FRIEND BUT MARRIED
conscience
A broken heart feels like a fragile soul. Sitting alone surrounded by a very deep timelessness. It crossed my mind that someone would be present in my daydream. Tired in the mind of a turbulent time, between the mind and reality.
The freezing of the heart gets stronger when you think of someone who once filled the heart. This is the secret of the deepest story, I will tell you when the time comes, but all of it is just a story that is never revealed by the owner of the heart.
These fingers lead the mind to write a story that is only conveyed through writing. In the mind of Rani, a very deep feeling is to store a taste in someone who has accompanied his days in a state of joy and sorrow. Resisting feelings that only hurt the heart terribly for the sake of dreams and the future that I want to achieve and for the sake of maintaining the mandate of parents.
The longer you remember the memories, the more slashed this heart. A thousand times I don't remember you, a thousand times I try not to go back in my sweet, pseudo-memory, but my steps become more and more certain in my pseudo-love.
Rani's heart is getting turbulent with what is happening to her. The deeper he looked deeply into a picture and reviewed the demands of the story that once existed in the memory record, the more I eroded hope to move forward.
No need to expect the uncertain. Only time will answer. God knows what I need, not what I want because God knows my way forward. I as a human can only imagine and try, the rest I leave to God.
***
Dusk is in the west. The afternoon atmosphere changed the situation of the soul. Morning turns day, afternoon switches afternoon, time spins fast as if dragging a step to turn the wheel of time that is not realized all that happens to be the rest of human action.
With his stance, Rani tries to toughen up through the days and tries hard to save deeply about the feelings that once existed. Rani tries to keep her feelings until the right time comes. I don't know who I'm going to be with a priest who's been my lifelong friend. Only God knows the mystery of my life.
Waiting for an uncertain time. “When can all this be revealed?? Without a heart being hurt. Oh Lord... Give me the best answer.”, said Rani in a soft tone. Unconsciously, her tears flowed to the point of dripping on the paper.
When the silent atmosphere was full of turmoil, suddenly the sound of a call came in. Immediately spread his dream.
Rani anchored the phone, “Assalamu’alaikun. Fariz how are you? How's it going there??”
“Wa’alaikumsalam. Thank God I am well. The situation in Sisni is safely under control. Heee... how is de Rani?”
“Thankful then. Thank God my news is good too. Oya, what's up? Why suddenly call me, it seems important?”, asked Rani with a curious heart.
“Actually the intention of contacting ade, there are things you want to convey. Insha Allah, on Tuesday who will come, the command of TNI Army special soldiers, some of the members will be parachuted to conflict-prone areas in Papua. Mas ask do’anya hopefully lancer and safe controlled well de”, said mas Fariz.
“Oallah…. God willing I am here to’a your safety there. So the members are among those deployed in Papua? How many days is there?”, asked Rani with an increasingly anxious heart.
“Ya de..not how many more days there, but weeks. In the letter, almost two months. TNI AD Kodim 0503 is seconded to conflict-prone areas. The matter of life and death is already the risk of carrying out military duties that dare to sacrifice for the security of the State even lives. Take it easy de, God willing mas there well.”
“Mas Fariz don't say very far, it gave me goosebumps. I heard that I was worried about myself. Long time there. Take good care of yourself there. Rani here just mendo’akan bias, can not do anything but berto’a for you.”
“Makasih de... That alone is more than enough for me. It's de, don't worry. There is still a God who will protect His people who fight for the security of the State. The military is my world. Life and death are fought for the sake of defending the country. That is the oath of service of TNI soldiers. Ade's fine right there. Astaudikumullah…. I leave you to Allah.”
“Mas Fariz, what you said made me so moved. I hope God will protect you. Fariz Psti returned safely. I'm here to’mu so that nothing happens. Thanks for doing’ it. Little words of encouragement in running to achieve dreams.”
“Don't forget to learn, worship a lot because living in this world what we do is solely for worship, looking for its blessing. Same with both parents. While close to him, do not waste the opportunity. Like me, I am far from my parents, family, relatives, far from you. Heee…. At the headquarters, everything feels foreign to me”, he said to give advice to Rani.
“Yam as Fariz, again thanks for the advice. Rani will try to make happy parents. Become a successful person that parents always pride themselves on. Mas must remain spirit for the future.”
“sama-sama de... we live to share and understand each other. The difference is to complete. The cover-up between me and au. May you be a successful person. How's college?”
“Amin... Alhamdulillah. Yes although there are some obstacles, trials, naturally the name life can not be smooth. The road is flat, there are climbs, there are derivatives, there are holes. It is the same with the human way of life to achieve happiness…. Jieeaaahhh so mature I well. Heee.just a few more semesters out. Hopefully given the ease in achieving what I hope”, said Rani with great hope.
“Yah de... here I also mendo’akan and support you. We both fight and try to get the best. All that can not be separated from do’a parents.most importantly follow the advice of parents.what he said, do1 even though it was very difficult and laborious.”
That last sentence drugged Rani's heart. That moment of freezing blocked his mind from pausing for a moment. I don't know what to say to respond to the conversation.
“De...de Rani... Why be silent?”, Ask the surprising Fariz mas.
“Owh, Hmm…. Hmm... even though parents forbid their children to connect with someone who is far away??”, I asked in a stamped voice.
“Why suddenly ask that? What's up?.”
“Alright, all parents want the best for their child. If that's the best for your parents, then go with it. Don't regret it at the end of the road. Better to think carefully, even a thousand times think, but if you want to take a risk and want to face the risk with a wise solution then follow your heart.”
At first glance, my mother's voice called me, “Rani…..Rani...”
“Wah, it looks like mom called me. Thanks, my friend, for the advice. We continue at another time. Greetings from me. Greetings peace!”
“Ok ready commander! Heee. slam also for the Police. Hee.. wow, there is actually something I want to ask about your question earlier, but since mom has called you sometime. Sweet greetings from me to the one who hears my voice.”
“Thank you…. Fine there,” I said reply.
“Yes dik Rani. Astaudikumullloh. I leave you to God. You're fine too. Good luck always.”
***
Cold air begins to shake the skin. In the void of time, I stood still for a moment after doing various activities throughout the day. Tiredness was erased and disappeared instantly when he saw his sweet smiling shadow when he went to wander and go for State duty.
The shadow only briefly flashed in Rani's mind when she remembered the mother's advice at that time. The anxiety of the heart began to fluctuate, colliding with principles and a sense of growing strength. I don't know what happened to him and I don't understand what he should do.
A clear recall to Rani's memory, as mother's gaze looked at her meaningfully. He gave a signal that was opposite to what he was thinking at the time.
“Oallah duk,,, try to answer honestly to mom. Who was that man who was fighting the army?? A fella? Or more than just friends? What does he need to come here?”, said the mother with a cold face.
“Mother, Rani apologizes for not asking permission from mom. His name is Fariz. My friend when Junior High. He came here only to be grateful at once. That's just mom.”, I replied with a restless heart.
“Marriage? You said buddy? Since when did you dare to betray mother's trust? Or are you still covering up the lie? If it's just a friend, then why would he want to go to all parties. I know son, a mother's heart is sensitive to the movements of changing children's attitudes. No mother wants her children to be disappointed. Any mother will fight desperately for the happiness of the child”, said the mother with the most touching tone. The eyes of the mother glazed as if she wanted to say something that could not be said immediately afraid of hurting her child.
“Rani confused what to say to mom. Truly mother, Rani did not intend to betray mother's trust. If Rani can be honest, from the heart Rani tried to keep my feelings so that Rani did nothing wrong. Rani does have a little taste with him, but rani understands that the time is not yet right to go further. So, Rani with him is still good friends. Rani hasn't finished college. There is still a long way in my life”, said Rani with an unstoppable tear groan.
“Nduk,, this mother understands, I understand your feelings, because I also used to experience all things, from hard to happy, from bitter to sweet. Mother does not forbid you to show, and mother does not intend to hinder your relationship with her or maybe you assume to mother if mother does not like or disagree. It was all wrong. Look at the face of the mother, look at the eyes of the mother with a cold heart. I just want you to be successful and happy with your choices. I don't want your decision to become a teacher will end in vain because you can't go through all those trials. I just want to knock you to the gates of success.”, answer the mother with hope for the good of her child.
“Rani apologizes, mom. Rani is proud to have a mother. Ranibelum dating her bi. We're still friends. Rani understands all the advice of her mother. Thanks ma'am. Bismillah.insha Allah Rani will always obey the advice of the mother. Rani wants to be a teacher anyway and if Allah gives me a chance to become a lecturer. Rani wants an S2 scholarship to continue her studies. Rani asks do’a from mom. Hopefully I can get through the trials.”
“Iya nduk... very high wishful thinking and your dreams, then do not break the rope of the bridge to get to the gate of success. Be careful or if you are off guard, then you will fall into a steep cliff. I will surely wish you all the best. I insist on advising you to the fullest extent possible so that you do not fall. Thank God you understand what Mom said. You now say not dating, still friends, but but time will answer it and prove your efforts. If in your path, time rotates by continuing to communicate with him, then everything will change. For a long time you will forget and be negligent with your principles and dreams.bias so you become an inconsistent person.”
“Mother, honestly Rani is confused by all this. Then how should Rani? What should Rani do? Should Rani sacrifice these feelings for the future?,” Tanya Rani with a worried heart.
“Ya sure! As long as you are willing to live it. No element of coercion. Everything needs to be fought for, and behind the struggle there must be sacrifice. Save your feelings well. understand what mom said?”
“I mean Mom, Rani stay away from Fariz?”
“If you can do it, but if it's too hard, bury your feelings and try to behave as usual. Do not continue that step.you first fix everything. Go to college first, reach for your future. Many self-fulfilling insya Allah will all bear sweet fruit.”
“But... hmmmm Rani hard to do bu. It feels heavy to empty the heart that has been entangled in love,” said rani with a sad face.
“Nduk, you don't yet know what life really means. About love later you will also understand when the time is right. Then, if Allah wills what you want, it will also be revealed. Now the most important thing is the correct lecture, diligent, diligent so as to quickly graduate on time. So, graduation is also not the origin of graduation, but the knowledge can be practiced and useful for others and yourself, as well as for you,” gently I give understanding to Rani about something that Rani never forgets.
“Now Rani understands and understands what mom says she and mom did for me. Thank you Mother.. Rani asked ma’af yah bu,” said Rani with the deepest heart.
“Ya nduk.. I have mema’kan before you ask for it. Follow what mom says. You must be biased. Just slow. Slowly, little by little you can forget it. For your mother and for your future. Remember connecting with a prajurut is a lot of risk.”
“So that's what makes mom......,” has not finished Rani said, mother's warm voice is connecting so fast.
“Sstt... already son. Like I said at the beginning of the conversation. No mother wants to see her child disappointed. Everyone wants the best for their child. Already adzan. Quickly pray. Don't forget to reflect on what you said well nduk,” said the mother with a warm smile that reconciled the heart.