Just A Professional Relationship
Episode Thirty Eight

Nadin Dear.

If you read this letter, it means I've gone far. To a place you haven't been able to visit in the meantime. But from there, I can still see you, with a life that I hope will always make you happy.

I'm sure you'll be furious and hate me even more after reading this letter. But it doesn't matter, because I hate myself. For what I have done to you.

My life is no longer the same after knowing that I will go first leaving you to live in the midst of grief. I can't imagine you continuing to dissolve in sadness, if you know my true circumstances. The only thing that comes to mind is how to get away from you, and disappear into solitude.

If I had been honest about my situation, you wouldn't have accepted if I asked you to leave. Until I finally got a crazy idea, which turned out to be far from what I imagined.

Never once did I plan to make you fall down to look so tormented. I just meant to make you feel hate for me, and finally decided to walk away. Because I thought that hatred would make my existence forgetable faster.

But there are times when I am very sorry for what I have done. When I saw you as broken as that, I felt the same way. I almost decided to stop everything in the middle of the road. It's just that it's been too slow. There was no choice but to finish what I started.

Nadine.

To be honest…

The only woman in my heart is you. From then on, until now, it never changed. And it will never change.

There's not a day I've been through without thinking about you. Imagined you…

Are you healthy today? Are you happy today? All those unrequited questions sometimes make me cramped. Makes me want to get out of this world. To always look at you from up there.

I wonder how you felt reading this letter. Do you hate me more? I hope so. Better just hate me, and forget that a man like me was born in the world. People who can't even look after you and make you happy.

I'm sure there will be others who can better keep your smile. And live together in happiness.

***

Nadin could not stop shedding tears from the beginning of reading the letter. He was sure that the writing was really made by Juna…

 “What Kak Juna... now it is..”.

Axel shakes. "He sent another letter. And the last one just got to three days ago."

Finally, Axel took out all the letters he had stored in the drawer in his room. Give the item to the original recipient. Even he never saw the contents at all. All of the envelopes were still sealed tightly, from the beginning up in his hands.

Nadin continued to read the other letters. Sitting limply on the floor of Axel's room. While Axel himself could only sit watching. Refraining to continue to be in the midst of circumstances that he does not like. Again, he had to hear Nadin's sobs.

***

Nadias…

All this tormented me. I can't believe it's this hard to get away from you. I think I'm getting used to it. But the truth is, this loneliness torments me all the time.

Especially when I heard about your mother's departure. Makes me think that this might be the punishment for your mother's disappointment in me. Who has reneged on the promise to care for and make his son happy. At that time I could only beg her for forgiveness, and find another way so that you could still be happy, even without my presence.

I want to run there and hug you. Keep on by your side. But it's all just wishful thinking. Because just to step out of the house I can't.

Nadias…

This might be my last letter. Actually, I didn't expect you to read any of this. It would be better if all were allowed to remain as before.

But if you really read it. I hope your life is filled with happiness. Keep smiling, Nadin. Look up every now and then, and show me your beautiful smile. So that I can treat my longing from up there.

***

The last letter was sent from Japan a week ago. Although no one knows, but Nadin thinks that Juna is still fine. That man must be alive. Somewhere, in solitude…

“A few days before leaving, he suddenly came to the store. Acting like nothing has ever happened between us, and saying you want to start making friends with me,” Axel explained. “I really-beanr doesn't understand his way of thinking. How could I possibly trust someone who has even ruined your life and mine. But, that day he managed to force me, to say willing to beg to prostrate to be able to get my help.”

Axel paused his story to sigh. “After I agreed, he asked me to save his first letter. But I didn't immediately accept it and force her to tell me what was really going on. At that moment, he finally explained everything. And forbid me to tell you. Until the time comes.”

Nadin suddenly forced to laugh. With tears still flowing. “Could not. It's all just a story, right? You, Juna, you two conspired to make up all this?!” he said with a little emotion. He squeezed the letter in his grasp and threw it.

“Not at all. Why would I do it all the same to you? And Juna. Since long ago until now, he still remains in love with you.”.

Nadin covered his ears with both hands. As if she refused to hear anything more.

Axel approached the woman, and held her hand. “I know he's stupid for doing all this. But all that he did was for one reason, which is you. which he thinks even more of than himself,” he explained in a soft tone.

Nadin's cry slowly subsided. He tried hard to calm himself. “Why...” he said slowly. “Why don't you hide all this from me? Don't you like it when I'm still thinking about Juna?”

The man smiled faintly, and looked at Nadin intently. Many times he asked himself the same question. Though he could have destroyed all of Juna's letters, and let them disappear without having to be known by Nadin. Now, why is he trying to get Nadin to rethink his former lover?

“Until any time you will never be able to stop thinking about that person. Because without realizing it you yourself feel there is something strange happening. And I think this is the best. Don't you want to meet him? I'm sure Juna needs you there.”

Again Nadin's tears came. Axel repeatedly wiped it with his hands.

“Go, Nadin. I'm sure you're not too late. I'll help you meet him.”