A Handful of Love for You
68. Confident

Alena POV's

Huh...what does he mean by those questions?

I asked if I was sure of this marriage? Do I love him?

What kind of question is that?

After disconnecting the phone, I immediately blocked her number and threw the phone on the table.

Aaargh, you son of a bitch.

I inhaled a lot of oxygen and exhaled carbon dioxide from the chest cavity slowly. After a bit of calm, I gathered the books I was about to bring to class. Teaching time. I won't let him ruin my teaching mood.

A very exhausting morning. After teaching two classes, it seems like my energy is completely exhausted even though there is still one more class later in the afternoon.

He really pisses me off. I tried not to think about it but I couldn't. The question keeps ringing in my ears. How he questioned my feelings.

I slammed the book I was holding onto the table.

“Why is Ms Alena? Upset by students or any other problems?” ask one of my colleagues.

“Yes that's how Mr. Haris is. Sometimes there are students whose hobbies upset the lecturer,” I replied honestly. Of course I'm honest, that Atep was once my student and he pissed me off like this.

“Oh yes, someone was looking for Bu Alena.”

“Who?”

“Scholarship Bu Alena.”

“Who, Sir? Why not contact me?”

“He said his phone number was blocked with Ms. Alena. He left this with me.” Mr. Haris handed me a piece of paper.

I'm waiting in the cafeteria!

I thought he was the one who came looking for me. It is impolite to give a message on a piece of paper without writing a name. I'd consider this piece of paper a prankster's job.

“Mari Bu Alena, I go to class first.”

“Please, Sir.” I smiled at Mr. Haris even though my heart was not playing.

I packed a message from him and threw it in the trash. I decided not to follow his orders. Who her? Like playing orders.

I picked up a reference book and began to read it. 10 minutes of reading, not a single sentence that I understood even though it had been read repeatedly. I tried to focus my mind on the book. 10 minutes later, I gave up. I closed it and put the book back on the bookshelf.

I picked up my phone and started surfing in cyberspace. I looked at the status of my friends on social media. Very rarely do I see the status of Teh Iyah who often post Aras and Aris activities, but now I am forced to do it to just kill time.

While being engrossed in seeing photos of Aras and Aris activity in the status of Teh Iyah, suddenly there was a notification coming in. Message from an unknown number.

Don't be childish with blocking numbers and avoiding me. I'm still waiting in the cafeteria. If you don't come, I'll come to your room and don't blame me for making a fuss there.

Cih..basas sucks. I walked to the cafeteria with my wallet and cell phone in my left hand.

“You to the cafeteria, Len?” ask Miss Syafrina.

“Iya Bu.”

“By nitip something?”

“By a bang, Bu.” This could be a reason for me not to linger with him.

“Please buyin guava juice.”

“Ready, Bu.” I received a twenty thousand note from Miss Syafrina.

“Still Len.”

“No problem, Bu.” In my heart I am grateful.

He's right there. Sit back in contact with the students.

Cih, you playboy shitty. Before going to him, I first ordered guava juice for Ms. Syafrina.

After paying, I walked to where she sat with the five students and chatted and chatted with them. I saw him say something and was responded to by the laughter of the five students compactly.

With sure steps, I walked towards his desk and stood before him. It seems like he has not noticed my presence yet because he is still engrossed in telling the five women surrounding him.

Upset that he was still unaware of my presence, I placed my wallet on the table with a loud bang, producing a voice that shocked him and the five women.

“You said what?”

He looked at me sharply and then I felt my hand being pulled.

“Where are you? Take my hand!”

I tried to release his hand.

“If you don't let go, I scream.”

“Please.”

“Do not suck like this.”

“Who sucks? Me? Or you?”

“Least. Why the hell do you like to force it like this?” I wanted to scream at her, but I didn't want to be the center of attention of the people in the cafeteria. Now I'm afraid I'm the center of their attention.

“Atep!” call me furious.

“Basic stubborn men.” I wear it in my heart.

We keep going. Looks like heading to the park next to the parking lot. At lunchtime like this, there are not too many people in the park. The number of trees in the park plus the breeze makes the hot afternoon weather cool, but not with my heart that feels hot.

Finally he let go of my hand and sat down on the stone chair.

“Sit!”

I obediently sat beside him.

“Why pout like that?”

I was lazy to answer.

“Why are you blocking my phone number?”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and turned my back to her.

“Len... Alena!”

“Alena Damayanti Nataprawira! If you sulk like this, don't blame me if I kiss you here right now.” His threat has also made me tremble.

“Do not mess!” I pinched his arm so hard that it left a reddish-colored mark.

“Aww, Len.” pain

As if not satisfied with a hard pinch, I vented my frustration by banging his upper arm and shoulder.

“Aww...aww..aww. Not married yet, you have done KDRT.”

I kept hitting him as hard as I could. I treat her body like a samsak.

“Quite Len!” he said in a high tone then caught my wrist.

Hiks…

“Eh, Len..don't cry. Why are you crying?”

“You suck.”

“Why did you say I was a bitch? What's my fault?”

I covered my face with both hands in shame with tears that seemed to pour down my cheeks.

Then I felt her hand gently stroke my shoulder.

“If you don't say things that upset you, I won't understand.”

I tried to stop my crying but it didn't seem to work. I don't understand why I can do this either. All this time I have never cried just because of trivial things let alone cry because of a man except to cry when I saw my brother's suffering first.

“If I could hug you, I would have hugged you by now.”

“You're angry because of my question on the phone?”

I'm nodding.

“Sorry if my question upset you. To be honest I asked like that didn't mean to upset you. I asked like that because I felt insecure. I didn't think that you loved me either.”

“I don't love you!” I almost screamed.

“Iya, yes.you do not love. I changed my statement. I didn't expect you to accept my proposal. How?”

I'm nodding my head. I was embarrassed by this kind of childish attitude but it seemed like I couldn't stop it.

She smiled, so sweet.

I'm sure I love him but I'm still ashamed to admit it. Let me be selfish like this.

“Not angry yet? Already venting annoyance?”

I'm nodding.

“See this! My arms are red like this. My shoulder also feels sore after getting a blow from a professional boxer like you.”

“Sorry,” I said.

“I borrow your phone.”

“Make what?”

“Mana?”

I handed her my phone.

“What password?”

I put my thumb in the fingerprint scanner to open it.

“If angry don't like to block numbers. You have blocked your phone number twice because you are angry with me.”

“That's because you like to piss me off.”

“If you are upset, just vent it like before. Pinch and hit me until you are satisfied but I hope not to get angry too often. It hurts also to have a pinch and punch you.”

“Iyaaa, sorry..”.

“Not misunderstood my question anymore?”

I'm nodding.

“I reiterate that I really want to marry you and when you accept my proposal, it feels like a dream. I don't doubt your decision to accept the proposal but there are still concerns that you don't really love me. That's why I asked.”

“That means you are still in doubt with my decision.”

“I'm wrong.”

“Good if you realize it,” I said a little tart. “You should know. Listen carefully!”

“Siap Bu Lecturer. I will listen carefully.”

“I never give a decision if not sure about it. So my decision to accept your application was not a decision that was not thought of first.”

“So you love me, right?”

I stood up to avoid the question.

“I have to go back to the cafeteria to take an order Bu Syafrina.”

“Jawab first.”

“Kan I replied.”

“When?”

“I told you that I'm not sure I won't accept you.”

“So?”

“Think of it yourself.”

“You love me,” he said with a smile.

I walked quickly leaving it in the park to the cafeteria.

***********

to be continued...