Possibly Back?
Chapter 41 Goddess

Alan drives his car to the cemetery to visit the grave of the late Goddess, his dead wife. Before arriving, Alan stopped at a flower shop to buy a bouquet of the Goddess's favorite white roses.

Arriving at a tomb with a tombstone that reads “Dewi Permata Hati bint Raditya Herlambang," Alan sat down and placed a bouquet of white roses that he had bought. The tombstone was wiped, before his mind drifted far away from the present to the past.

Eight years earlier

“What?! You pregnant?” alan asked in shock.

“Yes, Brother, I'm pregnant. I just checked it with a test pack" replied the Goddess with a downcast face.

“But how can you get pregnant Goddess? Doesn't the medicine you take have side effects that make it difficult to get pregnant? Can't you not take that medicine?” ask Alan full of questions.

“Yes, Sister, all this time I have never drank it,” sahut Dewi lirih with a face that still down did not dare to look at her husband.

Alan rubbed his face rough when he heard the honest confession from his wife's mouth.

“Yes, Goddess! Why would you do that? You realize no, it's putting your life at risk!” sahut Alan with a high tone and full of emotion.

“I am aware Brother. I am fully aware of my actions,” said the Goddess, this time with a raised face staring fixedly at her beloved husband.

“What?! That means you killed yourself, Dewi!” sahut Alan with an increasingly thunderous voice while pointing at the face of the Goddess and looking at her with a look of wrath.

“Yes, Brother, I know, but I have no other choice. I want to have offspring as well as other women,” said Dewi with eyes that have begun to glaze over.

“We've been married 8 years, Sister. But, for those 8 years I couldn't give you anything. Besides, it only becomes a burden for you with the illness that I have been suffering from all this time. I want to have offspring from you, Brother, is that wrong?” dewi asked in a sobbing voice, touching Alan's innermost conscience, making him forget the anger on his wife.

Alan took a long breath. He began to think about his wife's words, although all this time he had never felt burdened with his wife's illness. However, however, his wife's wish was not a mistake, the only wrong thing was his impossible circumstances.

“Goddess, forgive me. I understand this desire of yours. I also want to have offspring like men in general. But you should be more patient, at least wait until you are completely healed,” said Alan while wiping the tears that had dripped on his wife's cheeks.

“But until when, brother? How long can I be free from this disease?” sahut Dewi with a tone full of despair. Her tears were unceasingly dripping down her cheeks. Alan then pulled the body of the Goddess and buried the head of the Goddess right on his chest.

“Darling, God never gives tests to his servants beyond his means. I am sure one day you can be free from this disease,” said Alan while gently rubbing his wife's black hair.

“Kak, now everything has happened. Maybe this pregnancy has also become part of God's destiny. So, please Brother, give me support for my decision,” pinta Dewi.

“Dew, I'm honestly very disappointed in you. You made your decision without speaking to me first and as a husband I will definitely support you as long as it does not harm you. But, you know this pregnancy will make you unable to undergo chemotherapy as usual because it will harm the fetus in your womb,” said Alan.

“I know that, Brother. That's why I asked Alan during my pregnancy, please don't ask me to undergo chemotherapy. At least until our baby is born,” said Dewi pleaded.

“As I said earlier, I cannot support a decision that could endanger your life,” Alan said with great emphasis.

Shortly after Alan uttered a sentence that felt so painful to his wife. Silence also hit the couple. Alan unceasingly rubbed the Goddess' head, trying to give his wife some calm while thinking about the best decision for her to make. On the one hand, Alan wants to support his wife's decision. He also wants to have children who can be embraced and carried, but on the other hand he does not want to be selfish because the presence of a child in the condition of the Goddess who will now be very dangerous for him.

Alan recalled his late-in-law's story about his mother Goddess a month before his father-in-law was summoned to face the power. Her mother Dewi died shortly after giving birth to the Goddess. That's because her condition during pregnancy Goddess decreased drastically. In addition, during childbirth, her mother Dewi also lost a lot of blood and it is very dangerous for patients who have a history of leukemia like her mother. Alan didn't want the same thing to happen to the Goddess. He intends to talk everything to the doctor who has been handling the Goddess. Hopefully he gets a bright spot for this.

The goddess also raised the head that had been buried in the chest of her husband's field. She looked into her husband's eyes, before he finally spoke.

“So, can I ask you something?” ask Goddess.

Alan smiled at the question he thought was ridiculous from the mouth of the Goddess.

“Of course, who would dare forbid you to ask your husband, Mrs Alan Bagaskara,”.

“But please answer Dewi's question honestly from Kak Alan's deepest heart,” pinta Dewi.

“Sister Alan, tell me, has Brother loved me all this time?” ask Goddess.

Alan again put on a smile on his lips.

“Why can you ask like that?" ask Alan.

“Kak Alan, please answer! I just want to know if Brother loves me? Because all this time we both know that we are married because of arranged marriage, because Brother feels sorry for the disease I suffered, not because we love each other,” said Dewi lirih.

“Is it important now? Haven't you now become my wife and I have become your husband,” Alan said.

“ So, all this time Brother has never loved me,” said the Goddess with eyes that began to glaze over and tears that slowly dripped on his white cheeks.

Alan rubbed gently the tears that fell on his wife's cheek.

“When did I say I didn't love you? It's true, we were married originally because of an arranged marriage and because I felt sorry to see how you were at that time. However, it goes with the passage of time and is truly your love for me. I also started to feel the same way to you,” replied Alan staring at the Goddess warmly.

“ Really is it?” tanya Dewi still did not believe the words of her husband.

“Did you see the lies in my eyes?” alan asked back while looking closely at the beautiful eyes of his wife.

“But you never said it, Brother. You never said that you love me,” said the Goddess.

“What should it be?” Alan Goda.

“Iya,” replied Dewi.

“Alright, listen to me, because maybe you will only hear this once,” Alan said as he continued to stare fixedly at the beautiful face of his wife.

“Goddess, I love you dear,” said Alan gently and slowly.

Hearing that the heart of the Goddess felt immeasurably happy. The sentence he had wanted to hear from the mouth of his beloved husband had been spoken, even though it was only spoken once.

“I love you too Brother Alan, even I love you so much with all my soul and body,” said the Goddess who got a warm embrace from Alan.

“Kak Alan, then how do you feel about Rena? Do you still have feelings for him?” ask the Goddess who still keeps her curiosity.

“This you, why even suddenly talk about someone else? I really don't know the mood. Listen yeah.. Rena is only part of my past, forget about him,” said Alan took his eyes off the gaze of the Goddess because actually he himself did not know if there was still a sense in his heart for Rena.

The goddess fell asleep in Alan's arms. Alan who watched his wife's innocent sleep, commented on the sweet smile on his lips. He kissed his wife's little forehead and lips. Then he slept with his wife in the warm embrace and the gentle caress of the night wind.

The next day, Alan still saw the Goddess falling asleep beside him. He gently caressed his wife's face. However, something strange began to be felt. He felt his wife's face so cold and stiff. Although, his heart hesitated and did not want to believe the bad thoughts that were raging in his mind. He took his wife's wrist. Check the pulse of the wife. How shocked Alan was to know he could no longer hear the pulse of his wife. He immediately took Dewi to the hospital.

***

Alan regained his tears as those memories came back to him. Every time to this tomb, he always remembered those times. Moments before he lost his wife and future unborn baby about eight years ago.

“Goddess, I still can't believe what happened that day. You left me with our future baby. The candidate you so want to see in the world. However, fate says another, you and he have been picked up first by the Power,” said Alan lirih. His eyes stared intently at the sky which was already starting to look dark. It was as if it was ready to welcome the arrival of rain that day.

***

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