The Wife Who Escaped
10# Desperate

Kirana was walking near the house.

I don't know how many hours I've been walking aimlessly. I was just walking along the road. The house is visible, but I always step back.

I don't want to go home, I don't want to go to that dark, lonely place. I feel like it would hurt more if I went in there.

'Unfortunately, the current chance of getting pregnant is very small.'

The words the doctor heard circulated in my head.

I'm not pregnant... … … … ? I tried hard, but it didn't work.

NO. NOPE. That doesn't make any sense. It can't be like this. No matter how many times I try to think rationally, I cannot accept this reality.

I'm going to the hospital again tomorrow, the doctor must have misunderstood, the doctor is stupid

There is no choice but to deny the truth. If this was real, it would be no different from falling to hell. A word that tries hard to ignore reality and then repeatedly ends with a sense of despair that again envelops my body.

Kirana sees a car parked in front of her. The car door with a familiar design opened, and someone I didn't want to face now came out.

"......"

The man who got out of the car was Reynand. Reynand noticed Kirana and approached and asked.

"Why don't you come in, what are you doing here?"

Kirana answered without making eye contact with him.

"Ah...... I'm just walking around."

"At this hour?"

Only then did I realize that Reynand was going home late.

It's only natural that I look weird walking around in street clothes at hours like this.

Kirana hurriedly left before she became even more confused.

****

Kirana enters the house with Reynand. As soon as Reynand entered, she headed to the dressing room, and Kirana headed for the kitchen.

Kirana put the tea leaves in the teapot and poured water.

In the dressing room, he heard Reynand take off his coat. Normally, when Kirana came home, she took off her clothes in the dressing room, but today she was waiting for Reynand to come out. It was because he didn't want to be in the same room as Reynand.

Reynand exits the dressing room while Kirana is making tea. He was only wearing sleeping pajamas that were over the knee length.

As if about to head for the bathroom, he headed towards the dining room.

"What is this smell?"

Reynand pointed at the teapot while winking.

"Peppermint."

"Give me a drink too."

Saying so, Reynand sat on a chair at the table.

I don't want to face him now...

Kirana hid her confused feelings and poured the tea into the teacup. A cool peppermint aroma permeates the dining room..

Kirana placed the teacup in front of her. Reynand slowly sipped her tea and hurled a soft word towards Kirana.

“As I know, the in vitro procedure turned out to be more complicated than I thought."

This was the first time the examination story had come out of his mouth. He looked at her with slightly widened eyes.He put down the teacup and added.

“Superovulation injections may cause side effects,”

When I talked about the examination yesterday morning, he didn't seem interested, but it seems like he did his own research.

Reynand opened her mouth again with a somewhat serious face.

"They said there was nothing wrong with the previous checkup. Come to think of it, we're both fine. So, I asked if there was a reason to do the check."

About a year after preparing for pregnancy, the two had checked themselves into a fertility center. At that time, the test results showed that neither Reynand nor herself had any problems with natural pregnancy.

Not knowing that the situation had changed since then, Reynand told Kirana.

“checking argues that choosing it as a last resort is the right thing when there is no other way."

"......"

"What do you think?"

The doctor said it was hard to get pregnant, and the examiner said it was hard. How can I tell you that I don't even have a last resort? Reynand's deep eyes stared at Kirana.

Cold sweat on my hands. My mind went blank and I didn't know what to say.

'Rrrrr--, Rrrr-r--.'

Reynand's phone rang. Looking at the sender, Reynand sighed for a moment and stuck my phone to the ear

"Yes, grandpa."

It was a phone call from the Chairman. The distance from Reynand was not far, so throughout the phone call, Grandpa's voice sounded faintly in Kira's ear.

I don't know what it is, but it sounds a little excited.

After a phone call that lasted about 5 minutes, Reynand put down my phone with a confused expression.

Seeing her lackluster expression, Kirana stared with curious eyes.

Reynand said with a tired face.

"It looks like Grandpa's been seeing the fortune teller again."

The place he was talking about was the home of divination that Grandfather visited every month.

After the death of his son, Grandfather began to believe for granted in the wealth he received there.

Reynand's father was his only grandfather's son, One month before he died, A shaman foretells to grandfather that a great disaster will befall one of the family members. Grandfather regretted not following the advice of the shaman back then, and now he just trusts and relies on his words.

“What did Grandpa say?”

Reynand answered Kirana's question in a cold tone.

“They say that bad luck will come into the house and ask you to be careful.”

"Bad luck?"

“I don't know what it is. The astrologer must have just said it.”

Kirana's eyes shook slowly. He was afraid that the bad luck the fortune teller was talking about might mean something about him.

"Looks like he scared you because bad luck would ruin the family."

"......"

“Does your judgment weaken with age? I don't understand how you can believe something like this without any proof."

Reynand shook her head as if she was astonished and brought the teacup to her mouth. In an instant, Reynand's gaze reached Kirana's fingertips. Kirana's finger holding the teapot trembled. The water in the teapot moved here and there.

Reynand put down the tea she was about to drink and faced towards Kirana.

"Is there a problem?"

Just then, Kirana asked with confused eyes.

Reynand's eyes examined his face.

“Your face is pale.”

Kirana's face was so pale that she looked frightened.

"What the hell is going on?"

Reynand. Kirana's eyes, which met those eyes, moved back and forth.

'I went to the hospital today.....'

Her dry lips drooped, but no sound came out.

'They said I couldn't have children'

It only resonated in my heart and did not dare to come out of my mouth.

How do you react when you know you can't have children?What about Mama-in-law and Grandpa, and what about Grandma?

Just imagining it made me feel the blood in my body was drying up. How their expressions would change, I really did not want to think for a second.

'Useful whore'

What Asih always said to her and her mother echoed in her head.

If I can't have children, I'm useless in this house. To be someone no one needs. Then, what will happen to me in the future? What about my mom?

Kirana's face paled and cold sweat came out. He bit his lips to hide his trembling lips.

Kirana looked down and said to Reynand.

"No. Nothing happened."

"......"

“I'm tired, so I go up first."

Kirana got up and went up to the second floor. He felt his gaze from behind, but pretended not to know and went into the room.

****

Kirana looked at the other side with a stiff face as it was tense. A female doctor with glasses framed with horns sat in front of him. The doctor's expression was not as good as his appearance.

I wondered if there was any other hope, so I went to the center of obstetrics, gynecology, and fertility. However, the stories I heard everywhere tasted salty.

"In conclusion, I think this will be difficult.”

"......"

"I'm sorry I had to tell you this."

The female doctor finished her speech with a sad face, and Kirana just lowered her head as if she knew it would happen.

As time went on, those hopes disappeared and those hopes became non-existent. There was no more strength left to get frustrated or to ask.

If you ask me why this happened to me or what I should do, there will be no answer.

This was the first time I realized how powerless humans were when there was only one answer to be accepted in the end.

It felt like everything in my body was gone and only an empty shell was left.

The doctor who was looking at the confused Kirana, spoke with a gesture.

“But since you are young, why don't you try everything you can?”

Until now, showing USG results and talking about difficulties, then trying to wrap up hope without possibility and throw it away did not touch Kirana at all.

Kirana, who had been sitting helplessly, slowly got up from her seat. After bowing his head to the doctor without saying anything, he left the treatment room.

Kirana went to the reception desk to pay for the maintenance fee, then headed towards the elevator.

There was no sadness or anger on his face. Only emptiness of unknown depth is filled.

[Floor 6.]

The elevator door opened and Kirana stepped in.

While standing on one side when the elevator door opened again on the fifth floor. The fifth floor is the floor where the obstetrics and gynecology department is located.See a woman with a slightly distended stomach and a small child.

“Rasha. Get in." Come in."

The mother and son hurriedly entered and stood beside Kirana. The boy looked towards Kirana and greeted in a bright tone.

"Hey.."

Kirana also looked towards the child and responded to the greeting.

"Ah.....Hello."

The child, who looked to be around five or six years old, had chubby cheeks and white skin. Kirana asked while looking at the boy's black eyes.

"How old are you?"

“Five years.”

Then the child's mother from the side helped with a word.

"What is 'five years old'? You have to say 'my age is five'."

The boy scratched his head hearing his mother's reprimand.

The boy looked at Kirana's face for a moment then took out something from the bag he was holding. And hand it to Kirana. Kirana saw what the boy had handed over. In his small fern-like hand, there was a bear-shaped jelly.

Kirana asked the boy.

“Did you give it to Auntie?”

The boy nodded.

"Thank you.... I'll eat it."

Kirana took the jelly and looked at the face of the child. Her sparkling eyes were beautiful, her small nose was beautiful, and her protruding forehead was also very beautiful.

As I looked at the child's face, a tingling sensation spread to one side of my chest. Unexplained emotions appeared and the corner of my eye became hot.

The boy looked at Kirana's face and tilted his head. The boy pulled the end of his mother's skirt and whispered.

“Mother... The aunt cried.”

Kirana lowered her head and buried her face in her hands. In the end, unstoppable tears flowed nonstop.

"Well...."

I just wish I had one thing I just wanted to have my own kids. It's okay to have only one child in my life, It doesn't matter if you're an ugly, unintelligent child, I just want to have my own.

I wanted to ask if it was a great deal of greed. I want to ask the world what my mistake was. Why the...... Why the.......Why is this happening to me......

"Hehehe....hehe....."

Kirana.

I want to cry as hard as a child.

Only endless despair controlled his body.

I wanted to escape to a place where no one was there and disappear forever.