Fazila Tipan From Heaven
I'm Sorry

"You guys have arrived? Thank goodness!" Mama said as she got up from her sitting position.

Mama approached my Fatimah without removing a happy smile from her face. For the first time Mama looks so relaxed, even though many people at home. A warm hug landed on my slender Fatimah body. And without saying a word Mama immediately grabbed his arm and led him to walk towards the sofa where everyone was.

I never thought Mama would invite so many family members on the first day I brought Ummi Fazila to visit the big house of Wijaya's residence. Don't know what they're gonna do? My wedding is still nine days away.

Nine days?

For me it feels very long, but still I have to hold on to it. On the ninth day, there will be a big party. Opa chose the ninth day because it coincided with the anniversary of his company, the As Group company which was actually headed by Opa Ade.

Even Papa who is usually quiet was seen not stop talking to the two brothers, I mean Kiai Hasan and Kiai Lutfi. Of course Opa Ade participated in it, it felt less afdol if Opa Ade did not engage in the crisp conversation of the three mature men.

When I dissolved in my happy thoughts, my net even caught the cheerful face of a beautiful Aunt. I wonder who the pretty aunt came with? Is with... My words were stuck in my throat as someone patted my shoulder from behind.

"Alan's... What the hell are you doing? Are you gonna stand here? Until when?"

"Oooohops...!"

My net was perfectly rounded, I was completely unaware of the existence of Opa Ade. Didn't he just sit on the couch two minutes ago and talk to Kiai Hasan and Kiai Lutfi? When did he walk towards me? Did Opa know I was staring at Ummi Fazila with a loving look? For a moment I fell silent while scratching my head which was not itchy. I tried to hide my silliness in front of Opa Ade who was beginning to look full of probes.

Alan... You're such a fool! Who are you trying to hide from? From your Opa? That is truly unforgivable stupidity. I muttered in my heart while smiling faintly.

"Basin' bad boy! Why do you look embarrassed? She's your wife, Opa won't say anything even if you stare at her all day. Opa was also once young, so you don't have to pretend to be stupid like that."

Opa Ade chuckled, he looked at me but his hand clapped my shoulder again.

"You can look at your wife as much as you want. But that's special for tonight. Now meet your best friend. Araf is in the reading room." Say Opa Ade while pointing to the reading room located in the south near the park.

Araf is here? When did he come? Did he come with a pretty aunt? I fell silent while looking at the smiling face of a beautiful aunt.

"What are you waiting for? You can go to Araf and talk to him." Follow Opa Ade again then he walks towards the sofa where everyone gathers.

Meanwhile in the reading room Araf was picking books while standing, occasionally he was heard talking to himself. His eyes focused on the book in his hand. I don't know what book he read until he looks like he's frowning.

Mmmmmm!

I purposely cleared my throat just to melt the atmosphere. The atmosphere feels a little awkward. Understandably, since the last jotos I rarely communicated with Araf, and since then we both have never spoken again. I think Araf is still mad at me, no matter what happens today, our problems need to be resolved.

"You're coming? I'm glad you're here!" I started the conversation while throwing my tired body on the sofa.

"Yes. I just got here. Mama said she wanted to see your wife. Mama forced me to meet and invited me to come to your house. You know, right? Refusing Mom is like committing suicide."

"Maafff! I never saw you. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that time isn't possible."

"That's it, Lan! I know your condition. So you don't have to say anything. You don't have to apologize to me either. That's really not necessary."

Araf was sitting on the sofa, right in front of me so I could stare at his handsome face. In his hand, Araf carried a neatly wrapped box of golden color. I don't know what he's thinking until his face looks lethargic. Don't-don't...

"Don't mind me..." Speak Araf fast. He looked at my face with a faint smile.

Glekkkkk!

I could only swallow the saliva in surprise, hearing Araf's words as if he was reading my mind like an open book. We were friends long enough to guess each other's thoughts. Isn't this weird? Although it feels strange that's the reality, it feels like I want to smile but as much as possible I try to restrain myself. I did it to keep Araf feeling. I do not want to be happy above his suffering, for the truth is that his suffering is also my pain.

"Never think your happiness is the source of my heart. We live according to each of our own destiny."

After hearing Araf's words I could only sigh roughly, I could understand where this conversation was going next. I was still speechless as Araf continued his sentence.

"I'm honestly very angry with you. I feel pissed at you. I hate you and I don't want to see your face." Just keep Araf on. This time we looked at each other, my heart felt like it had been pierced by a dagger. His words, his sadness, his anger, and the pain he was experiencing were burdensome to my soul. This is what I don't want to hear, and this is what I don't want to see from Araf. The usually cheerful figure was now wrapped in grief and wounds.

What am I supposed to do? I can't prevent everything from happening. Even Ummi Fazila felt compelled to marry me. And bad, I can't share all my fret with anyone and I don't have the right to do that either.

Alan... You will never be happy as long as the people by your side are unhappy. My babble in heart while fixing my sitting position that feels uncomfortable.

"I didn't want to come at that sacred event. And the night before, all night I couldn't sleep, I thought very hard.

Why Alan? Why not just me? Is my love not that sincere until God does not hear my request? What is my lack? I can make her happy more than anyone, so why doesn't God unite my heart with her? Am I a worthless human being? The thought filled my brain. To the extent that I didn't realize the morning was coming." Araf was silent for a moment. The face that always looks cheerful is as if it is blocked by cloudiness that does not know when it will disappear.

Why is our destiny like this? Had it never happened none of this would have bothered our souls. And strangely I don't regret my past. The sweet smile of my beautiful daughter, Meyda Noviana Fazila seemed to erase all my sorrows and it made me feel even more guilty towards Araf. I bowed in silence, but my heart was still filled with guilt.

"You have every right to be angry with me! You have the right to hit me too! I won't say anything, the three of us are involved in this strange relationship. And I really can't say anything.

If I were to curse my past, Fazila is in it and I would never be able to do that!" Warm droplets began to drip down my cheeks.

For some reason every time I talk about the past it all feels like it contains onions, and strangely I can't help my heart not to grieve. Did I turn into a crybaby? I don't know, I can't judge myself.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the happiness I feel. I'm sorry for the sadness you're feeling." So much apology came out of my lips, but not a word came out of Araf's words, for a moment I looked at his face, the face was smiling faintly. I really can't read his way of thinking, hopefully the unification of me and Umm Fazila won't bring big trouble to his heart

...***...