My Boss Samuel's
112. Roasting

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I was quite surprised by what I saw. Sam's private driver was waiting for me in front of the hotel lobby with my big brown bag. He said he took care of my check out and told me to go home with him.

Actually today was the last day I was here. But as I know, at the end of this activity there will be a farewell event. However, I had to choose to go home first because I had no other choice.

I arrived in Jakarta when it was dark. The road is pretty jammed today. I just kept quiet all the way, letting Sam's driver drive home.

What makes me quite surprised is that Sam's car is already parked in the carport. Tumben once he didn't come home in the middle of the night. I immediately went in and let the driver carry my bag. Stepping into the room impatiently because I missed the grumpy man who was my husband.

“Hai.” I said hello and found Sam fresh out of the bathroom with wet hair.

“Hm.” He just mumbled.

I approached her and hugged her. “I miss you so much. You don't miss me?”

He did not respond, only remaining silent while drying his wet hair with a small towel.

“Sam ...” persuade me while caressing her chest with the tip of my finger, then go up to touch her neck.

Sam immediately grabbed my hand before I reached his neck, he then pushed me until I was cornered on the wall. Both of his hands were clutching my arms firmly.

“You know that I have a problem with emotions, but you deliberately provoked my anger today. If you don't want me to be angry, don't try on purpose.”

I was speechless hearing his cold tone and extremely frightening sharp gaze. Makes me really quiet.

“You understand that?” Sam asked coldly.

I nodded in fear.

“Good.” Sam let go of my hand, which he held firmly in his grip, and then he walked away into the walk in closet without looking back.

I stayed long in my position. Look at the end of the shoes I still wear. I went into the bathroom, kept quiet under the shower and kept thinking about Sam's cold face. My tears just came down without me stopping. I bit my lower lip so as not to sob, but still, I cried under the cold water that soaked my head.

It felt like there was a big needle piercing the recesses of my heart.

I've never been this scared before in facing Sam. After taking a shower, I immediately infiltrated into the blanket and hugged the bolster. Sam didn't seem to be in the room and I chose to close my eyes. Although I'm sure I can't fall asleep.

Sam feels foreign to me.

The first fight with Sam I really hated. If I may ask I don't want this fight to happen. I was afraid to look at the angry Sam just like before, I could still feel his firm grip on both of my arms, as well as the sharp gaze he gave me. The scary look I just saw for the first time. Different from when I worked as his men first.

I guess Sam will always treat me well, willing to understand everything I do. But I seem to be expecting a little too much.

I kept crying nonstop under the blanket. As much as possible I don't make a sound as long as I cry. I felt Sam start to climb into the bed without making any sound at all. And it made me feel sick more and more.

I felt him start pulling the blanket and lying down beside me, without trying to talk to me again. He just kept quiet until I started to fall asleep and didn't remember what happened that night.

•••

I got up early in the morning before Sam even woke up. Bathe and dress quickly, grabbing the map containing the paper from the Quis freshman half I corrected. I immediately got out of the room while grasping the car keys.

I'm still scared and not ready to see Sam this morning. Even though today I have no teaching schedule, I choose to go to Mama's house. Besides I miss Mama, Mama's house is a place that always manages to make me comfortable.

“Kok tumben early in the morning already here?” Mama hugged me tightly while tucking my forehead.

“Same breakfast kangen Mama.” I reasoned while following Mama into the kitchen.

Then I shook my head. “Sam has departed earlier, he has an important job.” I chose to lie because I didn't want to tell Mama about my household problems. Besides this is my secret, I don't want to worry Mama either.

Mama made me fried rice like she always made me all this time, with an omelet because I don't like eggs.

After eating and joking with my mom, I felt much better. I sat cross-legged in front of the TV while correcting the Quis papers of the students. My mom was watching beside me and focused on watching TV.

“Not working today?”

I can only shake.

“Keep here?” ask Mama again.

I bit my inner lip. “Mama ngusir?”

Mama laughed. “Who's upset, Mama Just her. You have a husband at home who needs to be taken care of. Why even run away here?”

My words made me swallow with difficulty. I looked down, staring at the papers strewn across the table. Did Mama realize that? That I do have a problem with Sam? Is a mother really that kind of person with her child? And somehow I suddenly thought of Sam, even though he made me like this, but I still care and think about it now.

Is he awake? Is he looking for me? And has he eaten?

“Del.” A gentle swipe in the head made me turn my head and come out of my mind. “If there is a problem, do not run away. But finished.” Mama said with a gentle smile.

I'm shaking. Trying to give a sweet smile. “Me and Sam are fine, Ma.”

“If you and Sam are okay, he will not panic Mama's phone earlier and nanyain you are here or enggak.”

“When does he phone?” I looked at Mama in shock.

“When you went to the room earlier. He's freaking out, Del. Mama can hear her voice like people crying.”

I just sneered, not trusting Mama's words that I thought were excessive. After all, Mama does sometimes like lebay, just like Vino.

After all since when did Sam cry just because I wasn't by his side? All this time he looked ordinary, lived his day well and was busy with his work. Even in Bogor yesterday he could ignore me for two days.

“Del.” Mama grabbed my head and placed it on her chest, her hands moving caressing my long hair. “Mama love you. You know that?”

I nodded, hugged Mama tighter and suddenly the urge to cry came crashing down on me. I bite my lips and sob in silence.

“I'm Just going to nenangin myself, Ma.” I rubbed my cheeks where my tears flowed. “I'm just confused and scared.” Whisper me, in the end I ventured to tell the fear that I had secretly been alone all this time. I rubbed my stomach still flat. “I haven't been able to get pregnant until now, Ma. And I'm scared.” I cried in my Mom's arms.

Mama hugged me tight. “You just haven't been loved yet, don't suudzon the same as Allah.” Mama said hoarsely, joined in crying moved.

“I'm sure Sam would want a child from our wedding, Ma. And I'm afraid that I can't love him son.” I said more and more crying.

“It's only been one year, Del.” Mama rubbed my cheek gently. “Many have not had children in years but they still want to try and pray.” Mama looked at. “Don't be sad yes, you will definitely be loved by children. Only now is not the right time according to God.”

Keep when??

I just kept the question to myself. Because no one will be able to answer that even Mama though. So I don't have to ask. Until that question will be answered by itself.

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TO BE CONTINUED....