HOPEFUL
13.Not Move On yet

Maybe this is what is said has not moved on.It has been three years passed Aya did not find a soul mate as well.Padahan Aya has tried his maximum but every process makes him fail to move on.That's because when Aya met a new person she always felt like there was no one like Ricky.

When getting acquainted I always compare them with Ricky.Actually I don't mean they should be the same as Ricky...

but I just want to be better than him.Don't be under Ricky too, I hope to get more from Ricky.For example from his behavior, the project, the devil, more gentlemanly, more gentlemanly,or more seriously than her.

We cannot apply such a thing only our desire is greater than it actually is.

Always far from expectations.Jut the reality is even worse.

Each has the intention to get acquainted again, I was reluctant because I still got the same acquaintance as my previous acquaintance.It makes me so lazy to look again.

It's been three years of unnoticed solitude and difficulty finding a new one.Either why every memory passed by the same Ricky still often I go through such streets and places that we have visited.Such as still clear and haunting my every memory.

Maybe people say I still have the same taste Ricky.But actually I have no more taste and always want to repay his actions.Then from that if I find a new acquaintance more than him, then I will find more than him,I want to show him through my social media.Because he still likes to monitor my social media through his co-worker's account.So he doesn't think I keep waiting for him and so he doesn't bother me anymore.Because when I was alone he was still like to chat with new numbers even though the number will definitely block me again and again.

I hope it's not like this in the next year.Hopefully there's a change.

Like an endless curse come to think of it or because people swear it.It is still a mystery why the three of us in my family no one can live a new life?

My expedition was always high in order to get back at Ricky but never delivered.

How do I get back at it?

Men easily find a new partner even though he just broke up but already has a backup.While I used to have no backup at all.I mean a new acquaintance reserve that has been targeted will fill the position if suddenly broken up.

Though I've been thinking of busy looking for a job and doing things like sports alone at home just watching Drakor that can make me forget but it only lasted a while.I somehow always think Ricky every time I through the streets that we often go through first or do something related to it somehow often reappear unwanted memories that I always try to deny and control my mind to not remember it anymore but there was a way that made those memories instantly cross my head.

Indeed, if we do not have a new partner who can erase the memory.At least there carve a new story with a new partner can definitely lose the memories of the past.This is because it has not had a new story so the memories still can not be erased from our memory.Even though we force not to remember it again.

I also feel strange as myself is not an easy thing to control the thought.The further I do not remember it but it is even harder to forget.

Turns out the move on process wasn't as easy as I thought.

I used to think it was easy to get acquainted with others would be able to forget it until his memories.But still stuck directly in me.

As long as Ricky does not support me anymore, so he first knew him.Ricky had used 'lover' and maybe there was also 'milk' on his face.So that captivated me at that time.Due I indeed long received love he may from there he was impatient to use the line.

When I started liking Ricky, it was like thinking he kept going,always mention his name every time there was talk whether I was talking to friends or with my mother.Soven we broke up the first time I cried not stop because he cheated.When the turn was like feeling comfortable again even though I did not I love it because Ricky betrayed me.

Though I already hate him but like something makes me melt when he looked at his face.And Ricky never invited me to the shaman's place without permission to ask would not come,If he asks automatically I won't want.Because I don't like things like that he doesn't tell me.Say he wants to take me to his friend's place.Well that's the shaman he always goes to, he's the one who always goes to the,this time I was the one who was invited to suit or not our relationship.Sfour times he also bought flowers or oil what so....

I used to get mad at Ricky because I didn't like him doing that.

Maybe from there I keep thinking maybe there are still remnants of shamanism that makes it difficult for me to get a mate because he is holding me.Maybe he does not want me to get happiness from other men if it is not with him.

Because of his hobby that always plays shaman when dating me.It always makes me uncomfortable.So ever shaman said fitting first time I brought Ricky, without realizing the shaman said "He will not forget you" so said.

So I'm angry with Ricky what the shaman said, but Ricky yes with his tricks that always evade if I'm angry with him for what to play shaman like that.

So I just felt whether Ricky was holding my soul mate back or he was making me dislike other men.

But I don't know if only God knows what's really going on, because of something else, I'm just speculating.

Hopefully things like that can disappear by themselves.I just hope like that.

These three years I always try to get acquainted again from the matchmaking application but has not produced results as well.

Indeed, if it is likened to me as 'Tree that has many roots, when the tree is cut down but the roots are still there and sturdy'.

it was like a memory that still stuck with me.

I just want to make sure someday I can get a new partner so I can erase those memories.

I used to see people breaking up,the woman must have cried sobbing and could not eat for days because of a breakup.Tanya I even experienced it.I had time to think what the hell they cry because of a breakup.It turns out I just realized if that it happens to ourselves and we understand.

Even up to three years why I still have not moved on.Yes because the memories still haunt my mind.Padahat when people say, that's not even need to remember again it's easy to eat it.

People say it easily because they haven't felt it.