Liebe Zu Maiza's
Hard Choice

"Hi Dear,"

Have you ever missed someone you met only once? Have you ever felt like you were a mess because of it?

I have been and I feel it.

If the point of the meeting is different distance can bring longing and longing most able to slow down time.

So I hope that between the words of the pause your memory of me is not erased by time. And between that slow down time your race remains intact.

This taste, will always be intact. Because the love that grows for you is always awake.

For you wingless angel, I always hold love for you.

If the hand of God unites us, I will tell you about the love that is kept in secret. But if God doesn't bring us together, the hidden love won't lose its story.

***

Gusar enveloped this entire chest cavity. Trying to rest. The body is attached to the mattress, the head is tight on the pillow, the music flows slowly and syahdu, the air conditioning gives freshness but drowsiness disappears somewhere.

The brain in the cranial cavity in this head continues to work hard. Looking for a way out of a small problem that is whack. A little indeed, just a little but a wrong step can be fatal.

I have to decide whether to stay or go. Both are difficult, all have consequences.

I will persevere to achieve the delayed dream that Mama's long-time wish has also been. Mama never miss being a loyal audience of the live broadcast of the Seven Dozens Ceremony at the State Palace, 'Za, one day you will also stand there' while pointing at the ranks of Gita Bahana Nusantara.

If you choose to go, it's the same as burying that dream and things might be better. This heart and hope Mama could end up disappointed over hope not until that but on one side of the heart and self will be free from anyone's pressure. I just need to sprinkle Mama's happiness in another way, not by being part of the Gita Bahana Nusantara.

I never expected to be in this position, where I was heading towards that dream and the people around me became sharp pebbles. I started to get scratched, my legs were bleeding and in pain but I had to hold on.

This road is long. The dream is at the end of the road. If I can be deaf to the curse, sooner or later it will arrive. If I can be blind to feelings, then I don't have to take anyone into account to achieve that dream.

But unfortunately I'm not in either type. I cannot pretend to be deaf to the whispers of the heart nor can I pretend to be blind to my own feelings. I still care about them, the people who are in this circle of life.

If I were to resign from a vocal organization, things would be easier in my control. I'll be a student like always, go early in the morning and come home in the afternoon, finish my work at home, and so on until I'm done and leave this town. Daniza would be easy to get me to bury again, and the crib would drift if I knew I was resigning, as I had told her. The most that will be disturbed is Afni because I look at her.

My dream of becoming a representative of Gita Bahana Nusantata will be a plural dream. It will never happen again. My hope of becoming a finalist of FLSN is only hope enough to be heard to the wall and the wind that passes.

If I choose to join a vocal organization, then those who care about me will increase their attention. Of course it's still in a different way. Because the more angry with me, every day he will be haunted by the fear of his own friend.Fear of his own threats that do not want to be discovered me and he looks like even a cousin. His attention will be increased to me, his caci and makiannya will be breakfast and bedtime.

Azmi and Rima will also increasingly fire a beard. Every vocal activity they would see me, the spotty girl causing their eyes to hurt. They're going to hit me secretly because the control of the organization is in the hands of the chairman and the manager, Ms. Mirah. They will have the upper hand because juniors like me will be the target of seniors like them.

Had I not been to this city, it might have been, Afni would have remained a generous cousin. If I had just stayed in the village and continued school in the village, there might not be such a complicated problem. No friends, baberan, misguided like Daniza.

There are no senior acting queens, pretentious in all fields and places like Azmi and Rima. There is also no five-minute show under the rain.

But if I go to school in the village, then I will forever be a village. Mall becomes an amazing item when it is nothing for the city people. Buses become a special vehicle even though it is only a barrier to private vehicles of city people. Life is hard to understand.

Arggn ... My head would burst open constantly in the face of the word if, then, if there were no end. This situation has made me a difficult choice.

***

The sound of a car stopping in front of the house, I got up and peeked behind the curtains. The sunlight is still there so there is no need to be afraid to be found again.

He gets out of the car with Azmi and Rima. Azmi and Rima came here, which means I can't show my face, I can't get out of the room. I hope they don't spend Sunday night in this house.

They were ushered in by the boy who drove Afni that night, a shameless jerk. It looks like he is a classy man, his clothes can not lie to him, but already looks old like om om who often appear on tivi. They can hang out with om om.

This must be something.

The sound of footsteps began to be heard towards Afni's room.

"So you were invited to karaokean with Om Indra?" Chirps Afni.

"Yes, I want it in a cafe, coffee."

"But you were invited to shop, right?" Search Rima.

"That's the deal. Om Indra remembered me, buy me whatever I want and one more, my mission to become a famous singer soon will be realized."

They chuckled and heard the sound of the door closing.