Grabbing Asa
Insecure

My routine is now making a living, replacing my mother selling around, and taking care of the needs of the house, lucky my sisters already understand they help me make fried food and clean the house without me asking. I smiled looking at my friends leaving in full school clothes. In the past, I was most excited to go to school, always accomplished, a title always stuck in me, hoping I would get a scholarship.

An insecure?

Of course, I am insecure with my friends, I feel inferior as well as envious of them. I always try to keep smiling ignoring the pain in my heart. Trying to stay fine, even though my heart was crying, circumstances forced me to stay firm.

“Mbak, Faris left first ya” Faris kissed the back of my hand and I just smiled in response

“Ris” call me

Faris looked back for a moment.

“Sangat” My free hand made a fist and I lifted it into the air, encouraging Faris, although there was actually so much I wanted to talk about. Faris just smiled and said “definitely Mbak, wait for the success of Faris ya” he said with a smile. I sighed softly and entered the house, I saw Rara who was still sitting pensively on the worn-out bench.

“Rara” call me, Rara just looked at me for a moment and then looked back down

“Ra, when will Rara be?” ask me slowly

He just shook his head and came back crying, I hugged him letting my sister cry out the disappointment that came back. Rara is very close to her mother, because of her closeness she feels very lost.

“Mbak, Rara wants Mom, Rara promises not to be naughty”

“Ra, Mbak want to sell, Rara want to come?” I asked, I tried to distract him, at least he forgot about mom for a moment. He looked at me with a glare, and he soon nodded. It didn't take long for us to get ready. And walk away from home to sell.

Shop by store we approached. However, none of our merchandise has been sold. The atmosphere was getting hotter, the sun was already overhead, we stopped by the nearest mosque for prayers and rest. Someone my friend approached.

“Offah?” her question was doubtful, I just smiled awkwardly in response

“do you have to go to school? Why sell?” tannya

“I quit, and now I'm selling fried foods, and tengginang, you want to buy?” much

“no, it must be unhealthy food right? Already you rent from mornin” he said cynically

As soon as I cried, my tears flowed without command, I lowered my head to cover these tears, swiftly wiped my hands with tears, and smiled covering up the pain. Nah! I must not be weak, there are still many hopes that will be achieved even though the road that I pass is not easy.

“Rara, let's go home? Rara must be hungry, Mbak also has cape” said me

“but, trading Mbak?”

“later let Mbak alone roving again yes, Rara at home aja”

“Rara scared herself Mbak” I smiled at her words, I rubbed the tip of her head

“Let's Ma'am wait until I go home” Faris Rara just nods at my words.

Finally we decided to go home, on foot a considerable distance. We all passed by with joy. No complaints came out of my sister's lips.

“Assalamualaikum” Say us when entering the house

“Rara rest first, Ma'am to the kitchen first” I walk to the kitchen and cook fried rice, lucky I had time to cook rice. So Rara didn't have to wait long. I soon heard Faris say hello. Immediately I moved the rice dishes and brought them forward. I was lucky to cook all the rice.

“See! What did mama bring? Come quickly eaten,” I said

“Nasi fried again Mbak?,” Tanya Rara lethargic

“for now we eat fried rice first yes, in shaa Allah soon we will eat rice with a delicious side dish” I took the leftover fried rice this morning to be our side dish.

“Sini Mbak, Faris bantu” Faris tidied up our place to eat and went to the kitchen to wash dishes.

“Rara, break ya” I said with a smile. He just nodded and went into the room to sleep on the mat.

“Ris, Mba depart again ya” pamitku on Faris

“Yes, Mba” says from the kitchen

I went back to selling, house by house, but no one bought my money. I won't give up, even if my body is tired I can't rest.

“Fah, you are now selling?” Again, I met my friend, I lowered my head, the pain and embarrassment returned. Nah! This is all fate, right?

“ya” my answer is short

“gk shy? Gini ya Fa, You are smart, should be your age it is just learning not selling, if I really do not want to sell, shy aja” he said cynically

“Kalo You gk want to buy, gk need ngehina” said me and leave just like that

“Told you instead sewot” grunggutu that I can still hear

Azan magrib reverberated, I immediately stopped by the mosque to pray, in my silence, so that God would facilitate my dreams, through his way. I sat on the terrace of the mosque before I sold again. By accident my eyes saw a group of teenagers who seemed to have just returned home from school. They were joking and laughing, still wearing their school uniforms. Ah, I used to be. I was crying and I wasn't as strong as I expected. Immediately I wiped away the tears that were dripping, while waiting for the azan isha I offered to the people who stopped by the mosque. Not in vain my money sold.

“Fah?” Someone called me and patted me on the shoulder, I looked over

“Bu” my broom, yes, he is my teacher, the teacher who understands me the most and defends me when I want to be expelled

“What do you sell?” tannya

“Rengginang, Bu” I said with an awkward smile

“What price, Fah?” again, he asked again

“15.000 one pack” reply

“nih, I bought 3, no need to change” Bu Farhah gave me 50,000

“Alhamdulillah, thank you” I said with pleasure

“Offah, I want to talk to you for a minute?” He asked, I nodded doubtfully, and finally we spoke on the terrace of the mosque after the prayer

“Iffah activity is now only selling?” Ask Farhah ma'am

“Iya, Ma,” I replied

“Iffah, I have friends acquaintances, friends Mother has C package agency, Iffah can join C package if you want, so Iffah can pass High School just like other friends,” he said

“Definitely Expensive yes, Bu the cost,” more doubt

“Iffah, I can talk later about the cost of the same friends Mother, the most important Iffah must want to learn again,” he said with a sweet smile that adorns his face

“Mau, Ma'am,” I replied excitedly

“Okay, we will talk again yes, Mother came home first,” he said, and I nodded my assent.

Getting an offer like that feels very happy, I don't need to be insecure with myself. Because in reality, the process of a person to success is different. I believe I can be a person of value. I will prove that people like me can also have dreams and have the right to achieve what they dream