The Flower Of Eternity
Chapter 24: The Family

Anna and Leon take Elyan to the Queen's Palace for a while while waiting for the servants at the Winterthur House to prepare a room to serve as Elyan's room.

Although initially opposed to the idea and expressed unwillingness to see the son of the witch who had killed her son, Irene accepted Elyan's arrival at the Queen's Palace, where she had lived while in Noord.

After that, Anna refocused herself on the Imperial issue that was being fought with the Orient Empire due to the Morta bomb explosion in Jungdo. Anna called the Generals and nobles to talk about it at the meeting.

While waiting for the meeting to arrive, Anna goes to Princess Vierra's room to spend her time with her daughter who she desperately longs for even though she's only been away for a few hours.

"Come in." Anna said as they arrived at the door of Princess Vierra's room and Leon was about to leave to leave Anna alone with his daughter. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

Leon complied and entered the room.

Vierra wasn't sleeping when Anna and Leon entered her room. The nannies and the mother said the Princess woke up early right after Anna and Leon went to the Northern Palace, but the tiny baby did not cry despite not seeing her mother. Even several times the Princess seemed to smile and laugh so that her caregivers actually felt comforted by her.

Anna allows her daughters' nannies to go to rest. They left Anna, Leon and Vierra in the room.

Anna walked towards her daughter's bed while Leon seemed to keep his distance and remained standing still by the door. Leon noticed Anna's face that looked radiant with pure happiness as she looked at her daughter. The smile she missed so much. Unknowingly, he smiled at her.

"Why so far away? Did you deliberately keep your distance?" Anna asked Leon, but her eyes kept on her daughter. "There's something else you haven't told me." Added.

And Leon realized that the last sentence was not a question.

Since Leon did not immediately refute her, Anna knew that her words were correct. He continued, "Why not tell me?"

"I told you, right? I was just trying to tell you the time wasn't right."

"I don't mean about your immortality." Said Anna. This time he turned his head towards Leon who was still unmoved in front of the door. As if afraid that her daughter would understand what she was going to say next, Anna lowered her voice, "How many thousand exactly were killed that day because of me? How many I killed, Leon?"

Leon was so surprised by the sudden question that he forgot how to answer. For a moment he was just silent in silence while still staring at Anna from a distance.

"Are you keeping your distance because you're afraid of me? What's that terrible thing?" Ask Anna again.

"No." Answer Leon directly. Leon kept his distance not because he was afraid of her. Ever since Anna married Xavier, it had been her custom to see her from a distance. It had become her new hobby to see the happy Anna from a distance. It had nothing to do with the events in the Northern Region. Leon couldn't say it.

Leon tried to explain. That Anna's strength didn't scare her. That he knows what it's like to kill people. Feelings of guilt and questioning your own humanity. "I just..."

"just?"

But Leon doesn't know the next words. What reason would he say, how to explain everything to Anna without having to make her feel even more guilty.

Leon does not understand Anna's actions that killed thousands of people. Not particularly. After he thought about it again, he did understand what he did. Because Anna did it unconsciously. As a result of being so angry and grieving over Xavier's death, Anna loses control of the Dragon power she holds. Leon can't even blame him.

But isn't that the same thing Eleanor did? Eleanor also killed thousands of lives and even nearly killed Leon herself because she was so dissolved in her grief over the death of her lover. Eleanor awakens the Griselda Grimoire, which has the power to revive the dead. As a result, Griselda possessed Eleanor and turned her magic teacher into a cold-blooded killer that killed thousands of people.

How is it different from what Anna did at Xavier's death? Why didn't Leon harbor the same hatred he felt for Eleanor? Why did she understand Anna's actions and even pitied her?

Leon himself had no answer.

"Today I read a report from the Hospital in Trivone on the number of patients who improved and who could not save their lives" Anna began. He couldn't look at Leon when he said all that, so he just stared at Vierra. Seeking healing for her inner self from the innocent gaze of the baby girl. "I wonder why the number of patients is even more when the incident in Montreux has been going on for a long time and I have recovered a lot. So I investigated it and found that the patients were victims of the Northern Territory and Winterthur."

"You did it unconsciously." Said Leon directly.

Anna shook her head in disapproval, "I am the leader of this Imperial. My job is to protect my people. Not slaughtering them like bloodthirsty monsters without common sense and without heart."

"You're not a monster."

Anna smiled bitterly, "It's okay, Leon. No need to find excuses for me. I can already accept it. I accept the fact that I did kill and hurt them all. That I was a leader who failed to protect his people. The wife who failed to protect her husband." Her voice choked, but Anna was determined not to shed any more tears. So he continued his words, "Vierra is my only hope. My chance to prove that I won't be the mother who failed to protect her daughter."

"You have not failed, Your Majesty. You're just..." Leon paused for a moment looking for the right words, "The universe is so unfair to you. You lost everyone you loved. Neither in this life, nor in your past life."

"The universe hasn't been fair in the past, Leon. That's not an excuse. The universe is also unfair to you because you have to lose your parents since childhood and make you an adopted son of the King and Queen who are looked upon with the eyes of the people in the Palace. But you didn't turn into a monster. You're a hero the people are proud of." Anna paused for a moment, adjusting her breathing and tone to stay calm. "Did they know it was me?"

"No. They just think of it as a natural disaster that is common."

Anna nodded in understanding, "I will not order you to keep this matter a secret. If you think everyone has the right to know that I am the cause of what they call a natural disaster, then tell them. I won't ban you. I will also try to correct my mistakes. I will take responsibility for everything and be a good leader. I'll stop blaming myself and start looking for ways to improve myself for the better."

Leon was speechless, so he hugged her. "It's an impulsive and disrespectful act towards a married woman as well as the Imperial leader, so I'll apologize afterwards. But please let me just hug you this time." Said Leon.

"I gave you permission." He said, letting the warmth of Leon's body calm him down.

"When I first came back from the border war, when you were thirteen, did you know what I was feeling? I saw many dead men, killed by my sword or the sword of others. At that time I felt very dirty. When I returned to the Palace, I felt the rancid smell of blood following me everywhere. Every time I try to sleep I come back to see the scenery on the battlefield. And I'm afraid you won't see me again. I thought you'd think of me as a ruthless killer monster."

"I never thought of you that way."

"I know." Said Leon. "So, that day, when I saw you in a bright blue dress, breaking through the rain and running towards me regardless of your soaking wet dress or your messy hair, to greet me with a hug, to greet me with a hug, I'm back to being human. You made me feel like I was back to being myself. And that's what I want to do now."

And of course Anna remembers that as well as Leon remembers it. Anna recalled the month after month that she had been through at the Palace, waiting for news from Leon. Awaiting return. Pray for Leon to return safely. And how happy he was to see Leon back that day. How grateful he was that Leon returned safely and fully. If Leon never told her, Anna would never know that at that time, Leon had felt lost his humanity. And that it was him who healed him.

"Thank you, Leon." Said Anna. "For everything."

Leon let go of his embrace, "Did it work?"

Anna nodded and smiled at him, "I think I'm back to being human."

Leon could not help his smile when he saw her. Back then, there was nothing else she wanted in this world but to be able to see Anna's smile for the rest of her life. "I'll support you. Whatever you do, I'll help you. Anyway I'd be bored to death for a thousand years if I didn't do anything."

"Thank you very much." Said Anna. He then turned his head back to Vierra who had been staring at him in silence as if listening to their conversation. "Wouldn't a baby usually cry if left by his mother? Why is he so calm?"

"It's not. She didn't seem to miss me at all, but I missed her so much that I couldn't stay away from her. It sucks." Anna grumbled, but she smiled happily at her daughter who was smiling at her.

"He's smiling."

"He's mocking me, right?" Anna reached out her hand to caress her daughter, but the Princess grabbed her finger and held it tightly. It was as if the baby was proving that he missed his mother too. "My daughter is not like any other baby who would cry if her mother left her. Sometimes I think. Maybe Xavier took my place to take care of her as long as I wasn't around."

"Your Majesty—“

"I know, Leon." Cut directly. Now he has accepted the fact that Xavier will not come back to him. That in the future he will live without Xavier. "I knew. That's impossible, right?"

Despite saying so, Anna still could not prevent herself from imagining Xavier alive. Anna can imagine Xavier would be an amazing father to Vierra. He would go to great lengths to be a good father to their daughter because Xavier knew what it was like when his father was too wrapped up in grief to give him enough attention. And Xavier won't repeat his father's mistakes. He will give his love to his daughter.

Xavier will try to make Vierra's favorite snack by studying with the Palace chef as he used to teach Louis to make Schiereiland's special food while they lived in Dong-gung. And when Vierra's big enough, Xavier might take her flying in the sky and cheer her up when she's sad. When Vierra was a teenager and the sons of nobles began to try to attract her attention, Anna could imagine Xavier would be overprotective and that holding all the sons of the nobility back was not good enough for her daughter, however, he will not be able to ban his daughter from dating a young man who is really liked by Vierra. When Vierra grows up, she will marry the man she loves—not because of a political marriage, and Xavier will be very hard to take off her daughter.

They may spend time together during the holiday season at one of the villas belonging to the Xavier family or at the Anastasia Palace in Eze. They would tell stories together in front of a campfire at night while drinking warm chocolate when Noord's weather became very cold. They will be like any other family, quarrel then make up, cry and laugh and share love and happiness with each other.

The lost years before arriving continue to fill Anna's mind as she holds Vierra until the princess falls asleep. Anna daydreamed as she watched the snow fall outside her daughter's bedroom window.

"It seems all the Princesses mature faster. He understood that his mother was a very busy Imperial leader." Leon's words brought Anna back to reality. "You were like that when you were a baby. You don't cry even if left behind by Queen Isabella, and you will smile happily to welcome the Queen when she returns. You'll fall asleep peacefully when the Queen is about to attend an important meeting and wake up after the meeting is over."

"really? I don't remember at all."

"of course. You were a baby."

"And you're at least five or six years old, right? How can you remember all that?"

"I have a strong memory, Your Majesty." Leon showed a proud smile.

Anna turned the eyeballs, "That's right."

"I'll probably remember about you even if I'm a thousand years old. Because my memory is so strong. I won't forget you. It won't." Said Leon. But as he said that, there was sadness in the look in his eyes.

And Anna saw that. Even though Leon didn't say it, he knew that Leon didn't want immortality. "Leon..." Speak slowly. "Are you not mad at me or at Xavier?"

"I? Why?"

"I don't know. I feel so guilty for you."

"Because I'm taking the punishment that Eleanor's going through?"

Anna nodded.

"I don't regret it." Said Leon. But Anna knew that wasn't what Leon wanted to say. Leon finally continued, "No. I'd be lying if I said that. At first I was very angry and upset. But now I can take it." Leon paused for a moment, and saw that Anna still could not believe his words.

Anna knew that immortality was not a gift to her, but a curse. The curse that Leon will be abandoned by everyone he knows today.

Leon continued his words, "You are always left behind by those around you, Your Majesty. King, Queen, Alexis, Xavier... Seeing you grieve over the deaths of all of them, makes me not want to die so there is no need to make yourself grieve like that. And it came true. I'll be the only person around you who won't make you grieve. I will stay alive and stay by your side until anytime. And..." Leon paused for a moment. It's hard for him to imagine his life after Anna's gone. But it will happen someday. "And when you're gone, I'll look after your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren even if they're not Grand Duke. I'll take my title off after you're gone or after Elyan is old enough and ready to become Grand Duke of Winterthur, but I'll keep your descendants and guide them to be good leaders. And I'll tell them all about you."

"You don't have to devote yourself like that. You gave Elyan his freedom. Give yourself freedom."

"I already have my freedom. I'm not locked up in the Northern Palace like Eleanor and Elias—“

"That's not what I mean." Anna said directly. "Now you're no longer my personal bodyguard. I have thousands of people who will take care of me. And I can take care of myself. I have my own power. And you're... You're free, Leon. Whatever promise you made with my father, forget it. You don't have to look after me anymore."

Leon raised his eyebrows, "You're kicking me out now?"

"Not." Anna sighed, "Good God. Should I explain it in more detail? What I mean is, you deserve to be happy too. Have your own family. Married and have children who will be your heir as Grand Duke—“

"Elyan would be my heir if he wanted to. I'm pretty sure he'll accept that birthright." Cut Leon. "And I won't marry anyone." Added.

Anna frowned. "Why are you talking like that?"

"I cannot age and will live for another thousand years. Later the woman I married will die leaving me first and I will feel very lost and grieved over her death. My children, my grandchildren, will all die before me. I will be left alone after everyone around me dies. I don't want to be like that."

Suddenly the sound of the door being knocked.

"Lake in." Said Anna.

One of the Wolf army members entered the room and bowed respectfully to the two, "Tsarina, all are already waiting for your presence in the meeting room."

"All right, I'll be right there." Said Anna. "And please call the nannies."

After the wolf squad member left, Anna put Vierra on her bed slowly. The Princess looked so good in her sleep that she was not disturbed even though Anna and Leon had been talking in the room.

Leon was about to leave first, but Anna called out to him before she actually left Princess Vierra's room. "Leon..."

Leon turned around, "Yes?"

"Try it." Said Anna. "Having your own family with your loved ones even though it won't last for a thousand years of your life later, it's worth it. For at least the next thousand years, you will have good memories with the people you love. Those beautiful memories that will keep you alive no matter how hard it feels, no matter how long you live."

Leon smiled in response, "But I already have my own family." He said calmly. "You are my family. You, Irene, Princess Xavierra and Elyan are now my family. And you guys are worth it."

***