ARTHUR
31

"I am content to live with the gift of my kinsmen. His family is big, and his income is small. He did not want to reproach me, or even insinuate the propriety of providing for myself; but he empowered me to pursue any liberal or mechanical profession that might suit my taste. I am insensitive to any generous motives. I worked hard to forget my dependency and despicable condition, because memory is a source of sadness, without being able to inspire me with a steady determination to change it.

"I contracted an acquaintance with a woman who was unholy, perverted, and vicious. I, however, did not find it a difficult task to cheat. My uncle protested the union. He took pains to uncover my guilt, and to convince me that marriage was inappropriate for one poor person, like me, from the means of support, he said, even if the object of my choice personally cannot be excluded.

"The statement was listened to with anger. That he thwarted my will in this, even with an affectionate expostation, nullified all the debt of gratitude I had to him. I rewarded her for all her kindness with mockery and contempt, and rushed to finish my bad omen marriage. I have deceived the woman's father with the statement of having a secret resource. To satisfy my desires, I descended into deception and falsehood. He admitted me into his family, as the husband of his son; but the character of my wife and the fallacy of my statement were quickly discovered, and I turned to the world to bear the punishment of my insecurity and my laziness.

“Trial will mold me into any evil form . My virtuous theories and comprehensive knowledge will not save me from the most basic of evils. Luckily for me, for now, I was freed from temptation. I have been in contact with a young American captain. After knowing some about my situation, he invited me to go with him to his own country. My journey was in vain. I arrived, in a short time, in Charleston, which was where he lived.

"He introduced me to his family, whose members, like himself, are imbued with compassion and benevolence. I was treated like a child and a brother. I was entertained so kindly that I was able to pick out some lucrative industry lines. Such was my incurable depravity, that I was in no hurry to choose my pursuit. The time lapse of the occupation was successful, which I implemented for the worst purposes.

"I contemplate with amazement and horror at the steps that led to his decline and my doom. In a high-passion career all consequences are ignored. He is the trick of the most daring ruse and the dirtiest delusion. I am a slave to sensual impulses and voluntary blindness. The effect can be easily understood. Not until pregnancy symptoms begin to appear do our eyes open to the destruction that will befall us.

"Then I began to think about the consequences, which had been hidden by the fog of lust. I was tormented by a deep sense of regret, and pursued by a ghost of ingratitude. To complete my despair, this poor woman was told of my marriage to another woman; a situation I anxiously hid from her. She runs away from her father's house at a time when her husband and brother are expected every hour. What happened to him I don't know. He left a letter to his father, in which the melancholic truth was told.

"Shame and regret do not rule my life. To avoid the storm of mockery and slander, to calm the commotion of my mind, I did not bring myself to voluntary death. My cruelty still clings to this miserable existence. I suddenly retired from the scenery, and, fixing up to the harbor, boarded the first ship to appear.The ship happened to belong to Wilmington, in Delaware, in Delaware, and here I was looking for an obscure and cheap place to live.

“I have no means of livelihood. I was unknown to my neighbors, and wanted to remain unknown. I am not qualified for menial labor by all my life habits; but there is no choice between poverty and perseverance, between honest labor and criminal inactivity. I unceasingly contemplated the sadness of my condition. Hours passed, and the horror of desire began to envelop me. I searched eagerly for the path with which I could escape. My evil nature leads me from one guilty thought to another. I took refuge in my usual ruse, and ended up reconciling myself with the scheme of forgery !"