Re:START/If {Book 1.0}
Chapter 53: Ordoxi Nigrum (Part 01)
The logic of the gods, the laws and rules of the world are irreversible. Everything in this world is already in their discourse, there is no miracle or coincidence. Since Causality was created, since the law of cause and effect exists in this world everything has been determined. Indeed, destiny is not an absolute thing and everyone is given the freedom to choose, but that is only in the process. Like millions of rivers that branch from upstream, all existing streams will inevitably flow into the sea as the final destination.
Someone once asked me, “In life, is getting an obligation worth being grateful for or even a mere burden?” Whether when the time and when the universe is thrown, I do not want to be clear the question asked by whom. There are too many worlds I have seen, too many lives I have lived, too many people I have met. Too much until I'm tired of remembering everything, I want to throw it all away from life.
Although this body was cut into pieces, the head was cut off, the heart was broken, and it was burned to ashes, I could not completely disappear. Death is not an end for me, but a beginning for a new life. Whether the apocalypse is approaching, whether the end of the era of power who is blessed, I never got a true end.
The answer to the question I was asked until now I still can't find out exactly. Whether it is to be grateful or not, there is something certain about it. There is something unshakable about what is being asked.
“My life is my own, I am free to set goals to achieve. I want to live without having to follow the will of others or under their pressure!”
From then until now, that hasn't changed. I have always expected this, despite being reborn many times and taking on many roles during this ongoing cycle of Samsara. Someone once said, if a person's soul is reborn into the world it must be because they committed a great crime in the previous life, their second life is a real punishment.
If that's how the world works, then what I want is a sin in the eyes of those in the sky. Expecting freedom is a sin in their eyes, a haughty entity that only observes beings from the throne.
Before I realized everything, I was just an ordinary young man who was just an indifferent observer of the millions of dramas that were all around me. Someone once called it Shinra-Bansho, the whole universe. A set of provisions, processes, limitations, and goals. It was just a past, a glimpse of regretful memories in his previous life. In an era long before the world began.
The wind softly touched my skin, entered between clothes and brought a cold that seemed to disturb the calm. Standing above in front of a cave in a forest, I stared ahead at what lay ahead. This place feels no different than before. It does not change at all, corpses are strewn about, a miserable and cruel destiny unfolding, a tragedy that makes one laugh in the madness and comedy of the suffering of others, I don't know a drama to entertain who all this is going on. In front of the mouth of the cave I stepped, among the corpses of the Minotaurs I had taken the magic crystals from.
Hands covered in blood, carrying magic crystals and still stepping between them. The morning breeze seemed to blow away my consciousness, although this soul should never be destroyed or disappear even if the world is rearranged. The curse that encircles this soul form, a concept of locking information that keeps my Identity alive.
Looking at the corpses of those monsters and a tragedy behind them, I briefly recalled the third moment of the first era where I first became an Immortal Soul. A sad girl killed ill-fated by savage creatures, a dark history of long wars that opened a barrage of eras of destruction. I don't know what he felt when he died? I don't know what the girl thought at the end of her life? I don't know, but obviously it would be sad to see from a third-person perspective like me.
The first era that I went through was an absolute chaos, the law of the jungle where the strong ones were arbitrarily a matter of face. In that era, simply every creature is very easy to lose life. Death is a common thing. I don't think it's much different from this world, full of tragedies until it's taken for granted.
No— I don't think so, the world this time is still very soft when compared to that world. Regardless of the tragedy that occurred in this world, it was not comparable to the curses and wrath that existed at that time.
It was like a single coin that was just different sides, both of them were both crazy and full of damage. Good people easily act evil in the name of justice, bad people do good because they think it is profitable. Basically, good and evil are just perceptions, nothing makes them absolute. But if asked to choose an eye that bis justified his actions, I prefer to go to the criminal side.
They, those who call themselves justice are so cruel and brutal, their actions are very dangerous. Their manner of behavior and actions is very dirty, their hearts and minds are full of hatred and resentment. In the name of justice they are willing to sacrifice themselves, in order to destroy what they consider evil.
Compared to them, the one who called themselves evil captivated my heart more. They were so beautiful in the darkness, the charming sparkle of a throne full of jewels and the beautiful women dressed up in magnificent thrones. Whether the glory is obtained from the suffering of millions of living beings, whether the beauty is obtained from billions of soul misery, or, those who are called evil have no radical emotions like those who are acting in their name of justice.
Be themselves, act like themselves. The moment the sword came into their windpipe, the criminals airily received the end with pride and satisfaction. Even the leaders of the so-called devils were very friendly to the person they acknowledged, even if it was from their own opponents and willingly killed in the most terrible way. The criminals do not harbor hatred or resent the enemy, brands do only what they want.
As someone I knew back then, “The ones who laughed the most were criminals, while the defenders of justice were the ones who got angry the most. That is the concept of the perception of justice and evil, good and evil! Nothing special about that!” I did consider it a piece of crap because I myself was blinded by that very blinding thing, a clear division between the two sides. But now, I think it's true. Very appropriate.
Although after getting immortality I vowed to no longer follow the flow of others, but in that first era I immediately broke my own oath. After the heavenly side revealed themselves and a great battle took place, I immediately entered into the evil side because of the radiance of authenticity.
Now I drop all the crystals that have been picked up, open my palms and look at the glare while looking at the shales of shiny rocks above the ground. There was a lot of blood that I gave birth to, too many sounds of death moans that I heard at that moment, a lot of families that I slaughtered and friends that I sacrificed. The destructive view that evil must be destroyed even if it becomes evil is deeply ingrained in this mind.
From then on I lost my way and continued to fight against the heavens, until unknowingly this soul was influenced by those who had died and lost freedom. In the end I was burdened with that obligation, to continue to play the role of a celestial opponent until the end of the world before this.
Perhaps ... that is what caused Korwa— the Korwa children to use the wrong way to call me to this new world. They consider evil more beautiful than good, indeed that fact is so captivating that they are blind to reality and do this way to call me back to the cycle of life in the world of this new era.
“I have planted it, therefore I am the one who menu ...”
Yes, indeed the one who continues the concept of evil and destruction is basically me. For the sake of freedom I sacrifice many things and destroy what is around me, but without me realizing it entangles me in an obligation to achieve freedom itself.
“This time I must end, I must end .... I'll end ...”
The word came lightly from this mouth, though I knew I would not be able to end everything. Returning to pick up the crystal I dropped, I pondered and pondered again. How do I fix this inherited mistake? How can I be free from an unfinished obligation? And how can I go to that woman to apologize to her?