Grabbing Asa
Bright Point
This time I am fixated on a single point of the past, about Me being shackled by the memories of the past, a little claustrophobic when those memories are twisted. Count windu moves slowly bringing dusk and dawn alternately, companion the inevitable tenuous. Until a hundred nights of separation make the stifling rope come loose, freeing Me from past memories.
“Mbak, eat first yuk!” bring Riris
“Introduction, Ris” sahutku
I heard Riris sigh slowly. And like her she was no longer waiting in front of the room. I remember the drawer that was always locked, Mom always locked it and no one could open it. I ransacked my mother's closet, looking for the keys to the closet. Before long I found it and I opened the drawer and found out what really happened.
My eyes were fixed as a newspaper lying in the drawer, in view of the cover and the date, it was an old newspaper. I took it and read it. My eyes condense because of the tears that are piled up in the eye sinks. In my heart I always wondered. Is this news really? Why did you keep it a secret? Don't I deserve to know?
“I, hate you Daddy, if this news is true” my hands are clenched, my eyes are reddened by holding back tears and anger
I'm trying to control my emotions, I'm gonna prove it to my own father. I went out and acted as usual, back packing the cakes that Riris made.
“Mbak, alright?” Ask Riris
“Yes, Ris, Mbak just need peace, oh yeah, Faris where?” much
“Lacking to know, Ma'am, it was gone but not back and forth” he said
“Assalamualaikum” Faris comes carrying 2 packs of meatballs
“Waaah, Ma'am already out” Faris hugged me, making me feel uncomfortable
“Detach, Ris” I hit his hand and he released a hug with a sinless smile
“what time is it?! Where are you going?! Why just came home?!” I ask for a long time
“patience, Ma'am, patience, do not be angry, my dear Ma'am, look, Faris bring meatballs” It shows the meatballs brought
“the max is hot gk, buy where are you?!” much
“hehe at home temen” said
“nih, between all orders to consumers, this is the notebook not to be mistaken address” my order
Faris received a notebook with a lethargic face, He looked at the notebook, and said “a lot, Ma'am, it's new Faris coming, cape loh”
“ck, already there, quickly go, later the consumer on the rebate again if the later” I said
Faris left with a lethargic face, Riris and I giggled amusedly at her, let it be, who told me to go home in the afternoon.
“eat, Ris” I told Riris
“iya, Mbak” answered her
I walked towards the front, my eyes looking at a business card that fell out of Faris's pants pocket, but I didn't tell him, I took it
“Ris, Let's go to the room for a while, ya” I said
“iya, Mbak”
I picked up the phone to call the number on the business card.
Fr…
“ayo lift, I need your explanation”
Foeto.. Foetish…
“ck, lift”
Before long someone picked up my phone, I was silent for a moment when I heard his voice, wanted me to talk but I hesitated, long I was silent until the person across there turned off his phone line. I called back and he picked up my phone
“Hallo”
...
“Mbak, Riris home yes, it's 21.00 wib” pampit Riris
“Iya, Ris, Mbak come with you until the front yes, we go with”
“where, Mbak?” Faris walked towards me
“streetings, already you are home, finish the ingredients of the cake. Oh yes, the same do not forget to keep all the plastic for packing yes, drugs, Faris” my word while waving my hand
Riris just smiled looking at our interaction. On the way we told each other, shared experiences, but the conversation was more dominant I told a lot, Riris only responded by smiling and answering occasionally if I asked. At the intersection of me and Riris parting ways, Riris must go home to accompany her mother and sister, as well as me, I must immediately go to the park, meet someone.
It's been an hour I've been waiting, but there's no sign of him coming. Did he forget his promise? The night was getting late, I sat on the park bench alone, waiting like a fool. The watch on my right hand shows 23:30 wib. It's almost midnight but the person I'm waiting for hasn't arrived yet.
“Mbak, sorry Dad was late” he said regretfully
“I guess, you forgot about this park”
“There's no way Dad's forgotten this memorable garden, Mbak” he smiled, a smile I couldn't understand
“I want to ask something”
“Ask what you want to ask, Mbak” He smiled and rubbed the tip of my head gently
When I was stunned, for a long time I did not feel a gentle swipe from him, he realized because he saw me who was just quietly flinching until he lowered his hand from my head
“sorry, Father reflexes,”
I was clumsy, I was as speechless as I was, until I almost forgot my purpose in meeting him
“ekhem” I cleared my throat, covering my nervousness
“but Dad had one request before, Mbak asked”
I fell silent
“Call Me, Ayah”
I turned my face the other way. Ah, I hate situations like this. It makes me helpless.
“gpp, if, Ma'am still can't, Dad Will wait, until that time comes,” he said
I saw him shed tears, what should I do? I don't know what I'm supposed to do? I'm like an ungodly child right now, letting my Dad cry because of myself, I'm trying to neutralize my heart, before I ask about what happened
“Mbak, where can this be?” He looked surprised, and asked again
“Jawab only, yes or no!?” my speech
He turned his face away, his lips still silent, no answer from him
“Jawab!” yell at
“Ya”
As my tears fell, I cried breaking the silence of the night. Tight, it feels really claustrophobic to know the truth
“listen to Daddy's explanation first, Mbak” He hugs me tightly, calms me in tears
“No! You're not my father, you're not my father!” I rebelled in an embrace, but he hugged me even tighter
“Mbak, listen to Daddy” He keeps whispering sedative words
Finally I fell silent, letting her hug me. I've missed this hug, it's been a long time I haven't felt it, but why should it be this time? When I knew the truth. I kept crying until I fell asleep in my arms.
...
I blinked my eyes slowly, looking around the room, a room that was very foreign to me. I saw a wall clock on display in the room, a clock that shows 05:30 wib. With a slow step I walked to the bathroom that was in the room for ablution and performing prayer, I prayed using the mukena on the table. After praying I went out of the room, looked at every room in this house, a fairly large house with many rooms.
“Waking up, Mbak” the voice of the baritone I knew made me aware
By reflex I turned towards him, I fell silent, then came to my senses and tried to find the exit, the man got closer, making me afraid
“listen first to the explanation, Father,”
He kept coming towards me while I kept stepping back until my back touched the wall. His confession scared me, so scared, I couldn't believe that he dared to do it
“I want to go home, I want to go home” Racauku cried
“calm down, Ma'am, listen to Daddy's explanation first, Dad was forced to do it for you!,” he said
“Lying! You Lied!” I sat down with my hands covering my face
“Mbak, relax first yes, calm yes, Mbak” he rubbed my back gently
After a few hours of crying I finally calmed down, led me to sit on the sofa, he gave me water to neutralize my dry throat.
“Mbak, Daddy Mau explained everything, but Mabak must promise not to cut Dad's speech in the least”
I was silent to digest her words, I was afraid, if I couldn't hold back my own emotions. I was silent for a long time until I finally nodded in response
He took a slow breath and started telling me “Dad forced, Ma'am, Dad forced to do it, all because Dad wants to protect y'all”
He shed tears clearly visible a look of regret from his face, I dare not wonder, let him finish the story
“Daddy, it is not a real father, Mbak and Faris, but Dad loves you like a real child Father” he said again
“but why..”.
“listen to Daddy first” He cut my words
“This” he pointed to a photo of a man who was very similar to Faris
“ini papah, papah bladder, Mbak”
“papah” I took a photo, and I wiped papah's face
“Why? Why did you kill him?! What's wrong with my Papah?!” yell at
He was still silent, his eyes looking straight ahead with a blank look
“Jawab?!” yell at me again
“Maaf”
“just that?” much
“Daddy told by someone” he said
“Who?! Who?!” much
“Vania, therefore Dad married Mom, Dad felt guilty” he lowered his head
“Dad can no longer explain his” he said again
“Explain, explain, I beg” I wiggled his arm but he was still silent
I cried and screamed, demanding that he explain everything, I even threw things in this room, making the room a mess, but He was still unmoved not responding to what I was doing. I paused for a moment, regulating my emotions.
“Rara?” much
“Rara, Daddy”'s son replied
“If Rara is your child why didn't you help her then?!” much
“Rara is dead, Rara died because she was late to get help, it's all because of you?!” I pointed at him making him flinch
“Daddy, can't, at that time Dad really can't” he replied
“Color aunty Vania? Because he too right you left Mother?!” my tofu, my,
He just nodded in agreement
“why?” my body slammed onto the floor, I was banging my chest which was tight, very tight, He tried to stop my actions by hugging me.
I returned to calm in his arms, “don't let go of this hug, Father, I want to continue to be in your arms” those words only get to the throat, I can't say it
“I want to go home” only that word is spoken
“We go home, Daddy between ya” he said softly
I came home with Dad in the car. We were both silent, no one started any conversation between us. He was focused on driving the car, as well as me, I was focused on my mind. Not out of thought with what the woman who looks ayu it.