HEARTBREAKS
HEARTFELT

Everything's ruined

My body was limp when I saw the 2 blue lines

My dream is gone

I don't know what I'm supposed to do now

I ventured to speak to

Mom & Dad

I can see they are very disappointed in me

Especially Mama

Mama decides to go to Korea with Zidan as well as to treat Zidan

The next day, Papa caught up with them.

Many of my neighbors asked me why my family had left me

I told them

Zidan went abroad

Mom and Dad should accompany us.

It was a bit of a relief because they believed, but there were also some who did not believe.

Since that day

Loneliness continues to haunt me

I hate this fucking kid

He ruined everything.

I had my tough days, I was away from the world.

Staying away from Edzard's brother, I felt dirty and unworthy to meet him.

Everything's fucked up

The thoughts feelings all

All messed up

I have to enroll in a university now.

But his presence bothers me.

I hurt myself many times.

Every morning I want to wake up and find myself in a different world.

But none of that happened.

Sometimes I hold back hunger and wish this damn kid dead.

I want to take drugs or food that can abort the baby in my womb, but I undo my intentions.

If I miscarry and this baby dies, but if this baby is born prematurely what?

I am not a cruel person, I still have a conscience even though I hate it.

One night my dad called me

He talks a lot of things.

She said

My son is innocent, he also forbade me to abort.

He said he prayed every night for me, he assured me everything would be fine.

I thought about seeing Azelvin and saying everything, even though I wasn't sure he would believe and take responsibility, at least he should know.

But when I got to his house, I found only his mother who cursed me this and that, I did not accept and chose to leave.

I just realized that his presence is a gift, I love him, I promise I will always love and care for him even though I am alone.

I'm sure I'm a strong woman, I can deal with this kind of thing.

So I started buying pregnant women's milk and some healthy vegetables.

I'll take care of her, I'm a good mother.

I intend to make amends for all my wrongs to the innocent.

On the way home, a car hit my body, so I bounced far enough.

I felt pain in my stomach.

What if my son dies?

He's never felt the air?

I haven't been so good.

Lord

Please save my son

I want to be happy with my son.

But God loved him more when I woke up from my coma.

He no longer exists.

I'm a bad mother

I can't protect her

How can someone like me be trusted by God.

I regret all my actions so far.

My mistake

Omissions

All I can do is regret

I hugged my own body along with the fall of my tears

How's it going?

Are you all right?

You didn't cry because Mama didn't accompany you there, did you?

Are you cold?

Are you lonely?

Who's gonna take care of you?

Who gives you a bribe when you're hungry?

Who told you stories when you had trouble sleeping?

Are you okay there?

Please say yes

You always come in Mama's dreams

But why haven't you been seen lately

Did something happen?

Did you go so far you couldn't come to Mama?

Are you mad at Mama for hurting you?

So, you're just kidding with Mama, aren't you?

Do you want to play hide and seek?

When it rains, are you there, hiding behind the clouds and stripping off.

Every day Mama worries about you, son

Please don't do this to me

I know I deserve this for all my mistakes

But can I beg you not to do this to me.

I can't

Mama can't forget you

Even though my mom never saw your face

Even though mom never took you

Even though my mom never hugged you

Mama can't just forget you

Right now with this difficult time because your Papa is not beside me

He's a bad guy

I keep leaving this heart empty

But all I did was continue to be someone desperate

Don't feel guilty because you're far away from me

Our memories are still engraved clearly in my memory

All this won't be long

Until we are reunited

There is no farewell word for us

Until that time comes

Be patient wait for Mama

My favorite son Azka Aleston

Sorry for adding that bastard's name to your holy name

But I don't know why this heart wants that name stuck.

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To Azelvin Aleston

What have you done

Everything is so heavy

Why are you doing this?

What wrong?

Why do you have that once

What's in your brain

Why are you so bad?

Should I forgive you?

Do you deserve to be sorry?

I want to wipe you out with the sadness you gave me

I cannot defeat the sadness of my heart

I suffer from dark and tiring nights

The morning of nonchalance woke up

This wound burns me more than I thought

This pain stabbed me deep inside

Countless nights I spent hating you

It feels like hell

I don't want to hold a grudge

It's just that I remember disappointing facts from you

You used to be the one who could change the world so as not to hurt me

But now this cry is because of you

And you're not next to me

That's when I knew how much

Your asshole