ARTHUR
24

I do not reflect superficially or briefly on this dialogue. In what way will he silence his question? He definitely intended not to mislead her with false representations. Some anxiety now crept into my mind. I began to make conjectures about the nature of the scheme that made my suppression of the truth subservient. It seems like I am walking in the dark and will probably get into a snare or fall into a hole before I realize my danger. Every moment gathered my doubts, and I kept a secret premonition that the event would prove that my new situation was far more unlucky than I initially believed. The question now arises, with painful repetition, who and what is Welbeck? What does this have to do with foreign women? What will I be hired for?

I cannot be satisfied without a solution to this mystery. Why shouldn't I open my soul in front of my new friend? Considering my situation, would he consider my fears and allegations to be criminal? I feel that they come from commendable habits and views. My peace of mind depends on the favorable decisions that conscience must give in my process. I see the emptiness of fame and luxury, when balanced with the reciprocity of virtue. I will never buy the inducements of praise and luxury at the price of my honesty.

Amidst this reflection, dinnertime came. Ladies and Welbeck are present. New sentiments now filled my mind. I looked at them both with curious eyes. I cannot explain well the revolution that has taken place in my mind. Perhaps it was evidence of a change in my temperament, or it was just the fruit of my deep ignorance of life and manners. Whenever it appeared, I must have pondered the scene before me with changed eyes. His order and splendor were no longer the mother of serenity and admiration. My wild daydream to inherit this splendor and take the affection from this nymph, I now regard as mad hope and childish folly. Education and nature have qualified me for different scenes. It may be a mask of misery and a structure of evil.

My colleagues and I were silent during the meal. The woman retired as soon as it was over. My inexplicable melancholy is on the rise. It did not go unnoticed by Welbeck, who asked, in a friendly manner, the visible cause of my despair. I am almost ashamed to relate to the extremes brought about by my stupidity. Instead of answering it, I was weak enough to shed tears.

What, he asked, was it thought to suggest this new plan? What motives could incite me to bury myself in rural obscurity? What is my purpose for throwing myself away? Are any new friends showing up more capable or more willing to benefit me than ever before?

"No," I replied, "I have no relationship who will have me, or a friend who will protect. If I go to the village it will be a hard job as a day laborer; but even that is better than my current situation. "