Yellow Flags
Numbness

🚩 Jacob

The stifled emotions made me clench my hands tightly. I dare not look into the two eyes that are now glazed, ready to hatch if I misspoke. I incised a wound on the innocent girl's soul, making her heart and mind entangled. When I'm not sure, whether it's love or just the admiration that the girl has for me that also has wounds.

I never thought, divorce

my parents have had an impact on my mental health. I don't believe in commitment. In my mind, commitment is just a false promise that will be easily denied.

“Why not lo.... just give it to me ?!” the voice vibrates.

I remember the moment five years ago. When I went to Winona's boarding house to say goodbye. “You were back home at the time. There is only Sepia in kos.”.

“Back home?”winona sela. A small, mocking laugh came out of his lips. “When I get home..”

A soft clinking sound was heard. Elevator door automatically open. I stepped out.

“Sepia who said,” I said while walking. “If you go home..”.

“Gue never came home! My mother came here.” Winona sounded furious. Next to her hand held the long strand of fine hair behind her ear.

If I notice, his face is slightly red.

“Why does Sepia lie?!” he said he didn't believe.

I opened the door, letting Winona in first. The girl didn't look at me. Next to his hand was tightly grasping the black bag rope he was holding.

I can guess why Sepia was upset with Winona. Although Winona was always kind, also his attention to Sepia seemed sincere. But the girl harbored envy towards Winona.

Sepia likes me. The girl knew I didn't really love Winona when I was in a relationship with her. Sepia knew, I was dating just because I didn't want to be betrothed by Eyang.

At that time Eyang could only shrug his shoulders. I still remember the eyed words, fiery ‘love will only flare for a moment. If you are tired of playing with the sweet girl, one message Eyang. Although his heart remains broken, but it will not be as broken as you lost without news.’

Ironies.

I thought I ended the relationship well. Apparently, what Eyang was afraid of happened to my relationship with Winona.

I understand where I am now. I know Winona is upset with me. And I know, he hates feeling this helpless!

If I hadn't come home with Winona right now, I might still be at the cafe. Talked late into the night with my friends. But what happens if I don't get out, decide to find and drive Winona home? Gama could have forced Winona to come with him!

Out of the many scenarios, I was relieved to be able to explain the biggest problem of my relationship with Winona as soon as possible. Either he wants to visit me tomorrow, the most important thing now.

“I know you don't want to hear my explanation,” I said while turning on the main light. I twisted my body, glancing at Winona who kept stepping towards the living room. “If true Sepia did not give you the letter, I..”.

“Not important now!” Winona twisted her body quickly. Both eyes were staring at me round. “What's the point of knowing that now? Can it bring things back? Can I get back to believing?” That choking laugh sounded. Like scorn.

Both eyes did not look at me. The face turned, facing the glass window.

“Why! Why do you come back to my life...” hiss slowly. Clear bubbles drip down his tapered cheeks. I approached, spread my hands in the air. Winona stepped back, rubbing her cheeks rough.

I felt a gaping wound return, filling the gap in the broken heart crack. I never regret leaving Winona!

Because I thought, she would find a man who loved and cared for her better than me! Before the love deepened, I left it!

And now…

It seems like the universe is not finished with our story. On the first day of my return to Indonesia, I was reunited with Winona.

The girl sat on the sofa. Both of those trembling hands hid his face.

Oh, shit, I don't feel! I was so numb to be able to sympathize!

I know I care! But...why is there no spark of guilt lodged in my heart?

Even so, I really want to get closer. Hold her tightly in my arms. Tranquilize. Tell him, ‘I'm here’.

But what am I saying that for? Give him another false hope?!

If I come closer and pat her on the shoulder slowly, will Winona….

There's one thing I have to say to Winona. I exhaled a heavy breath. “I'm sorry Wio. Should've...”

“Gue tired Kubi,” he said slowly.

Cubical….

A small smile was drawn at the corner of my face that felt stiff. There was a bit of happiness in my heart when I heard the call.

“Sorry I disrupt private space lo. I hope, do not disturb you here.” That flat voice made me unable to say anything.

When Winona was cold, now my heart could feel? I feel the pain in my chest! If Winona gets angry and yells, I will feel judged. And both are not bad!

Although his cold and calm demeanor worried me. I don't want Winona to keep that grief alone! Moreover, I am the source of that wound!

The two watery eyes looked back at me. “Gue will sleep on the sofa, if lo..”.

“No,” I shook my head fast. “Please Wio, I am also tired of arguing you continue. But please, you sleep inside. Let me be here!”

Winona stood up, her steps swinging fast. Highlight his eyes towards the sofa located three steps away from me.

I took a big step, then sat down on the sofa. Winona stopped his steps. The hanging lamp made half of his face invisible.

Is this real? Seeing Winona standing before me. It felt like a dream!

The long hair was unraveling, framing her sweet oval face. Almond eyes still look innocent! That lip, I've kissed it once.

And it almost made me lose control! I don't want to stain him. Even then, desire drowned rationality. I remember, when Winona pulled away. The low whisper of his voice became music in my ears.

Winona laughs softly, ‘bad boy! It's temptation. Ye know? Did you ever..’ Winona snorted small. He shook his hands in front of his face. ‘Jaga me yes. I don't want to regret because we burned desire.’

I shook my head quickly, removing the remnants of the image of Winona resting her head on my shoulders.

“My room is there,” I said while pointing at the room behind Winona.

The girl turned around for a moment, before she looked back at me. “Hard-headedness is a person!” grunts.

“Oh, you want to be here? Don't mistake me if I suddenly come out, and pick you up. Keep me thinking of sleeping next to you.”

Winona took a sharp breath. “If you want to make your own sins! Don't let me get hit.”

I laughed softly. It looks like the atmosphere is warm again. “Everything you sleep in. Yes?”

Winona didn't answer me. The girl just stomped her feet, and just passed by.

When Winona got into the room, I straightened my legs. Stretch my body on this velvet sofa.

Tomorrow, I'll meet Sepia! I'll confirm to the girl, why didn't she give the letter to Winona!