Because I Don't Want to Lose
53 - Scattered

Anaya was bedridden and had just closed her eyes when Sandra came with Naira and Mba Kemi. He had picked them up from Mr. Arsyad's house.

Naira's cherry-picked voice instantly disturbed her calmness. The little boy questioned why he did not return to Izzar's house, and questioned the man's whereabouts.

"Whose place is this, anyway? This is not my home!" groused Naira.

"While this apartment is your home." Sandra explained briefly.

"Which mom?"

"Mama's in the room, again sick."

"Where's my dad?"

Sandra was confused as to what to answer. He immediately tried to change Naira's attention.

"Eh, what do you want to eat, baby? Aunt order ya!"

"I don't want to eat!" Naira pursed her lips and crossed her hands on her chest.

"If you don't want to eat, what do you want?" ask Sandra patiently.

"I want my dad!"

Sandra could not answer. He raised his hand. Surrender.

Naira rushed to Anaya's room. Her tiny lips tapered the sign she was sulking. However, seeing his mother lying pale and not responding, the little boy finally fell silent as well.

"Mama why?" her little hand touched Anaya's forehead.

"Dizziness."

"Why do you get dizzy?"

Anaya looked at her son's face. He was worried whether it was better to tell the cause of his pain or not. Naira must be happy because she's going to have a sister. But Anaya wasn't ready to tell him.

"It's a shame."

"I'm a pijitin!" Naira massage Anaya's feet with her tiny fingers.

Anaya is overwhelmed by the attention of her daughter.

"Don't Ma, my massage?"

"Enak," Anaya smiled.

"That means you can get well quickly!"

"Mom doubt that."

"Why?" Naira was not satisfied.

"So it's the headache, but the one you peed your leg on."

"Oh! It was wrong of me!" Naira shifted her body towards Anaya's head. Her tiny hand reached into Anaya's forehead.

"So, I used to see my dad mama's legs when mama's tired." Naira reasoned.

Anaya. The boy certainly noticed when Izzar several times pampered him as he complained of fatigue after working with massaging his feet.

"Why don't you ask me to help you mama's medicine? Where's dad?"

"There's nothing."

"Where is it?" chase Naira.

Anaya breathed. "Mama doesn't know."

"Why don't you know?"

Anaya quiet.

"Why don't we just stay at Izzar's dad's?" Naira asked.

"That's not our home. We'll go back to our own house when mama tidies."

Naira stopped rubbing Anaya's forehead. He turned Anaya's face away until the two looked at her.

"Dadn't live with us anymore?"

Anaya.

"Same daddy again marahan, huh?"

"Hm... A little..." Anaya bit her lips.

Naira sighs. Face grim.

"Does that mean I don't have a father anymore?"

Anaya. Naira's eyes sucked her soul. He forgot, his son was already at the age of seven years and a month again will enter Primary School. He is beginning to understand the situation and conditions around him. Then how should he answer?

Anaya's outstretched hand grabbed Naira's tiny body into her arms. He kissed Naira's forehead and covered her black hair.

"How about a vacation with opa? Pleasant?" Anaya attempts to shift the conversation with her son.

Although it was difficult at first, Naira was lucky to finally get sidetracked. From his lips slid a lot of words recounting the holiday experience with his grandfather. Anaya is glad Naira didn't ask about Izzar anymore.

After dinner, Sandra said goodbye. Unlike yesterday-yesterday, this time he refused Anaya's request to return to stay overnight. Anaya did not force. His body condition had started to improve even though he was still a little dizzy.

"Why? You have a date?" ask Anaya before biting off a piece of dimsum.

"Ngga, just want to have a cup of coffee together." Sandra wrapped her sling bag around her shoulder.

"Who the hell?" Anaya curious.

"Friends."

"Who? New gebetan?" Anaya teases.

"That's important! I just want to have the same smoke." Sandra went to the door. "Don't forget to drink the milk!"

Sandra closed the apartment door and walked quickly to the elevator. Since noon he had promised to meet someone. Anaya must not know that he will meet is Izzar.

Sandra is reluctant to imagine what Anaya's reaction would be if she found out she was following Izzar's hopeful request to meet him. He was curious about something that the man would say.

Izzar had already waited half an hour for Sandra in a cafe. He starts to get nervous because Sandra is late, because she has another important appointment in less than two hours. When Sandra finally showed up five minutes later, she was relieved.

"Hi! Sorry are!... I was stuck at Anaya's place." Sandra's breath was a little puffed up.

"How are you?"

"Hmmm... It's getting healthy."

"Anaya's sick?" Izzar's voice was full of worry.

Sandra stammered. She remembers Anaya's threats not to tell her about her pregnancy.

"His heart only relapsed yesterday." Sandra's hand waved to call a servant. He ordered a cup of latte.

"Naira?" Izzar asked the little boy he missed.

"Naira's good....He's your nanyain. I don't know what Anaya answered," Sandra replied.

Izzar sipped a little of his black coffee. Sandra looked at him deeply. He could feel the weight Izzar was holding in his eyes.

"You don't want to see them again?" ask Sandra.

"certainly wants. But, if Ananya does not want, what can I do?... You'll understand his nature." Izzar answered.

"Maybe if you're honest with her, her heart can melt."

Izzar did not answer. His fingertips tapped on the surface of the table.

"He didn't give me a chance."

"You've been apathetic first, Zar." Sandra interrupted.

"I'm just being realistic. I never want to force other people's feelings to like and trust me." Izzar smile. Bitterer.

"Anaya just needs to be convinced. I'm sure he didn't want to leave you. Especially now that he's..." Sandra held back her words. His heart hesitated to pass on the news of Anaya and Izzar's newly grown love fruit.

"He what?" Izzar looked at Sandra. Waiting for the continuation of the interrupted sentence.

Sandra gulped down her latten to delay the answer. His brain thinks fast, lest he get stuck.

"Anaya why?" Izzar.

"He's sick. I told you, the ulcer relapsed." Sandra hopes Izzar believes it.

The man looked a little relieved. He saw his watch. He must leave immediately if he does not want to be late to the next appointment.

"Thank you for meeting me, San. I'd like to ask you a favor..." Izzar took out a sealed brown envelope from his pocket. He thrust it in front of Sandra.

Sandra looked at him.

"Please tell Anaya."

"What's this?" Sandra held the end of the envelope.

Izzar smile. The voice in his heart replied, "my worth."

Sandra was smiling too. He thought it was a love letter. Romantic if it is true.

"Why don't you tell Anaya yourself?"

"He didn't give me access. My number is still blocked by her."

"Let me tell him you want to see him."

"That's fine!" Izzar replied firmly.

Sandra leaned her body against the chair, confused as to how to bridge the deadlock between Anaya and Izzar.

"I have to go, have an appointment with someone else. My drink I bought. You want to add another one?"

Sandra shakes.

"Business or.mm..." Although afraid Izzar was angry, Sandra asked also about the plan of the meeting Izzar.

"Business." Izzar smile.

"okay!" Sandra laughs.

Izzar.

"I want to go home too!" Sandra finished the rest of the drink.

In front of the cafe, before parting ways, Sandra held back Izzar's steps.

"Zar, what if Anaya wants to come back? You want to take it?"

Izzar looked at Sandra for a moment.

"I never asked him to leave. I asked him to trust me too. But he chose to be alone... If Anaya wants to come back, I just hope it's her choice."

"But, Zar... Tuh women are sometimes pretentious, but he actually needs!" Sandra made a confession.

Izzar. He looked at the clock again. He really should leave now.

"Sorry, I have to go now!"

Sandra nodded.

"If Anaya really needs me, I'm sure, she knows where to call and find me... Because I didn't block the number." Izzar smiled before turning around and waving.

Sandra returned Izzar's hand and walked to the parking lot. He decided to go home to his apartment and sleep. He felt tired. Izzar's deposit will be delivered to Anaya tomorrow.

In her apartment, Anaya wakes up in the morning. Blanketed. He decided there was enough time to be lazy and follow his morning sickness. He had to wake up because there was some business to be done. Naira's new school, goes to the obstetrician, and plans to move back to her house.

The last thing made him a bit squeaky. Some of his heart was not ready because now the house has a lot of touch Izzar hand.

Naira was tidy when Anaya finished her bath. They're going to a new school in a minute. She was brushing her hair when her phone rang.

Randi called.

"Hi, the holidays are over! Where's my seat?" Anaya shouted her voice.

"Hi! Have you heard the news yet?" Randi sounds very serious.

"What news?"

"Ridwan was arrested by the police! He's accused of embezzling his father's company money!"

Anaya.

...***...