Because I Don't Want to Lose
21 - Meeting

Izzar was surprised by himself, why he did not want Anaya to know he met Sasika. Is it because he is afraid of the ledkan Anaya, or is it because of the desire to keep feelings. But whose feelings really want to be taken care of. The anaya? The sasika? Or himself?

Sasika seemed to take the moment of Izzar's birthday to try to approach him again. Izzar suspects that Sasika got the information about her from Ms. Erlina. Ever since Izzar met Ms. Erlina, some of Izzar's friends, including Randi, told him that Sasika had contacted them to get the latest news about Izzar.

And, I don't know from whom she got the address of Izzar's new home. It can't be from Randi. His friend said he even forbade Sasika from contacting Izzar again, because his former fiancee was married to his cousin.

But, in fact, Sasika still presents himself again through the delivery of birthday cake, which was followed

with his messages and phone. Izzar, who was dizzy, met Randi in his office and told him about his turmoil.

“Do not do anything weird, Zar!” Randi threatened Izzar.

“What do I want, anyway?” Izzar was even surprised because so he was accused of Randi would do unwanted things.

“Yes I believe you have nothing to do. But I'm sure Sasika won't keep quiet. I heard he's off

married to her boyfriend, and maybe she's also heard your efforts are starting to rise again from her tant. Hence, he is trying to find a way to get back near you.”

“For what else, did you tell me I was married to Anaya?”

Randi laughing.  Although he was two years younger than Izzar, but he was more experienced about women.

“For some women, the status of a man sometimes does not matter, Zar. He can use any means to get the man he wants, even if he has to hurt and get rid of his rivals. But, men are also either so, do not care about the woman he is after already have a husband.”

Izzar remembered Tristan, and how scared Anaya was to meet him.

“Zar, I want to ask?” Randi turned serious.

“Ya?”

“You still love Sasika?”

Randi's question surprised Izzar. However, he is immediately wary of not tripping over Randi's trap.

“Ngga!” Izzar chose the answer he should have chosen. And after all, he had long lost his sense of Sasika.

“I observe, this Sasika seems reckless. I'm sure, it wasn't by accident that he sent birthday cakes to

your home, when he knows you're married. You have to be careful, Zar! Don't let you give him a chance to ruin your family. I think he's actually just like his aunt. Rather slippery and sneaky that way,” said Randi.

Izzar silently permeated Randi's words.

“Anaya herself, how does her attitude when receiving a cake shipment from Sasika that?”

“Hmm... she just sneledekin and just quipped, anyway.”

“Ngga angry?”

Izzar shrugged his shoulders. Since Anaya made peace with Izzar, Izzar hardly ever found Anaya angry. In the case of Sasika's shipment, it is impossible for Anaya to be angry either. As per the contract agreement, they have no right to interfere with each other's personal lives. Although, they have entrusted each other with their deepest stories to each other.

Randi doesn't know about the contract. Dan, you can't know.

“You already know, the highest level of any form of anger Anaya?”

“Hmm. We have been fine all this time.”

Randi leaned over to Izzar who was sitting across from his desk.

“The anime, if it is very angry, will not scream or cry. He just shut up, then left. If

he's done that, don't expect you to get his forgiveness. For example, Ridwan.”

Izzar nodded in understanding.

During a conversation with Randi, Izzar accidentally mute his phone. As soon as he opened it while walking to his car in the parking lot, he found the notification of dozens of messages and missed calls. Most from Sasika. While he was observing the screen of his phone, Maharani called. He told Sasika to wait for him at the office.

Randi was right, his former fiancee was reckless.

“He asked where you were, when you returned to the office. It has been said that today you do not go to the office, because of the schedule to the field. But he asked me where my father was again. I think I'll follow.” Maharani kept her voice down.

“Say, you don't know where I am.”

“Already, Sir! But I was scolded. Said the secretary was stupid, time didn't know where his boss was.” Empress

sounds pissed.

“She also nagged about Bu Anaya. It's about his work, his background. I told you I don't know because I don't know, so I don't get asked! I'm getting yelled at again. Please, sir! You come here or just call Sasika ma'am!”

“OK! I'll call him. You are ready to go home!”

Izzar took pity on the Maharani. The smart girl was completely dead-style facing Sasika. Izzar was also astonished by Sasika's hard-hearted attitude.

In the car, Izzar called Sasika, who was immediately answered on the first ring with a sulking tone of voice asking for the whereabouts of Izzar.

Izzar tells him he will not return to the office, but Sasika still forces to meet.

“I can't. I have to go home.” Izzar.

“Then we meet at your house. I've never been to your house now.”

“There's my wife and son at home.” Izzar tried to get around Sasika's guts.

”Ngga. Let me know them!”

Izzar was shocked by Sasika's response. Sasika's recklessness must be stopped immediately. Maybe he thought Izzar would obey whatever he wanted as he used to.

“Why do you really want to see me, anyway?”

“There's something I should talk about.”

So that Sasika did not try to continue to disturb him, finally Izzar gave Sasika a chance to meet him, with a deal only briefly. Because it was late in the afternoon, Izzar told Sasika to meet him at a coffee shop not far from his home. He promised Naira he'd be home soon.

Twenty minutes waiting, Sasika came too. She was wearing a light yellow dress below the knee, with white sneakers and a sling bag she was carrying on her shoulder. Her curly hair draped framing her round face.

Sasika's lips flashed a big smile as soon as she saw Izzar. He almost kissed Izzar's cheek as was his custom if he had just met, but Izzar subtly avoided. Izzar did not care about the disappointed look in Sasika's eyes. His pain towards the woman created distance. In addition, he feels himself to be a committed man who does not deserve physical contact with other women.

“What do you want to talk about?” izzar asked directly after Sasika sat down before him.

“Ih! Why are there no bases? We haven't asked any questions!”

“You've found out everywhere about me.” Izzar quipped Sasika.

“Former you disappeared!” Sasika.

“And you who left me first, keep killing me.” Izzar doesn't want to lose.

Sassika then fell silent. A servant came. I ordered an ice cafe latte.

“So, what do you want to say?” Izzar softened his tone.

Sasha looked at Izzar. He took a deep breath, before saying, “Many!”

Izzar sipped his tea waiting for Sasika to continue his words.

“The first one, I want to apologize, has left you at a time when you might actually need me.” Sasha bit her lip.

No response was given by Izzar.

“Yang second, I miss very much you.. I regret to first follow the advice of Aunt Erlina. Because of her I became your mutusin.” Sasika tears welled up.

However, Izzar was not affected. His heart to Sasika had already hardened.

“I heard, you recently canceled marrying your boyfriend. Asked to see you too?” ask Izzar. He was not satisfied to corner Sasika.

“Not.”

“Why?” Izzar wanted to know.

“I don't love him." Sasika shrunk her tears with tissue. "Because..., I still remember you continue.”

Sasika smiled and with a twinkle of an eye that implied his words. I wish Izzar had the same taste.

Seeing him, Izzar smiled as well. It was not because of being flattered by Sasika's expression of feelings, or being fascinated with her smile and eyes. But, because he even remembered Anaya. Anaya's eyes are larger than Sasika's, but more shady and soothing to dive into.

Izzar did not realize, the owner of the shady eyes he was thinking about, was observing himself outside the coffee

shop.

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