Cracks of Love
Car Riding

My husband and Ms. Sukma left and went home together to go to their campus. Maybe they started from 1 car to confide in each other, so that Bu Sukma felt there was comfort in his heart when he was with my husband. Perhaps also the attitude of her husband is not as gentle as my husband, so want something more than my husband, not just a friend or a subordinate and superior but want my husband to be his life partner.

If my thoughts with his thoughts are the same, he really does not love himself. Wh why? if he loves himself then he will not sin by being an actor in my household. 

Today, the 25th of October after my husband came home from duty out of town, at night. I saw with my own eyes, my husband was making out with Bu Sukma in his car. They were not aware that a pair of eyes were looking at their depraved behavior in the car. Bu Sukma seemed to enjoy the fondling and caresses of my husband. My husband kissed Bu Sukma's entire face with lust, his hands playing around in Bu Sukma's body area. Their hot kiss caused the car to sway, if I hadn't caught them maybe they would have done what a couple would have done.

Allahu...Allahu...This really hurts me, the first man I loved and married I am now in front of me sinning. Which wife whose blood does not boil when her husband does such a thing. Which wife whose soul does not scream when marriage is tainted. She touched another woman, not me her legal wife, not me accompanying her from ground zero until she graduated PNS, not me giving birth to her children.

I can no longer bear to see their animals behave. I kicked their car using both hands, so they were shocked because I saw the lustful activity of the animals they both in the car.

My husband immediately stopped his animal activities, he immediately opened the car door and forced my hand and I was taken into the house. My wrist is bruised because he dragged me. At that time the house was quiet, Cia was at school, Caca and Adam were playing to their friend's house.

"What the fuck are you doing pervert in the car? I'm not enough for you, huh!" I shouted against my husband.

"Why, huh! I like it," replied my husband with eyes staring intently at me.

"What! liked her? do not remember you already have children and wives, do not think also the actor had a husband and children. Blind you! or memory loss?" my emotions overflowed with the incident.

“Don't talk like that about him! I love him,” my husband snapped at me and said the words that broke my heart.

“Why? Hot ears I talk like that. Love you said hahaha it's not love but lust mixed obsession. You bought him a bag for 5 million it ‘kan, lipstick on the shoulder of your shirt shirt it's the lips of the actor ’kan. Tega you desecrated our marriage.”

“Yes, I gave it to him, the woman I love. I'm more comfortable with him than with you. Why is it hah!”

“What? you can do this with me. I accompanied you from zero and now you praise the actor. Not in your right mind.”

“As for your thoughts, I don't care about that. I don't want to fight back with you, whatever I do it's none of your business.” My husband came out of the house slamming the door, I don't know where he was. Because it's still working hours. Possibility of going back to the office or making out again with the actor.

I was alone in that house, I sat in the corner of a wall that stood firm but not as solid as my wounded heart. My husband blatantly said love to the actor. Allahu what should I do, I really feel the weight of this problem.

Every night I cry, when my children are asleep. I think about the fate of the children. His father had changed, not paying attention to his children anymore. 

“Beautiful and handsome Mamah children, what should Mamah do. Allahu. It should be your age to be happy to always gather with your parents.” I said speaking monologue as if my children were listening.

Since then my relationship with my husband has been increasingly fractured, even they dare to openly relate in front of me. Shameless of them doing that.

A lot of pressure on my days, I chose to stay and wanted a divorce because I thought about my children without a father figure.

The less often my husband was at home, the more he reasoned with the task of going out of town. I don't know if what he's saying is true or not. Or the task of accompanying the actor. I laughed to myself considering the kindness of the actor, I respected him, my polite attitude towards him. Unexpectedly turned out to be my own neighbor, and was my husband's superior.

My brain began to speak, lest the food he often gave me, there was a jampe-jampe to save my husband. So that my husband forgot his feelings for me and his three children. My brain is thinking hard, very hard sometimes I feel like my brain is about to break.

My husband was made blind, not guilty of doing that to me. I imagined them having a relationship like a married couple making my heart cut, hurt and sprinkled with salt on it. Perih..perih.

Will I be strong enough to have days like this?

kring.kring.my flat object reads, I take it and I see who called me. My eyes rounded “Mother...” I immediately wiped my tears. I tried to smile as if nothing had happened to me. Mother video call me.

Kaila\= ["Assalamu'alaikum Mother.”]

I showed a happy face full of happiness. I don't want my parents to know about my household problems. I will try to persevere and continue to pray that my husband may change again.

Kaila \=[“Alhamdulilah Mommy healthy, Mommy how healthy? are you healthy Bun?”]

Mother called my brother to be able to join a video call together.

Mother ["Neng, Assalamu'alaikum."]

Kaila \=["Wa'alaikumsalam Abah, I'm fine. Is she healthy?"]My brother who has been slamming the bones to finance my education until I graduated s1, forgive Syifa if later I disappoint you.

Abah \=["Well, where are your grandchildren?"] Abah always asked for his grandson, his first grandson was my son. I was the first of 3 children.

Kaila \=["More playing Abah with her friends."]

Abah \=[“Siang-day gini play, hot oruh, in tangerang again hot nih.”]

Kaila \= [“Di Bandung rather overcast Abah. Take care of your health and Mother too. I want to wash first, sorry Bah, because it looks like the kids are playing.”]

Abah \=[“Yah take good care of yourself. Greetings with Rangga.”] If Abah finds out that man hurt your daughter right now, would you still want to send her a greeting?

Kaila \=[“Iya Abah, I will convey.”]

Abah \=[“Assalamu'alaikum.”]

Kaila ["Wa'alaikumsalam.”]

I cover up my troubles, let me feel this. I felt the disappointment of my heart towards my husband. I never imagined my life like this. Mother, brother, forgive Syifa who chose the wrong life partner. 

Love becomes hate, affection becomes anger, longing becomes unkind, belonging becomes suffering. I've been devastated by my husband's affair. O Lord with this wounded heart, strengthen my heart. I am insulted, reviled only You where I complain. Don't break my faith if I don't match up with him anymore. Please hold my hand for your love. Allahu…

 Seriate 

***

Thanks reader for stopping by

Help like, comment, vote and follow me well.

Read my other novel

5 Years of marriage without love

Wrongly lambered

Friends on the same sosmed I yuk

fb @Farida (R)

ig @kak_farida