HOPEFUL
9.Like a Curse

Why from then until now there was no change from my age of 22 to 29 years still feels strange.

Like having trouble finding a soul mate, not just me,Ari and bang Zul also experienced the same thing.We three brothers hardly married-married at this old enough age.Entah what makes us like this is whether because of the mindset of unchanging thoughts or by curse.

Many times I think if this is a curse for my family.My mother has indeed since divorced my father,he does not want to marry again, even though I always say look for a mama's life partner because in old age mama must have no one to take care.

I said because I always thought if the three of us married and took care of each other's family life who would take care of mom.

He would be lonely because he had to live his own life, I can't imagine if it happened like that.Despite sometimes I hate him.But still I think how mama's life will be alone and aging itself, I think.

Even though my mother has always been no good to treat me but in the depths of my heart, I will never have the heart to do that.

If I get married, Zul Bang married and Ari also married.We will definitely have a hard time taking care of mama and who will take care of mama.

Though our brother's house is close to us only less familiar, but his name brother will not be expected.Mau ask for help who he will be.

And somehow mama who has been getting older he became more sensitive, his nature became childish that makes him always speak unconsciously, he said,

"Who else took care of me in old age if not you (say three of us)"

It was as if he did not want to let go of his children to live each other's lives later after having a family.Either he thought even though we were married later ya have to keep taking care of him whatever the story.

Okay it is a child's obligation.But I hope he can have another partner so that in his old age he is not alone and there are people who take care of him and take care of him if he is sick.

At least there is a place to share complaints, can exchange ideas and also as a place to vent.

There may be trauma in my mother because the divorce period is yes because there is domestic violence.It is difficult to guarantee whether if she remarries if she can get happiness.But still you are not in try to find a better life companion than before we will not know the happiness sought will end after we try.Indeed my mother has decided not to marry again.

The wounds in each person are different.We cannot impose our will while others have their own trauma.

Because I myself had the trauma of seeing my parents divorced let alone I watched with my own eyes my father commit violence against my mother,it makes me this mature difficult to be in a relationship.If there is a man who invites me to marry I feel afraid.

What I always think is whether my husband will be the same as my father who is rude to his wife or will later I will get divorced after marriage because I see myself more independent and I do not like men the incomprehension that will make me unable to bear with married life...?

It always casts a shadow on my mind and keeps me in constant fear of married life.

Haha....

which is not necessarily happening to me later.

I just felt whether my father had a grudge and spoke his own vow like a prayer that made us unable to find our happiness each.I just believe there must be heartache to us, his family.

When I go to the market for shopping, there's a woman she might be able to laugh at,

"Your grandfather is like being prevented by your father from being in a romantic relationship so as not to be smooth in the household".

Though we didn't know each other, he spontaneously said that to me.

I was astonished and silent for a moment, why did he say something like that that scared me.

The woman just left me.

From there it was as if one of the three of us had no partner at all until our age was this old.Or have a partner must have broken up in the middle of the road there is no solid relationship dating to the guarantee.

Like me who has been dating for four years ran aground just like that because the man who cheated.If the love of Ari who made the relationship always run aground because of the behavior of Ari who made women no one persevered.

Bang Zul different again his love story, he is the least open and his imagination is always high level.Why ?

Because he only likes the same girl who is beautiful okay natural yes and most importantly the girl is white.And more unnaturally he likes the same girl who is always surrounded by her boyfriend's friends, her boyfriend,if you are not married or the same girl whose life is high class.Padahal bang Zul aja no work but the height of the specifications of women he wants.Awak aja think where there are girls today who want to be invited keras.Ya no.....? Especially those who don't want to try...!!

Moreover, my brother who two was not thinking of a household.Other children out there if there is already a boyfriend must have a thought for a household.In fact my brother has absolutely no thought until it.Any no....?

This again our neighbor who was on the left side used to be the belief of my mother with my father.Because my family used to walk around so do not feel safe my mother so she believes in this same neighbor of ours who is on the side left was in the same house key they.

Eh taunya goods at home many are lost.I also wonder why in ancient times who keep the house and the key is always believed to be the same neighbor or the same brother."Helpfully

look at our house" must always say that way first.

Because they are afraid of their house turning upside down when the actual thief is the one who became the trust earlier.They just dare to enter the house of people and take goods.So from many things my mother lost so do not believe anymore and never leave the keys again to our neighbors.Either from there our neighbors began to think I could not take the goods again or because they were jealous because they did not have the goods like we had.Perhaps from there there are a lot of bad prayers that are always offered to us.

Which makes us family as cursed.Yes probably many are not happy with us when we have never been arrogant with people, we are also poor what try to be bragged and characterized from us.

So the point is that we are like difficult to get happiness.For example, the three of us are difficult to get a mate, our sustenance is not there, it is difficult to get work, to be lazy and there is no passion for living in a household.

Sometimes it comes to mind whether because in the incantation of people or some kind of curse and whether because of the prayers of people who were not good for us.