I Don't Understand
SCAR
Scar or scar, everyone must have a scar whether it is physical or psychic. Wounds or severe injuries that have healed will leave scars. Which sometimes still feels sore when the scar is scratched again, making anyone reluctant to repeat it a second time.
.
.
.
Raksa sits leaning on the head of the bed.His hands are holding a worn photo, in the photo there are two children hugging each other who are one fat and two braided satulagi.
The bitter memories of ten years ago that he buried firmly in memory are now beginning to be re-digged.
Flashbacks.
Little Mercury always waits for Arsaka in the hospital. Day and night he was always next to Arsaka.
"Auntie... Why..hiks...yet..
awake?" Tanya Raksa sobbing on Arsaka—Meilia Sadewa's mom. Meilia smiled as she stroked the head of Raksa.
"It's not a pity, it's going to wake up" said Meilia clutching a sobbing little Raksa.
"now you go home yes, because both of your parents are waiting outside" Meilia added while pointing out, where both parents Raksa is located.
The strong arm of the woman received from the child who was still at home in his warm embrace
"That's not...Aca want to wait for the wake.hiks.he paci tacikan aunty kalena in tucuk jalum so..hiks.hik not wake up" said Raksa small while pointing to the infusion hose in Arsaka's hand.
Raksa had difficulty calling the letter 's' so he changed the letter 's' with the letter 'c'. Aca is his nickname since childhood taken from the word Aksa—Raksa.
Meilia smiled, sighed for a moment before returning to the words.
"Read He said he would take a vacation to the home of his grandmother and grandfather in the village.later in the residence of his father and mother Maca" he said friendly. The little monster blinked before long then nodded while giving him a new lollipop that he held in both hands.
"This aunt made Caka, put it on the caka later. Caka paci csadih Aca does not exist" he pleaded while giving the lollipop to Meilia.
"Later give aunty"
with a heavy heart little Raksa stepped out to approach his parents who were waiting.
Just in the hospital hallway as she was about to go home with her parents, she saw a little boy she knew. A small woman who is fat and also chatty but notah why Raksa always accompany her. He saw the little girl crying alone.
"Well, pah, aca pelgi cebental yes later aca bowsprit to the car" he told both parents.
"Where's your pretty boy going, baby?" Ask the mother, Evana Arganta – Evana.
"He's a mah man" said his father, Kajuangga Arganta— Juang.
"Aca want to see you before dicana" the little finger pointed to a little woman who sat alone while crying.
Juang and Evana who were worried decided to wait for the child from a distance.
The small steps of Raksa walked over to the little woman who was crying.
Intended to give a lollipop but he forgot the lollipop was over he ate and now left only traces, he saw a smile picture on the former lollipop. his little brain thinks it's possible that the fat kid will smile just like the picture in the former lollipop.
The little girl was seen stopping the crying, as Raksa's little hand was outstretched.
"You?"
"..."
"Then— Wait this for you"
said the little woman while holding out a photo to her.
Without saying goodbye, the little leg ran after receiving a photo of her parents leaving the little girl alone.
Unexpectedly, it turned out that it was his last meeting with the fat and chatty girl he always accompanied when Raksa was waiting for Arsaka in the hospital. Because tomorrow Raksa delivered the father to his grandmother and grandfather.
Little Mercury cried incessantly when he saw his father's car leaving the courtyard of his grandmother and grandfather's house while he was asleep.
"sir.papah.papah.did not leave the aca" so the last cry of the little Raksa before the cry changed, into a solid eye picked up the black shadow that attracted his consciousness.
It all started when the mother who was diagnosed had a psychiatric illness.
Evana really crave a daughter, notah since when she always dress Raksa like a woman. She pinched her hair, bought her a doll, dressed her in bando and other accessories smelling of pastel pink. Evana seemed to change the entire identity of the child who was actually a handsome and handsome boy turned into a beautiful and funny woman.
Initially Juang tried to advise Evana but the wife's stubbornness led Juang to his last decision. Evana is kept away from the Raksa. Despite Juang's difficult decision, he took the child to the village.
The little monster who recognized the roar of his car left him immediately awake, and ran and shouted as hard as he could. Just like the child who was not willing to be abandoned by his father, as well as the father of — Juang— who was not willing to leave his son, he could only cry sobbing alone in the car. while looking at the rural streets left behind through the rearview mirror. In her heart she promises to bring back Mercury after Evana recovers from her mental illness.
his grandmother and grandfather always said that his father would return. Why Raksa did not believe, because in fact the father never returned.
gradually Raksa got used to living with his grandmother and grandfather. Although his grandmother and grandfather bought Raksa clothes of men his age Raksa always refused with the same words.
"Later mama and papah don't recognize me grandma..the kek meleka will pick me up right?" A nod and a tear are both motor responses. Why did it sound bitter because it came from the little mouths of their grandchildren.
Every day Raksa will dress like a woman like her mother always does, tucking her hair, wearing a bando and pastel pink sweeter. Raksa managed to outwit the villagers and his little friend.if the second grandson of the Arganta family is a daughter.
While his grandparents were always sad, even the grandmother could not hide his sadness.tat when he saw Raksa wearing a skirt that his mother had bought when he wanted to enter elementary school in the city, before being sent to the village as it is now.
their granddaughter who should have grown into a handsome and dashing male figure turned into a beautiful, female figure glaring cold eyes with beautiful long hair.
Every time Raksa went home from elementary school he would go gardening in the fields and every week he would go to church with his grandmother and grandfather.
From there the reason why Raksa is different religion with both parents and Dimas. Because his grandmother and grandfather embraced Christianity is different from the child— Juang— who has embraced Islam because the wife—Evana. Raksa, who was still following and did not know about religious issues, followed the religion that was adopted by his grandmother and grandfather when in the village.
Just when Raksa was eleven years old, his father came with his mother to invite him back home.
Evana and Juang even redeemed their mistakes for approximately eight years ago by taking care of Raksa completely, and changing the identity of Raksa into a tall and handsome man like now. It's just that the look of cold eyes that the son emits did not succeed both parents warmed back like his little Raksa used to.
Until now Raksa is not so close to his mother and father, or Dimas.he also still adheres to Christianity as before unlike his parents and brother. That is the reason why Dimas did not understand the way the brother thought, because from childhood Raksa was not with him.
End.
His daydream stopped when he heard a knock on the door of his room.
"Lake in" said.
He himself never thought fate would bring him back to meet the fat and chatty women he met at the hospital—Mayla.
Unintentionally when he was about to leave he dropped a key with a kpop hanger that was accidentally nudged.
...•••...
"Why the pen must fall anyway" he said lazily.
The clock shows at one in the morning, Mayla just finished working on campus assignments and office work. This still includes early for him usually Mayla will complete the task and work around the thirties. While turning off the fan mayla moved while picking up the pen, accidentally when she kept the pen on the table a leaflet fell off her study table.
"Ah this paper" he said as he picked up the leaflet that had just fallen. A leaflet he got from the children of UKM Dentawyanjana or media SMEs who take care of the campus mading UNSENO.
Mayla was curious and wanted to know who published the article about her yesterday, so she decided to go to meet SMEs media. But he did not manage to get the name of the author of the article.he instead got a leaflet from one of the children of UKM Dentawyanjana.
S2 FLAGSHIP SCHOLARSHIP IN THE NETHERLANDS, such is the title of the article in the leaflet.
Once he had noble aspirations, he wanted to become a doctor like his father. Because she wants to help many people around her, call her a naive woman first. Because in fact all the ideals he carved were strong, gradually eroded and destroyed because the vortex of fate that drew him in too deep and strong.
It had been almost three years that he buried his dream. Like dust swept by the wind, there are no more dreams, hopes, and desires. All of that is disappearing, now leaving only the traumatized debris of the remnant of deep fear that the past has given.
"Where do my dreams go now?, I'm even afraid to dream back" he said, for some people it might be normal to consider divorce. But it's different for a kid like him. Mayla was not a child who was able to cover herself with a fake smile, disguise herself with a look of happiness and behave like all that is normal. No, she was not like that. Even Mayla had almost dropped out of school so glassy.
Just imagine the figure of a man who 24/7 accompanied him already had a lover, plus the divorce of his parents. All of this affected his school and life first. Mayla is a spoiled child who relies heavily on her parents, and Rega is a boy who always accompanies her from childhood. Until fate destroys both at the same time.
"Should I try again?" Back the lips were said, expelling the bitter memories that dwelled in the memories. He was just scared, everything he had built was shattered in an instant like before.
"My parents will never refer back, ka Rega is not my 24/7 man like I used to be. I just have myself to survive and move on" he said, remembering the father who decided to get married again made his hopes dashed instantly. And Rega who will never come back the way she once was.
Studying abroad was one of a thousand dreams he had written about. The strong desire in him that had always been his belief first, now gradually rose. Growing flowers of hope that he might be able to pick back.
"HAPPINESS...MAYLA SEMANGAAAT.." she said encouragingly.
"Okay from now on I have to divide my three times between studying, learning toefl, and work" said Mayla endny. while sticking the leaflet on the refrigerator door, Before going to bed.
Mayla decides to try again, what fate prepares for later. Will it be the second time he enters into the bitter vortex of destiny or instead this time he will thank his destiny.
The eyes were closed, trying to erase one by one the recordings of trauma imprinting the past that filled the memory of his brain.
...•••...
The morning when Mayla finished locking the boarding door she was shocked by the arrival of a ninja motorcycle that stopped in front of her boarding house.
O Lord only last night Mayla erased her bitter memories, but it seems that those memories must be written back when the black soot was staring at her with an annoying face.
'Wait for why arsaka got battered' — thought Mayla was just when she saw Arsaka's face full of bruises.
'Could he have fought again with Mr. Arseno like that time?' His mind was back to guessing.
"I know I'm handsome, don't be fascinated" he said suddenly. Words that successfully erased Mayla's hard-earned presumption of thoughts evaporating alongside urban air pollution. It doesn't matter at all.
"Se—sedang are you in front of my kosan?" Ask Mayla. Arsaka smiled at a glance while giving the helmet to Mayla
"Pick you up, let's go up" he asked, but Mayla was still unmoved.
"No prestige. I know you don't have the money to ride the jol or angkot" said Arsaka casually, inversely proportional to Mayla. Obviously Mayla was surprised from where Arsaka knew he had no money?
"I—
"Alright or I crashed" he said, threatening to upset Mayla but did not dare to sound. Mayla who is lazy to argue more afraid, choose to ride following the wishes of the youngest self.
Along the way why Mayla feels Arsaka is facing problems. But Arsaka's indifferent attitude managed to make anyone eliminate pity, empathy and pity.
Mayla sometimes sees herself in Arsaka's male body. Since Mayla was in that position once, she hated everyone to have mercy on her, pity on her or sympathy. Because in the end everyone will leave him alone like his parents who choose their own path.
Arriving at the campus parking lot, no one did not give up attention to him. Almost all UNSENO students looked at him.
"That article—
"I didn't think much of the article" Mayla sidetracked immediately just as she learned where Arsaka's talking was headed. Lying actually Mayla thought a lot about it, the fact that she is still wondering who wrote the damn article about her. Because, because the article was named into the spotlight on the campus environment.
Arsaka who intends to apologize for not helping him at that time did not become so, considering Mayla who immediately interjected as if she did not want to talk there.
"Thank you, I'm ka first" Mayla said, giving the helmet to the owner,
He just wanted to rush off before his hand was again scuffed by Arsaka.
"Wait" said.
Just as he was out of the parking lot, all the students whispered while looking at him alternately with Arsaka. Mayla turned to look at Arsaka brain presumably thinking it might be because of Arsaka's bruised face.
"That's the same lian as the woman from yesterday, right?"
"They know each other"
"They have a rich relationship, see Lian deket really that"
"It's different for the same reason, right?"
Such are some whispers of UNSENO students who managed to get caught by Mayla's ears. Why is he so sensitive to Lian's name.
"Lian? Oh my God, what's that lion doing now?" Mayla murmured while sighing. Attracting Arsaka's attention.
"Lion?" He said when he accidentally heard the muttering of the woman beside him. Mayla turned her head she looked up at Arsaka's black soot.
"Huh? What's?" Ask Mayla.
"So you called a lion, what happened to the lion?" Ask Arsaka, while tidying up Mayla's messy hair seems to be due to his helmet.
"He's the king of the jungle" Mayla answered. Pulling a squeak on the forehead of the youngest self.
"Huh?"
"Mayla/Lian" from different directions the two voices were airborne. Pulling the two unconsciously away from each other and getting closer to the source of the sound.
'Wait lian? Where's she? Wake I have to disappear immediately' —Mayla thought while running not so approaching the caller who looks confused.