The Flower Of Eternity
Chapter 31: The Awake

When Anna opened her eyes again, the sky was already bright. It's noon. She was still wearing the same nightgown. Still on the same bed in his room with Xavier. Everything still looked the same except for the pair of emerald eyes he had missed, which he had promised would be there when Anna opened her eyes again.

"Lady Eliza!" Anna shouted to her assistant.

Eliza immediately entered her room, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

Anna immediately got up and put on her fur coat to ward off the cold air. Waking up without Xavier beside him always made him shiver in the cold. "Where is Xavier?" Ask Eliza while combing her hair with her finger.

Eliza looked puzzled by the question, "Sorry, Your Majesty?"

Anna took Xavier's hairpin off her dresser and put it on her hair. "Where is Xavier? Is he still taking Vierra for a walk in the greenhouse? What time is it?"

"Your Highness—“ Eliza is just about to say something, but Anna immediately cuts her words.

"Please call some maids and servants, help me get ready. We should not delay the journey to Westeria. We shouldn't waste time." Anna told Eliza. Then he called one of his bodyguards who was always on standby at the door of his room, "Felix, please tell His Majesty immediately that we are leaving today for Westeria."

"Baginda King?" Ask Felix.

"Yes. Xavier's. My husband's. Please tell him."

Felix didn't take the order. He just looked at Anna in confusion, then said quietly, "Your Majesty..."

"Felix, please carry out my orders immediately." Anna said impatiently. "Lady Eliza, why just shut up?"

"Well, Your Majesty." Said Felix, stammering. He then quickly stepped out of the room.

Eliza did the same, following Felix behind her to call the ladies and servants to help Anna get ready.

Shortly thereafter, Felix returns with Leon and Irene who catch up quickly behind him. Leon was already looking neat as he was about to leave for Orient to carry out the duties of Anna that day. He said nothing as he entered the room. He waited for Anna to say something.

"What's wrong? Why are you here?" Ask Anna. He glanced at Felix who seemed to be looking down avoiding his gaze.

"What did you tell Felix just now?" Ask Leon.

Irene patted her son's shoulder gently, "Leon..."

"Irene, please wait outside." Leon said without turning away from Anna. "Your Majesty, what order did you give to one of my generals?"

Anna folded her arms in front of her chest, "Where is Xavier?" Ask. "I asked Felix to deliver my message to Xavier. Why did you come here?"

Leon did not answer. His eyes were busy observing among the items that the room had as if he was looking for something. Anna followed Leon's line of sight. And Anna knew Leon had found two empty bottles of wine on the floor near his bed and a bowl of Bloody Berry fruit on the nightstand. Anna did not intend to hide it, she was old enough to drink alcohol. But still it feels like he was caught doing forbidden deeds when he only drank two bottles of wine and some Bloody Berry fruit. Leon usually drinks a lot more than that.

"How much did you consume last night?" Leon asked as he took the bowl of Bloody Berry fruit and counted the rest, then handed it to Eliza for storage. "You know what happens when you consume too much Bloody Berry? Remember the doctor. Maximum of two per day. It can't be more than that, Your Majesty. What's more you mix it with alcohol. Two bottles? You can't drink. One glass you're usually drunk."

"Don't switch topics. You haven't answered my question." Indict Anna.

Leon let out a long sigh, as if something like this had happened very often. Very gently, as if worried that his usual tone might hurt Anna, Leon said, "It was just a dream, Your Majesty."

That word again, Anna's inner.

"Stop lying to me!" Shouted Anna. Earlier Xavier said that all along, it was all just nightmares and the effects of his depression. So Anna believed him. Because if Xavier said that, then it would be true. But now he again heard those words from Leon. It means Leon was the one who wasn't honest with her all this time. "You lied to me, Leon." The accusation.

"Your Majesty—“

Anna raised her hand gesturing for Leon to stop his sentence. Tears are stuck in her eyes. He wanted Leon to admit the lie and that he was right. But as he looked the other way, towards Irene who was covering her face and crying silently, towards Felix who was just looking down on the floor, towards Eliza and her brave ladies looking at her with their eyes also reddened with tears, it was then that Anna knew who was right.

Anna looked back at Leon. Because only Leon can still look straight at him while telling the truth even though he knows the truth will hurt him greatly. But before Leon can say it, Anna first says, "Xavier's still alive."

"Xavier is dead. And I'll never get tired of reminding you." Said Leon.

"Xavier is alive. He's not dead, Leon. Why don't you trust me? My husband is alive. He was here. He's talking to me. He also carried Vierra and joked with his mother-in-law. And she's... She's..." Words ceased. He thinks hard about how to prove to Leon that Xavier is still alive. Anna then walked towards Irene and clasped her hands, "Mother-in-law, you came here holding Vierra right? You saw Xavier too, right? Then Xavier said he would take Vierra for a walk outside. Oh yeah, where's my daughter? He's still out walking with his dad, right?"

Irene could not answer. He didn't seem to know what to say to Anna. He just looked at Anna, then shook his head. Her tears continued to flow without being held back.

"What's wrong with you guys! Why are you guys like this?" Anna started screaming.

"Sorry..." That is all Irene can say.

"Where's my daughter? Where is Vierra?"

"Vierra's still sleeping this morning. And I didn't come here this morning. It's all just a dream, son." Irene said in a motherly voice. Seeing her daughter-in-law like that really made her feel sad. Anna was like her own daughter to Irene.

"No. That wasn't a dream. Xavier said it wasn't a dream." Anna still denies it. But then she realized that what Irene and Leon had said was indeed true. It was all just a dream. Suddenly his legs felt weak and unable to support him standing. When reality hits him again for the next time, he almost falls on the floor, but Leon immediately catches him and helps him stay standing. A Tsarina does not fall before anyone.

Anna shook her head, "Leon... She's not—“ But Anna can't finish her sentence. His heart ached when he realized that Leon was telling the truth. His breathing felt as though oxygen had just disappeared from the face of the earth. It was like going back to the first day after Xavier's death.

"Everything out!" Leon's orders are direct. And everyone immediately obeyed his orders obediently, even Irene.

After everyone came out, Leon helped Anna sit on the edge of her bed. Leon got him some drinking water. Anna accepted it, but the glass was just her holding in her lap. His hands are still shaking.

"I'm dreaming." Anna finally said. He just stared blankly ahead. In front of her, on the side of the room, were paintings of her and Xavier on the day of their wedding. Anna in the painting smiled so happily as if she had never known what sadness was. Xavier in the painting smiled at her, his eyes full of love. The painting is as if it came from another life. A life where they live together and are happy forever. Anna finally turned her gaze to Leon who was looking at her worriedly. "The dream felt so real that I believed it. I should have known, it was just a dream. Sorry, Leon. I think I've made it through."

"Why apologize?" Leon wiped away Anna's tears, "You're not wrong."

"I should have recovered quickly. If this keeps up, Imperial could be messed up because of me and my unstable condition. I must not look weak in the face of our enemies if we do not want our country to be destroyed so easily. I cannot look weak in front of our people if they do not want to lose their trust in me. They will regard our country as weak and not strong enough to resist the Orient if I show how weak and powerless I am. I should have handled my pain well, I thought I had handled it, but I haven't. Sorry..."

"I told you, it wasn't your fault. Stop apologizing."

Anna nodded in disagreement. He was half grateful that Irene, Eliza, Felix and a few servants had witnessed the incident. If at that time the nobles were in the Palace, and they watched him mingle about Xavier like a man who had lost his mind when only yesterday he was leading the meeting with confidence, everything he prepared was useless. They would assume that Anna was not healthy enough either physically or mentally to lead the Imperial let alone face the Orient.

In a still weak voice Anna said to Leon, "Go Leon. You must take up my duty immediately. For Imperial."

"I can't leave you in this state."

"Don't challenge me, Leon. Please... See me as the leader of this Imperial, as your superior whose command you must carry out, not as a weak and helpless woman you cannot leave behind" Anna said. He lowered his head to hide his tears because he did not want Leon to see him in such a state. Because Leon will put it first rather than his duty and it will mess up his entire plan to guard Imperial from Orient attack. "Go away. I'll be fine. I should be fine."

Without waiting for Anna to repeat her orders again and without saying anything, Leon immediately left the place. And after Leon really left, Anna was able to completely shed her tears.

***

The journal of King Xavier:

Elias is hiding something from me and I don't know what it is. I gave him a task to the Orient. At the same time, I will also go there. Not because I don't trust him. It's because I trust him so much. Hence even though I gave him the task of going to Orient to destabilize the country in order to prevent Qin from attacking our country, I still went to Orient for a different mission. My mission was to investigate the wife of Emperor Qin who supposedly said she was as ingenious as a snake. Reina is the mastermind behind all this. And I'm pretty sure he prepared something to attack my kingdom. So I'm going there without messing with Elias' mission, but I want Elias to stay out of trouble so I have to keep a close eye on him. But how?

When I discussed the matter with Anna, she stated that she wanted to come with me to the Orient. I thought, why not? Anna must also be very bored being in the Palace continuously. If he continues to grieve the deaths of his parents and confine himself to the Palace, I think he will have a hard time living life as before. He needs a new atmosphere, going to a new place and finding a new activity that can divert his thoughts and emotions. So maybe by coming with me to the Orient, he'll be quicker to deal with his pain. After all, in Schiereiland Palace there is now Selena. I can't calm down to let the woman I love stay in the same room as the woman who's been trying to kill me since I was born.

Actually, I'm pretty sure Selena's not that bad. I mean, he just wanted me dead, he didn't want everyone dead. He only dedicated his hatred to me because I was my father's son, the son born after my father betrayed his love by marrying my mother. But still, I don't want Selena to be around Anna.

So I agreed to Anna's request. I let him come with me to the Orient. Anna seemed very happy as if we were going on vacation to a warm, beautiful and full of sunlight instead of carrying out an important mission to the enemy country. At the very least, with Anna by my side during our time in the Orient, I was pretty sure that I would not die from Morta's poison attack.

Anna and I are getting closer now. He said he liked me. I interpreted it as 'he doesn't hate me, but also doesn't love me as much as I love him, but he accepts my presence around him'. I still feel very happy when he says it. It feels like my thousand-year wait to be reunited with him, all paid off with the word 'I like you'. I don't want to say that we're like lovers, because we're not. But we were close enough to be able to talk from heart to heart, send each other 'love letters' and we still slept together, and sometimes had dinner together. And when the night air in Schiereiland was very cold, he asked me if I was willing to hug him while sleeping. To me, the cold air in Schiereiland, never equaled the air in my kingdom. But Anna was really shivering even though she was wearing a blanket—she really couldn't stand the cold. So of course I hugged him. I was not willing, I had refrained from touching her, despite sleeping in the same bed, I kept my distance from her and made sure my hands did not wander. So when she asked like that, it felt like I had gotten permission to touch her. I held myself up all night to not cross the line, just a hug, it shouldn't be more than that. No one told me that restraint was very difficult to do especially because she, once, about a thousand years ago, was my wife. And I remember everything we ever did together as a married couple. But I couldn't break her trust in me, so with the thought that I would ruin everything if I couldn't hold myself back, I managed to give her warmth without crossing the line. And falling asleep while hugging her, and knowing that she felt comfortable and safe with me, was the best thing I ever felt.

***