Hot Couple: Inspiration From God (I Love You, Ustadz!)
How Suitable?

Ever since my defiance of Abi, I've driven myself and my mindset completely towards modern-day life. I no longer study books, and instead, I cover my daily life with books and all things fiction. And now, as a lover of modern fiction, I went from being a girl who studied religion to being a girl with wild fantasies. Not spared from this moment, in front of Ustadz Ilham, I looked at him -- not even keeping my eyes on him.

Yeah, Ustadz Ilham is dashing and handsome. Looking at the thick bewok in his jaw made my mind fly high into nirvana: how was it when he made out around my neck and the feathers stroked my sensitive skin? And, the shape of his body and the muscles in his arms that promise strength and fortitude, will such a pious man use those muscles to please his halal partner? Will his fingers be active when we make love?

Hmm.... Before getting too deep, I even asked: how does a pious make love? Did they use their lips to kiss lips with lips? And the rest, will those lips explore the rest? Is it possible to* and prompted* the pair of things until red? Then, his tongue, will he tickle and stray? I never really knew how a pious man loves his partner in terms of affection in bed. I never read anything like that, let alone watch it. There will never be a religious story or a religious film that will explain such things. In fact, from the world of vlogs and youtube, youtubers who look alim, couples scowl and veil, they are not able to give a "satisfying" explanation about the truth of intimacy at that level. While the discussion of the style of lovemaking that we encounter in various media actually raises more pros and cons. Some say they can, and some say they can't. Some blatantly forbid when the mouth meets with.

And now, I - - who had already grown up and formed my own way of thinking, who had wild fantasies, who wanted a partner who would be as crazy as I was when we made love, who wanted to be, suddenly betrothed to an ustadz alim - I do not know if he can realize my wild fantasies, or is he even among the clerics who forbid these things?

How could I know? What would be ethical if I asked him directly? But...

Even though I am a dissident and stubborn, but fitrah is still fitrah. I am a woman, in front of me is a young man who, although he said he was not a religious broadcaster from mosque to mosque, still, he was a pious man.

"Zahra?"

"Yes?"

"Why? Is there something still going on in your heart? If there is, just say it. Please?"

I'm shaking. "It's not something that bothers me" I said.

"Then, what makes you quiet? Is there anything you're thinking about that your meatball bowl still has so much in it?"

Ustadz Ilham smiled faintly, then pushed away his already empty meatball bowl.

"I'm sorry, Mum...."

"There are still questions you want to ask?"

"Yeah." I'm nodding. "But I don't know how to convey it."

"Why? What do you want to ask? Too personal, or what? Just ask."

I'm shaking. But, if I don't ask, I will continue to doubt what if we don't understand? I'm rattled.

Indeed, the best wife is he who obeys the orders of the husband. If the husband disagrees and orders to obey his orders, then the wife should obey. And that's what I'm afraid of. I am a dissident and stubborn. If at some point Ustadz Ilham had become my husband, and his understanding did not suit me, I was afraid I would have defied him, as I had opposed Abi and Umi.

Wouldn't it be nice if I already knew how he looked from the beginning about it?

Maybe, maybe not wrong. This is not a trivial thing although it is not an ethical thing to discuss before marriage. But I must know how fit we are to be halal lovers.

Aye, right?

After all, out there, there are many cases of divorce, worse, there are many cases of infidelity just because the couple does not satisfy the inner needs of his partner. Let alone to get to that terrible end, to complain about it I don't want to.

"Just write down your question if you can't get it straight. I'll answer anything you want to know."

Wet bitch. Rather than hang on to doubts, I'd rather just ask.

"All right," I said. "But don't read it while I'm not finished writing it. Okay?"

He's nodding. I took a little book out of my bag and a pen. I wrote my question.

I'm a normal girl, with a normal mindset. I love the fictional world that forms a wild imagination in my mind: about the normal world of romance and I don't know it's halal and haram from a religious point of view. Yet, I dreamed of it: a couple capable of realizing my wild fantasies. Not just fulfilling the obligation of the inner living and we (sorry) have sex. But, more than that. Something more. Something wild. (Sorry) Make love with passion. And, really I want a partner who does not forbid "passion and wildness" that.

What is the view of Mas Ilham on this?

With hesitation, I thrust my book towards him. "Please promise me that this is just between the two of us. Even if we are not a match, please do not make this a disgrace that will spread everywhere."

Ustadz Ilham nodded. "Believe me, Zahra. I'm not a dickhead who would ruin your image as a woman, let alone humiliate Umi and Abi."

"I believe" I said.

And. I was suddenly agitated when Ustadz Ilham read it.

"Sorry, Mom." I lowered my gaze.

Then, a moment later...

"Zahra, can I borrow the pen?"

I thrust, then my heart even thumped louder. What will he write? Oh my....

Done it. Ustadz Ilham wrote the answer. He smiled as he returned the book to me.

I'm an ordinary man. I am not a man who is good at forbidding things, for I myself am not as knowledgeable as the prophets and apostles. But I believe, from my point of view, something that is not unclean to me and unclean to touch, so I believe in its negligence.

Thank you for expressing your heart.

I love you.

Brainstorm.

For God's sake, I'm melting.