushing away her plate.

"We must finish breakfast immediately in order to begin the funeral service." Even Leon's tone was so flat. He watched Anna from the corner of his eye. Anna looked at the breakfast before her in a troubling silence.

"I don't think I can attend." Irene.

"You're mother. You must attend and deliver the speech."

"Not even the body. No one was buried!" Irene shouted. Her tears are spilling. Just then, Irene turned to look at Anna who was still motionless. Empty look. "Cry! Who said an Imperial leader shouldn't cry? Cry as much as you can and don't hold your tears! No one has the right to forbid you to grieve!"

"Irene!" Leon warned. Realizing that his mother is still deeply shaken by Xavier's death, Leon softens his tone. "General Irene, please don't be like this."

"Marie..." Anna called out to the Palace butler in a hoarse voice because she had not said anything for a long time. The summoned one immediately approached him. "Replace the breakfast dish. Xavier and Leon can't eat cheese. Looks like my mother-in-law can't eat cheese either. So in the future, eliminate cheese from the daily diet."

Marie and the other waiters quickly brought the breakfast dish away. But before they brought a replacement dish, Anna had already left the dining room.

"Where are you going?" Ask Leon.

"I'm gonna take a break in the room. My head was dizzy from not sleeping all night. Ask the waiter to deliver breakfast to my room." Anna said in passing.

Leon couldn't hold back his departure, so he let Anna go to his room. Shortly thereafter, Marie and the waiters brought a meal replacement for breakfast.

"I'll have my own breakfast here. Bring him this. He won't touch the food at all. So don't just leave this food. Make sure he spends it all." Irene said as she prepared breakfast for Anna on the tray and handed it to Leon. "I would have done all that for him but he's closer to you. He'll be more comfortable with you than with me."

Leon followed his mother's words. He went to Anna's room and brought her breakfast. The door to his room was closed, but not locked. Leon can hear Anna's crying even from a few steps outside his room. His heart ached hearing that nonstop crying sound.

"Your Majesty, I'm going in." Said Leon. And by the time she entered, Anna had already wiped away her tears in a hurry. But Leon can see Anna's eyes are still puffy because it has not stopped crying since yesterday. "Please eat it." Leon said while handing the porridge to Anna. He obeyed his mother's words by not going straight from there before making sure Anna actually ate the porridge.

Anna started taking a spoon to eat the porridge. But his hands were too trembling that he had trouble scooping his porridge. After several attempts and failures, Anna gave up and put back her spoon. "Later. I'm not hungry." Said. His voice sounded weak.

"You should eat. You didn't eat anything yesterday. Your child needs nutrition to stay healthy."

Anna looked back at the porridge, as if it was the most precious thing. "We always had breakfast porridge while living in Orient. No one can make food in Dong-gung, so Xavier always wakes up earlier than everyone, then buys porridge for our breakfast in the tavern not far from Dong-gung. I should be able to make something for him, but you know, I can't make anything without scorching it. She then learned to cook with Louis when I said that I missed Schiereiland's signature meal. The food was delicious, but he was just learning. He did everything for me. But I never did anything for her." Said. Her tears came back as she recalled those times. "He gave me everything, but I never gave anything to him. I don't even know his birthday. He never told me because he said that day his mother was pronounced dead. Every year he never celebrated his birthday because he did not want to make his father sad if he remembered that his birth was the beginning of his father's grief. So I stopped asking for her birthday."

"You must really be a match..." Leon said while taking Anna's spoon. "Your birth dates are the same. Just a different year. So when your wedding's inauguration party is on your birthday, it's also her birthday. Irene told me." Leon then feeds Anna the porridge. Anna was too shocked at what Leon had just said that she unknowingly ate the porridge without protest. "You know, he was very happy that day. He loves you so much so I know he must have been very happy that day. The inauguration of your wedding is arguably the most beautiful birthday gift for him. So don't say it like that. You've given everything for her by being by her side all this time."

Anna didn't say anything for a while. His mind thought about Leon's words just now. And unknowingly he had already finished half the bowl of porridge.

"I can eat by myself." Anna finally said.

"You can't. Hands shaking. Let me serve the country by bribing you."

...****************...

The funeral ceremony was held with such shahdu. Anna couldn't help but cry so she let her tears flow. He did not care even though all the nobles and all his subjects saw him crying. Even though there were no bodies to bury, Anna still wept over the late King's grave.

After the funeral, Leon and Irene take him to rest in the room.

"Do you want me to be with you?" Irene offered herself.

Anna subtly rejected him, "I really need a break. I think I can go to sleep right now. You can return to the Winterthur residence. I'm fine."

Even so, after the bedroom door was tightly shut, Leon and Irene did not return to their home straight away. Leon and Irene went to the King's study to grieve while spending the entire wine supply that Xavier had stored there. They did not say anything and only drank until Irene was quite drunk and started crying hysterically while talking about her son who had left her first. Leon wasn't drunk enough that he could only quietly listen to his mother.

"He looks like his father." Irene said as she looked at Xavier's painting in the King's study. Both his energy and his tears had been drained away. His voice was hoarse because he had been screaming and crying at the same time. "Good boy... Too kind. I don't like people who are too good. They usually die sooner." Irene then turned to look at Leon, "You don't get too good, Leon."

"You're really not cut out to be a mother. Which mother gives such advice."

"really. I'm a bad mother. I don't deserve to be a mother."

"Xavier wasn't that good" Leon said. "She's hunching to get me on her side. So that I can save you without having to tell me that we're actually brothers. That you're my mother. He knew I would deny it and finally refused to help him free you, so he didn't tell me right from the start."

"I wonder if you know..." Irene turned to Leon who was now staring blankly at Xavier's painting. "He intended to leave everything to you from the very beginning. Her kingdom, Anastasia, and me as your mother. That's why he immediately made you Grand Duke of Winterthur, number two in the order of heir to the throne. He did all that as if he knew his life would be very short."

"I knew. The plan is very easy to read. He wants me to replace him after he dies."

"Isn't it clear. I will guard his kingdom. I will take care of his wife and his son. I will take care of you, too, mother. But I'll never take his place." Said Leon. "Because I can't. Not after he died in such a heroic manner."

Long Irene looked at her eldest son, as if reading his thoughts. "Tell me honestly..." Said. "You still love Anastasia. Don't you?"

Leon turned his face away, dodged his mother's gaze, then downed his wine. "It's not the right time to talk about such a thing."

"That means right."

"Irene!"

"Xavier knows. He knows you still love him. She kept asking me if her decision to marry Anastasia was a wrong one. Is she supposed to keep her feelings in check and let you be happy with her."

"Then what did you tell him?"

"I told you..." This time it was Irene who avoided Leon's gaze. "He was wrong to marry Anastasia when he found out that you and Anastasia had loved each other. When he finds out you're still harboring your feelings for Anastasia. But, Leon, you're even more wrong for harboring your feelings, lying to everyone and even yourself that you don't love her, and you're letting someone else be happy with the woman you love. If you really loved her, you shouldn't have let her go. You should have done everything to fight for it."

"You're talking about yourself, Irene." Said Leon. "You let go of Kris. You stopped fighting for your love for her. You left him and now you're sorry."

"I had to leave your father. I was expelled from Schiereiland."

"No. You can choose to stay with him. I shouldn't exist, because in this life, you left it. But in another life, you chose to stay with Kris, marry her and I was born in that life. There is another life, where we live as a family and I, without a doubt, call you 'mother'. You can fight for your love, but you choose to give up. So don't talk to me about letting go of the woman I love because, like you said, I look a lot like you. At least I never really left it. I just let her be happy with the person who might love her more than I do."

Irene was silent at those words. He can't deny it. He knows it's true.

"Again..." Leon continued, "I don't let anyone else be happy with the woman I love. I let the woman I love be happy, with anyone who can make her happy. I think it's a form of love. I'm sure Xavier thought the same thing, which is why he asked you that. But if we both wanted to give up, then who would really be her partner? I am grateful that Xavier chose to marry her. So if Xavier ever asked me the same question, I would tell him that his decision to marry Anastasia was the most correct one. Although now I hate her because her death left Anastasia devastated in grief."

Long Irene looked at her son, and then smiled, "How old are you, son?"

"This year should be twenty-six."

"You should be much wiser than me. I'm still twenty-five."

Leon laughed, "If you were twenty-five, then I would be a baby. Stop lying to people about your age." He then looked at Irene who now looked tired, "I'll take you to the Queen's Palace. Rest there. Your body may be young and healthy, but you're still old, Senior."

"Based on a bad boy! I haven't even fifty years. I'm not that old!"

...****************...

After taking his mother to the Queen's Palace to rest, Leon took a walk in the park to clear his mind. She must stay sober to look after her mother and Anna. But he still carried two bottles of wine with him and drank in the garden while watching the balcony of Anna's room in the Main Palace.

But the room looked dark and quiet. So Leon thinks Anna may have been sleeping because she was too tired after not sleeping and has been crying since yesterday. Leon was about to enter into his own room in the Queen's Palace, when he suddenly heard someone calling him.

Leon...

Leon looked back, looking for who was calling him. Suddenly the air around him warmed. He knows that voice. It was impossible for him to recognize the voice wrong. He left the two bottles of unfinished wine on the snow. He was sure that he was already very drunk, as he had just heard Xavier's voice.

General Leon!

Leon ignored her and continued walking.

Grand Duke Winterthur! The voice sounded louder and clearer as if it was yelling right in his ear. Holy hooch! Brother! Please lah!

Leon sped his way towards the Queen's Palace building. But his steps came to a halt as he felt pain in the back of his head as if someone had just thrown him with a stone. Leon looked back and saw no one there. He was about to turn around again and continue his steps, but the voice said again,

Don't leave Anna. He cannot be alone at a time like this. He must be accompanied.

"Then why don't you accompany her! Why did you leave him a jerk! I've already let it go. I buried my feelings for her for your happiness. I let you marry her, to make her happy, not to make her sad and broken like this! Goddamnit! Get back here!" Leon vented his anger at the empty air. His eyes held back tears. His hands were clenched at the side as if he could hit anyone who was there. But there's nobody around. Leon hates tears. But just then, when there was no one around, he let his tears fall on the snow. "I should have died... You should be alive, so Mother and Anastasia don't have to be sad like this. Seeing them both grieve is very difficult for me, Xavier."

Leon sat in the palace courtyard covered in heavy snow, trying to clear his mind and regulate his emotions. Then a fact came to his mind. Leon has known Anna since birth. He memorized his habits. Anna never turned off the bedroom lights before going to bed because she was afraid of the dark. So why does Anna's room seem dark and quiet?

Leon hurriedly went to the other side of the Main Palace with teleportation magic. He went to the park in front of the King's room previously occupied by Xavier. From the garden he could see the King's room on the fifth floor. And there Anna, standing on the balcony railing, barefoot, ready to jump.

"Damn!"

...****************...