Cry, Or Better Yet Beg
chapter 38. When I Love You

Accurate predictions are sometimes unpleasant. Matthias suddenly realized that this morning, as he was gazing at the rose garden without Leyla Lewellin.

He was doubtful whether he would appear for now, having become like that. Matthias had guessed it when he heard Hessen's report in his office last night. Even so, witnessing Leyla's absence with her own two eyes had made her feel exasperated.

“He is very stupid.”

Laughing, Matthias lowered the thin curtain then turned around.

Linda Etman's theft is just a hoax.

Breaking Leyla Lewellin's heart and tarnishing her pride was her true goal. He devises another plan after his failure to stop his son; it is Leyla who must be stopped.

Matthias happily applauded and praised Mrs great approach. Etmanl. He had a tremendous grip on his opponent and thrust his sword right at the target.

His hostility towards Leyla provided him with more entertainment than he had expected. Matthias could not help but laugh out of his lips as he listened to Hessen's report last night.

His relaxing weekend mornings were long and boring. After changing clothes, Matthias looked out the window again while drinking his coffee. Only Bill Remmer and the garden employees were there, but Leyla was nowhere to be seen.

Was he too greedy in wanting someone as pitiful as him?

Matthias took a morning walk while mocking his miserable state. Normally, he would stop by the pavilion to swim in his spare time. The servants who were well versed with their Master's routine would flee once they saw him approaching.

She wanted to see Leyla cry so she could have fun today.

As he was enjoying the wind blowing, Matthias happened to arrive at the gardener's cottage. The house without Leyla who was relaxing on the terrace while reading a book or diligently doing homework in the yard, felt too quiet.

Matthias's frustration increased slightly. It was then that a white pigeon suddenly flew into the house.

The bird flew straight towards the window behind the hut as if it had a predetermined purpose. Without a second of hesitation Matthias headed straight to where the bird was passing by. The bird perched quietly in the half-open window, and he saw a note stuck to the bird's feet.

Behind the window was Leyla's room.

The dove did not run away when Matthias approached him.

'Post pigeons?'

Matthias looked at the bird with a frown before gently catching it.

Despite being in human hands, the pigeon was very docile. Matthias stared carefully at the note the bird was carrying before a sudden exclamation from the window resuscitated him from his musings.

Matthias lifted his head, and he found Leyla sobbing and lying on the bed like a dead man in his room which he had previously considered empty.

Leyla opened her eyes and lay still, her gaze fixed on the ceiling for some time.

The room was filled with a dazzling light. The sound of birds chirping on the tree outside the window sounded clear and festive, like the summer sunlight in the morning.

As his dreamlike senses rose again one by one, the bitter truth he had forgotten about due to his illness slowly reappeared.

'That's weird…'

Leyla felt more at ease as the reality before her eyes grew clearer. The myriad of emotions that filled his air gap melted away in the form of cold sweat and tears that came out without him noticing.

It's been about two. No, three days have passed.

Leyla calculated how much time she spent lying on the bed before slowly lifting her body up and sitting down. She momentarily felt a little dizzy but soon regained her composure.

He looked at his bed sheet and thought that the bed sheet needed to be washed. The window sills should be cleaned because of dust. The dishes that Uncle Bill had washed before were less clean, so he had to polish them again to remove any remaining stains, and…

For a moment, Leyla was stunned and closed her eyes, thinking of the many tasks she had to do. When he reopened his eyes, he calmly decided that there was one thing that should be prioritized above all else.

He has to meet Kyle.

“You can't get around like this yet, Leyla. You need to rest!"

Kyle sped up his pace when he saw Leyla sitting by the river.

Leyla was staring at her reflection in the water, slowly raising her head to face the man. His face was pale, with visible symptoms of the disease.

“Why did you come all the way here?” Kyle hurriedly walked to his side.” I can meet you at home.”

With her knees tightly clenched, Leyla was sitting on a wide flat rock by the river. Her wavy, silky golden hair, which covered her slender shoulders naturally, was like part of the glittering afternoon sun.

"There's something I want to tell you."

Leyla spoke while looking at him seriously, without a smile as usual.

“So, what amazing thing would you say?”

Kyle laughed on his behalf, who showed no signs of excitement. Leyla looked at him without a word, raising her nose to laugh. Without the slightest bit of bad feeling, Kyle widened his smile.

“Meeting in other places like this is sometimes fun, but you are still not well. That's what worries me.”

“Kyle.”

“By the way, there's something I want to convey as well. How lucky we are to be able to talk here.”

“Kyle.”

“Do not worry about the stolen money, Leyla. Tomorrow my father will go to Ratz. Your tuition will–”

“Kyle, I'm not going to college.”

Kyle's words were cut by Leyla.

"… what?"

Kyle, who was sitting beside him and observing the stream, tilted his head. The two exchanged looks. A heavy silence occurred between them for a moment as their trapped gazes locked onto each other.

“I won't go to college.”

"What are you talking about? You passed that tough test! Don't worry about school fees. Leyla please, don't be too stubborn like that -.”

“I won't marry you either.”

Layla straightened her knees and wrapped her fallen scarf around her neck.

“I'll stay here with Uncle Bill, and live the life I always dreamed of. I'm sorry, Kyle. I should have told you this from the beginning.but I........ I was blinded by greed for a moment.”.

"Nothing?"

“Iya, although I always pretended not to want to, but in my heart I really want to go to college and continue my studies. So I decided to get married with the belief that it was possible. In simple words, to take advantage of you on the way.”

“Do you think I would believe such a lie?”

Kyle gave a cold snort, but Leyla looked unshaken.

It would be great if everything was a lie.

A bitter smile fell on her trembling lips. For a moment, Leyla believed that it was only sympathy or pity, yet she immediately understood the opposite.

Kyle Etman views Leyla Lewellin as a romantic couple.

He proposed to her with the heart of a lover. But he accepted it with the heart of a friend.

It was a lie if he said that he was not greedy inside. That fact made Leyla's heart sink.

Kyle jumped to his feet, his towering shadow looming over him.

"You love me. Do I look like an idiot who doesn't even know it?”

"I love you."

Leyla said; she did not deny.

'Is Kyle someone I love?'

'Yes, he does love her.' Leyla would nod her head repeatedly to answer that question. Despite being asked 1,000 times, he was willing to nod each time with the same answer.

“As my best friend, as an older brother, or sometimes as a younger brother. I love you so much, Kyle.”

Leyla remained steadfast even as she looked at Kyle's increasingly hardened face.

He should.

“But I know this is not the kind of love you want. I'm sorry Kyle, but I can't. I don't think I can love you like that. I cannot marry you with a heart like this.”

"… I don't care."

Kyle's throat felt tight as he swallowed his saliva.

“Whatever the type of love, as long as it's love, I don't care. It's okay even if it's not the kind of love I'm looking for, Leyla.”

"NO. I don't want to do that.”

Leyla slowly lifted herself up. Their gazes were glued between the roar of the forest wind. As she looked towards the wind-blown water, forming small ripples on its surface, Leyla caught her breath.

Not far from the cottage, this small forested river is a playground for little Kyle and Leyla. Amidst his fear of water, he was able to dip his feet into the stream that was barely reaching his knees. Rather than the Schulter River, Leyla would rather visit this place.

He used to read his book on a big rock shaded by trees, and Kyle roamed the river, catching crayfish or small fish. He would collect beautiful fresh water shells or pebbles, both of which were his favorites.

They laugh a lot. It was always a fun and moving moment.

When he loved her it was like that.

There are so many wonderful memories that are more beautiful than playing in the ripples of water. But still, the time of love is irreplaceable; it will remain within him forever.

'Even so, I still have to lose you.'

“I can't do it. I want to stop.” Leyla lowered her head to hide her blushing eyes. “I'm really sorry, Kyle. I should have told you from the beginning.”

“If that's your only reason, don't say it. The world is full of people who marry without love. Still, you love me. Enough."

Kyle approached her and hugged her shoulder.

“You used me? Goody. Utilizing me is also no problem.”

“Do not like this.”

“That's you, I'm fine. If I can help, please feel free to use me.”

“Kyle!”

“I'm fine as long as you don't leave me.” Kyle's eyes started to turn red.

Leyla clenched her hands, trying to fortify her wounded heart.

"I hate that. I don't want to do that.”

“If you really want to go to college. If you're so desperate to take advantage of me, don't let me go.”

“Kyle. The thought of marrying you and going to Ratz made me realize it.”

The most heinous things he had been fighting for not to say finally came out of his lips. Kyle's pupils dilated hearing his answer.

“I want to marry such a person and live without shame. My dream to feel such love exceeds my ambition to go to college with you.”

“Leyla.”

“I had thought of taking advantage of you, and pretended everything was fine until the end, but then I felt ashamed of this choice for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I'll regret it. I'm not happy living in a fantasy of guilt.”

“Leyla Lewellin!”

“If I take such a choice, I fear it will taint my time and my heart, who loves you as a friend and family member. I hate it the most and fear it will happen.”

His sincere voice trembled a little.

When it came time to grow up, she made the most childish decision she could have imagined.

Leyla exaggerates her dream of going to college together for fear of losing her. But in the end, the marriage turned out to be a real mistake that made him very sorry.

Mrs Etman is absolutely right. By the time she received Kyle's proposal, her relationship with Kyle had already crossed a line that could not come back again.

Madame Etman's frustration with her was too much for her to bear. Leyla can't separate Kyle from her beloved mother; moreover she doesn't want Uncle Bill to get hurt.

The trigger had already been pulled; the only thing that could be obtained by revealing the truth was a wound in everyone's heart. Leyla felt that her body had been drained away after shedding so many tears, and there was no way to return at the end of the road.

So he had to turn around this time, in silence.

It was the only way to save his last self-esteem, Kyle's family, and Uncle Bill's heart.

“Let me realize that dream, Kyle.”

Leyla whispered while looking at Kyle.

“We... Let's do that”.

'So let's say goodbye to those precious beautiful days and grow up.'

Leyla sighed softly for not voicing what she wanted to say. His somewhat hot breath flowed through his dry lips.

'Don't cry.'

Fortunately, tears did not flow in his eyes. The spell he had learned all along had somehow shown its benefits.

“Do not go.”

Kyle, who was still standing, grabbed Leyla's wrist as she passed by. His large, hot hands were trembling.

There's no Answer.

Leyla opened her tightly shut eyes and pushed her hand away.

Kyle's hand just came off. His grip on his wrist had lost his strength.

Leyla walked away with a weightless step, leaving Kyle, who was standing stiffly staring at the river.

His misty eyes glittered with a red color, but it was held back until he arrived at the cottage.