Cracks of Love
Red Line 2

My relationship with my husband is getting longer. Rarely communicating with myself, I was like a stranger in his eyes. I don't know what my husband thinks of me now. Maybe the actor brainwashed my husband because I hit the actor. Every time I communicate with my husband, his mouth will have words that hurt my feelings.

Every time he came home was not a caress anymore he gave but he gave a hateful look, not words of love again spoken but words of caci maki. 

My husband's personality has changed, always smiling at me. Now the flat face when I looked at me, the warm kiss I had when she was about to go to work, now when I wanted to kiss the back of her hand, she threw my hand out. Oh my husband is this really you against me?

I don't understand what the actor gave my husband.

My husband seems to forget his wife and children. The love for children is gone, the indifference towards children. I still put my chest as a shield for my son because of the children who still need me.

I still wish my husband had changed. I did not forget to pray to God after I finished my prayer. I leave his name in every prayer. Allahu...Allahu...Allahu, the weight of the trials You have given me.

If there is any love left, then add up the amount of love towards me. If this contract rope is you ridhoi then do not break our contract rope. If he still has a speck of affection for his children please magnify that point into a grain and make it bigger like a towering mountain, wider like the expanse of the ocean You created. But if instead he does not deserve to be my faith anymore and the father of my children then empty him far away from us. I beg, O Lord, with a contrite hand, I ask You to strengthen me, to keep my faith with You. Aamiins. 

I shed tears with every prayer. I don't know how many times and how many tears I shed. Sometimes I am tired of these tears, I feel not strong from this burden. Honestly his words that always berate me who continues to shower my heart this causes my slowly broken psychic.

Allahu...Allahu...Allahu...

Dedd..dedd sound flat object Kaila.

Tina \= [“Assalamu'alaikum de, are you all right?”]

Kaila [“Wa'alaikumsalam Mba Tina, I'm fine. Mba Tina how's it going? Mba Tina kids healthy?”]

Tina \= [“Alhamdulilah, me and the kids are healthy. Are you really nothing?”]

Kaila [“Iya Kak, relax. I'm fine.”]

Tina \= [“If you have a problem can tell the story with Brother, so you are relieved and want to have friends that you can talk to.”]

Kaila \= [“Ah Yes Brother, Insha Allah. Syukron yah Kak.”]

Tina \= ["Well, I just wanted to ask you. Healthy well. Assalamu'alaikum."]

My only senior questioned my condition, glad someone still cares about me. Because in this Bandung I feel there is no longer someone who cares about me. My arms are gone, my free laugh is now just silent thinking about the fate of my life. The stories of those first loves are beautiful, but it turns out that with this first love I feel like hell.

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I looked at the calendar, my forehead shriveled because my menstrual schedule was past the date.

I was so nervous, "Am I pregnant again? O Allah, I do not reject Thy sustenance, but the circumstances of my life. My husband's not looking back at me." 

It is my heart that I am troubled to think about this, if I get pregnant again, what is my husband's attitude? Thoughts clutched in my brain. The tightness of this chest I felt, my heart was pounding. 

Kaila intends to buy a test pack at the pharmacy after she delivers Cia to school. 

“Where are we going?” Ask Caca.

“Almost a moment dear to the pharmacy,” my answer makes Caca's cute face to change.

“A sick?” Caca asked back.

“Alhamdulilah, Mamah well aja dear,” answered me.

“Kok to pharmacies, 'there is a place to sell drugs.” I smiled looking fixedly at Caca's black eyes.

“Mamah want to buy something, to check Mamah's stomach there is a baby dede or not,” while stroking my stomach is still flat.

“Oh there is a magical object that can know on your stomach there is a baby or not well in this pharmacy?” ask Caca.

“Iya darling her name is test pack,”.

“Wah! my sister is two dong if Mamah is pregnant again.” Caca's happy, he's prancing.

I do not use the test pack directly, because the use of test packs during the day conditions diluted urine so that the hormone sCG is difficult to detect. I use the test pack in the morning after I wake up, because the condition of concentrated urine in the morning can make the results more accurate.

💔💔💔

After I finished my morning prayers, I took the test pack I bought yesterday with Caca and Adam. My heart is pounding, I'm afraid of getting pregnant again, I'm afraid that if I get pregnant this child will suffer because his father is already blind with the actor. My husband comes home only occasionally to give money for daily necessities. I took a breath and slowly threw out as I dipped the test pack into the container that had my urine in, I waited for a while while closing my eyes. Nervous, scared, this is how I feel. I opened my eyelids slowly, I saw the test pack I was holding right now.

My body became limp, the results of the test pack showed a red line of two. I cried over the result, I still remember when I found out I was pregnant with Cia, not the cry I let out but the laughter of happiness. But I cried when I found out that I was pregnant with my fourth child. Lord, I am not ungrateful for what You have given me, but I am afraid I will not be able to conceive it. I elus my stomach and speak monologue to my son's seedlings.

“Pardon Mamah, cry over your presence because of the current state of Mamah. Whatever it is, you have to fight, son, with Mamah. Later you will be a great child pride Mamah.”

I took my phone in the room

Kaila \= ["Assalamu'alaikum, Mommy."] My voice was hoarse because it held my cry when I held my phone. I closed my eyes breathing slowly.

Mother \= ["Wa'alaikumsalam, son, are you okay? Your voice seems to be crying. What's the matter, honey?"]

Kaila \= [“Ah, it's okay Mother. I was just telling you the good news. Mother, I'm pregnant again, fourth child.”]

Mother \= [“Alhamdulilah, take care of your health dear. Rangga still often out of town? You are again pregnant young, must be guarded.”]

Kaila \= [“Nothing Mother, God willing I will be in good health. Mother just pray for me yah.”] I shed tears, this heartache holds this burden alone. But I don't want to make khawa.tir my parents.

Mother \= [“Kaila, how do you cry baby? What's actually going on? tell Mommy.”]

Although I lied, but the bond of feeling between Mother and I was very close. It felt like I was sad and depressed.

Kaila \= [“I cry happy Mother, because God still trusts me to have children back.”]

Mother \= [“Same story Mother well, if there is a problem.”]

Kaila \= [“Insha Allah Mother, well I have only reported that. Take care of the health of Mother well and greetings equally abah. Assalamu'alaikum Mother.”]

Mother \= [“Iya, later Mommy conveys to abah. You also take care of your health. Wa'alaikumsalam.”]

I don't know what to say when I meet my husband. She would see me again because I was pregnant with her fourth child or even she threw me away so as not to come closer to her. Because when I meet my husband and communicate, he always berates me. My husband's like he's been bewitched, blown or something. What is certain is that he is no longer the person he used to be, as his personality disappears from his identity.

I still echo the results of my test pack, I force this smile to expand.

"Don't say Kaila is stupid because he doesn't want to get divorced, because Kaila is a quiet child. His household problems, he did not tell the same story. Many considerations if he sued for divorce Rangga," said Author.

 Seriate

***

Hi readers, how about Sukma? it's outrageous to use black magic to destroy the Kaila family.

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5 Years of marriage without love

Wrongly lambered

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