This Love Killed Me (Dark Love)
I Want to Cry Before Him

The strapping body that was rolling on the waiting chair, curled up and tightened the folds of his hands. The cold temperature that pierced the bones, disturbed his dream that was very beautiful. Seconds after seconds continued to pass, the pair of eyes belonging to the body blinked slowly. Apparently, the cold really disturbed his sleep.

"Freya, Freya!" call Jordan between sober and no.

"Freya, Fre, where are you?" Jordan rubbed his sleepy eyes. Then he got up, when he realized Freya was not there beside him.

"Freya! Fre! Freya!" call Jordan repeatedly.

Jordan turned his head to and fro, looking for the figure of the woman he was still holding a moment ago. But nihil, what was caught by the net was only a few nurses who occasionally flashed.

"Where is Freya," Jordan muttered softly as she moved from her seat.

"Suster!" call Jordan to one of the nurses who just got out of IGD.

"Yes, sir," replied the Sister graciously.

"Mmm I'd like to ask, Sus. My friend who was sitting here ... Where, huh?" asked Jordan hesitantly. Inwardly, he was not sure if the sisters knew where Freya was at the moment.

"What do you mean Miss Oliv?" The nurse asked.

"Yes." Yeah."

"I was passing by there, sir, in the hallway leading to the surau." The nurse replied while pointing to the side.

"Sir?"

"Yes. Try to check first, who knows Mrs Oliv is there," replied Sister.

"Well Sus, thank you, yeah." Jordan took a deep breath while trying to smile. In his heart he was very confused, for what Freya came to surau in the middle of the night. Is that how far he knows God?

Jordan started swinging his legs, and headed for the passageway that took him to the surau. On the way, he glanced at the circular clockwork in hand, at 01:00 in the morning. Jordan further accelerated his pace, no matter how cold the night wind hit him.

Soon, the manau that stood firm began to appear before his eyes. Although the size is not too big, but the surau looks magnificent.

Jordan drew closer without taking a look. His blue eyes continue to look for Freya's whereabouts, but until he stops right in front of a manau, Freya's figure is still not caught in the cornea.

"Where is Freya" Jordan murmured softly.

Jordan hesitated, when he was about to set his foot on the terrace of the surau. Should he come to the holy place? One question that haunts Jordan's mind, to make his feet peck in the clouds. He was in a dilemma, between pulling back his legs, or putting them there.

When Jordan was still stuck in doubt, suddenly his eyes looked at the figure of the woman who had just woken up from her prostration. Jordan's heart trembled for a moment, until he unknowingly set his foot, and even walked near the window.

From behind the glass, Jordan saw a woman in a long white cloth facing his Lord.

Is that really Freya?

Is he praying tahajjud?

Did he really repent?

Should he do the same?

Is there a door of forgiveness for him?

So many questions swirled in Jordan's mind.

"For almost 30 years, I have never mentioned the name of God. Ah, let alone mention, just remember I never. So many sins have washed over me, so is there any hope to improve. The path I walked had veered away from the path it should be, was there still a chance to return," Jordan's inner self with increasingly erratic feelings.

Jordan gripped the window frame tightly, slowly but surely, a shadow of the past flashed in his memory. He once had a peaceful life in the orphanage, but it all ended because of the savagery of human ambition.

"Actually I don't want to live like this, Mother. Forgive me for ignoring your advice" Jordan murmured softly.

Jordan looked down, staring at the footbeds resting on the marble floor. The advice and advice of the mother of the home is clearly in her ears, then the sense of regret slowly seeped in her mind.

"Whatever happens, pray to Allah, for only He is the All-knowing, what is best for us. Also do not forget to always pray for parents, even though you have never met them, but believe in Mother, they love you very much."

One of the advice of the mother of the parlour that this second continues to revolve in Jordan's memory. Praying to God, praying for parents, two things that he has never done. No matter where his parents were, Jordan had absolutely no intention of looking.

Disappointed, that was one thing he felt. According to the mother's description, her parents will come to pick her up. But until that night, no one came to him. That means, his presence was not expected.

"Jordan, what are you doing?"

Freya's voice breaks Jordan's daydream. His mind, which had ventured into the past, was pulled back into the present. Jordan still remained down, too embarrassed if Freya found out her eyes were glazed over.

"Jordan!" Freya called back while holding Jordan's arm.

Jordan sighed deeply, warmly Freya's touch creeping across the recesses of the heart. Then Jordan raised his face, and rubbed the wet corner of his eyes.

"You ... why?" asked Freya hesitatingly.

"Nothing" Jordan replied.

"Then why are you here?" Freya asked again.

"I'm looking for you" said Jordan still in a soft voice.

"So you slept, so I went straight away. I know you're tired, so I didn't wake you up" Freya said.

"Yes, it's okay."

"Then come on, I'm done," Freya asked.

Jordan held Freya's hand that was about to leave the surau. But he kept shaking, not a word came out of his mouth. Jordan tried to express his desire through a blind look.

"Jordan, what's wrong?" asked Freya in surprise. He looked at Jordan's grip on his arm, very closely, maybe Jordan did not want him to leave.

"Jordan!" call Freya for the umpteenth time.

"Don't leave me" whispered Jordan.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm taking you, Jordan" Freya said.

"No." Jordan shook his head.

"Hey, what's wrong with you? What's the matter, Jordan?" Freya patted Jordan on the cheek, while looking at her own face filled with grief.

"I ... I. ahh____" Jordan ruffled her own hair.

"Tell me, why are you!" freya said firmly.

"Teach me to pray, I've forgotten the way," Jordan said after a long silence.

"Are you serious?" Freya put on a smile on her soft lips.

"Yes." Yeah." Jordan nodded. "I don't know if my prayers and repentance will be accepted or not, but right now I really want to cry in front of Him" she said.

Seriate...