Hijrah The Love
40. After I Repent

After I repented.

Look at you in my tears.

Crying and regret. That's all Satria can do tonight. In his hand was Kang Umar's book, The Way of Repentance. One of his tires entitled "Repent from the maksiat Zina" managed to make his entire body goosebumps. Tears of regret incessantly drenched his cheeks.

Duhai brother, let us go if your mother is disgraced? Would you be willing if your sister was disgraced? Would you care if your aunt was disgraced?

I'm sure your little heart says no.

By Allah, I fear all my past sins. I regret all my actions. And, I took refuge from all evil for having done such a bad and heinous deed many times.

I read the explanation of Imam Shafi'i presented by Ustadz Salim A. Fillah that zina is a debt. That explanation makes it difficult to sleep. And, it would make one think millions of times to do such a bad and heinous deed.

In one story, someone came and asked the Shafi'i Imam, "Why is the punishment for adulterers so severe?"

The face of Imam Shafi'i was flushed. Her cheeks are blushing pomegranate. Then, he said, "Because adultery is a sin of error' (great risk ). The result will be his family, his neighbors, his descendants to the rats in his house and the ants in the burrows around his house."

The man again asked, "Why is the execution of his sentence with that? As Allah says, "And let not your mother's taste for them prevent you from establishing religion."

Imam Shafi'i fell silent, then wept. After her cries stopped, she said, "The cause of adultery often comes from love and love always makes a person feel compassion. Then Satan came to make us love man more than he loves him."

Then the man asked again, "And why did Allah say, ' And let the execution of their punishment (adulter ) be witnessed by a group of believers? Is not punishment for murderers, apostates and thieves, God does not require making it a spectacle?"

As soon as Imam Shafi'i's beard was wet, he was shaken, then he said, "To be a lesson" he said sobbing.

"To be a lesson," he sniffled.

"To be a lesson," he again sobbed.

Then, he got up from his seat and his eyes lit up again. He said, "For you know that adultery is a debt. And, really debt is still debt. One of the people in the nasab/hered of the culprit must have paid for it."

That's why I'm scared. Afraid that the sin of adultery I committed befell my daughter. I cry every night repent to God. To forgive and hope, this path of my conversion can save my daughter from the sins I once committed.

I want to make my step in life a manifestation of my path of repentance. As the Noble Master, Al-Allamah Sayyidi Habib Umar bin Muhammad bin Salim bin Hafidz Hafizhahullah, said, "Everyone who walks towards Allah must always be converted, for the sake of glorifying God. Your journey to God is not valid as long as you have not repented. Every step you take to draw near to Him is one of the manifestations of repentance."

Satria pondered over the book by Kang Umar who had read it many times with a trembling chest. Tears were still dripping down her cheeks.after that, she performed evening prayers in her room. Enjoying silence with Him. Shifting hope, prayer, and all the restlessness of the heart. Affirm all the episodes of life that have been present in his life.

"o Allah, do I deserve to be Your servant?

"Shall I bow before You?

"With the sea of sins I have?

"O Allah, my nights were makshiat. The story of my life used to be to stay away from the path of obedience. I used to always challenge you. Following the steps is only because of Lust. I used to be a follower of the path of devils and devils. I am sorry, Rabb. I regret everything. I am back, O God. I want to go back to your path. Wanted so much for your love. Accept my repentance, God....... Accept me back in Your way."

Then, in the light of his repentance prayer, Satria remembered a name. Someone who has become his way of knowing the Hijrah village so that he can walk the path of hijrah and conversion there. Someone he considers to be very valuable in his life.

.... How are you doing now?

O Allah, I beg you not to. Protect her always in your power, in your love, and, please, meet me again with her, even once.

There was warmth and a growing sense in Satria's heart as she said the prayers for Dusk. Prayer, indeed the main weapon of believers, is also the weapon of those in Landa who long deeply.

Sunny morning at Satria's house, finished the morning prayer he jogged around the residential complex, when he returned, Mama had made sweet tea for him

"Great, thank you, Ma" she said, smiling at Mama.

"Oh, yes, Ma, Satria can return to the hijrah village tomorrow? It's not good if the permit is too long. It's nothing, right?" Satria asked while drinking sweet tea made by Mama. Satria felt that he had to return to the Hijrah village. There are many educational programs that he still has to follow.

"Yes, it's nothing. Mama has taken a week off work, so you can take care of your sister" replied Mama.

"Thank you, Ma" said Satria.

Satria then promised to give more news if it was in the hijrah village. He would also call his sister frequently to provide motivation.

Satria then headed to her room, leaving Mama who was preparing breakfast at the dining table.Till in her room she immediately put her body on the bed and turned on the TV watching the news channel. There was breaking news there. A horrendous event took place in Bandung. Last night there was an unexpected raid****** on Taman sari street indicus. There are bomb making materials found there. Currently the police anti-terror special forces are combing the city of Bandung looking for some suspects ****** who managed to escape.