Anesta And Mahesa
The photograph

As soon as I got to my room, I immediately saw that there were many phone calls from Mahesa. I deliberately turned off the phone. Because I know my conversation with Ben is uncomfortable when it's interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

But I feel guilty, I feel betrayed Mahesa. I'll call him right away. I don't want him to think a no-no.

"Hi Bee!. I called you from earlier. Where the hell is it?"

"Dear, sorry I turned off the phone so I didn't know you were calling"

"Yes, where are you going? Go with who? Until you have to turn off the phone"

I think I should lie tonight. I put my middle and index fingers together. As a sign I have lied and promised never to do it again.

"I went out with friends who were in Mess. Have dinner. It's not good to receive your call just so noisy again"

"Hmmm, so yes. What did you eat?"

And I told him about the food, told him about the atmosphere of the restaurant. I finally turned the conversation around about the two of us. How much I miss him, how we feel.

He told me about his work that day, about his script. I was surprised to be able to talk on the phone all that time with him, things we never did when we lived in one city. Maybe because we could easily meet.

Until we were both sleepy and chuckled as we both yawned and let out sleepy sounds.

"Hahaha, Good night Bee!. It seems like we're both already sleepy"

"Yes, I'm so sleepy. My body feels tired too. Good night Mahesa!. I love you" I almost whispered. I immediately hung up the phone and fell asleep.

****

The morning sun's rays pierced through the window of the room, the tinge of it shining down on my face. Feels warm. Suppose I could linger in bed and not have an appointment with Ben.

Hmmmm, that man and his confession last night quite surprised me.

Actually I don't know how to respond. My feelings are flat, ordinary. When I met him, I also felt ordinary.

The strange thumping in my chest, the tummy that felt fluttering, the face that looks careless and warmed that I used to feel when I first met someone I loved I did not feel at the meeting that night.

My heart belongs to Mahesa. There's no room for him.

I know it's not easy for him to make a confession, I appreciate his honesty. But that doesn't mean I fell for his confession and let him come back into my heart. Enough of the years that went by with him.

I picked up my phone, I suddenly missed her "Good Morning Mahesa!". I know there she's smiling.

We talked for a while just saying miss and love. How much I miss this guy.

****

Today I wear khaki pants and a cotton white top, simple white sneakers, a little bag I put down. I waited for him to be explained, always trying to be on time. I don't like to wait and I don't want anyone else to wait because of me either.

"Have you waited a long time?"

"About 15 minutes"

"Have breakfast?"

"Here is breakfast chocolate bread with warm tea. You?"

"Yet, will you accompany me to breakfast?"

"Near your office, there are those who sell vegetables that are really good"

"Madeer's meatball?"

"Not a field vegetable lontong, this is like a field vegetable lontong. But really good Nes"

"Kok suddenly I feel hungry again huh Ben?" I said grimacing.

"Hahahaha, isn't it eating you a lot from the past? I'm surprised, eat a lot but the body can be thin like this"

"Hahahaha, it can be!"

"Look Ben, it'll be bad if you keep talking!"

We drove towards harmony, towards Hayam Wuruk. Then Ben showed me my office position.

"We went there, just stopped by"

"Well, Nes stopped by. Cuisine for work, it's Sunday. We ate there first, which I told you was vegetable lontong"

"That's what I said, too, right?"

We both ate in silence, enjoying a vegetable barn that I thought was delicious. Maybe when I get to work tomorrow, it'll be my favorite breakfast. I will often stop by to eat here.

"Where are we going, Ben?"

"I want to take you to your favorite places"

"The places? Exactly how much is Ben's place?"

"See the time. While in Jakarta as much as possible I take you around Jakarta. So not only know the train station of the same senen market as the port of Tanjung Priok"

"Start deh..ngeledekin!"

I almost pinched his waist, it's one of my reflexes when someone teases me. He caught my hand before he could stop by to pinch it.

I held my finger while looking at my eyes deeply. My tongue is muddy, my netra can only look at the bead of his eyes.

He took my finger to his lips, gently kissed him "I still remember all about you Nes"

"From yesterday when we met, I wanted to kiss you. Feeling your skin touch my lips. Like before"

"I still remember Anesta. Your tenderness is my lips"

I was just quietly fixated, unable to pull my hand away from the touch of her lips. I can't shake it.

I even enjoyed the touch of that lip on my skin, the lips I used to rub with my fingers.

Looking into my eyes, I knew she wanted a kiss that was more than just kissing my finger. I can't take it.

"Ben, we're leaving now!" My words are powerful enough to reawaken him to the real world, that I am no longer his.

"Yes, we're leaving now!"

There was an awkward feeling after the incident, we both quietly enjoyed the song....

We keep this love in a photograph

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Hearts are never broken

And time's forever frozen still

So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

Holding me closer, till our eyes meet

You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home

If you hurt me

That's okay baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me so you can come home

Ed Sheeran drugged me, making me hover with his beautiful voice.

Mahesa, I miss you right now. My heart never gets double. I want to go home and come back in your arms.

Maybe one day we'll live together, and I'll sit in your lap in our nights.

Touching your face, while singing our beautiful canticles both in a soft voice. Until we both fell asleep. I slept in your lap.

I know, Ben was guessing in his heart. There was silence between the two of us. He knew I was uncomfortable with his attitude.

"Anesta, I'm sorry for my attitude. I didn't expect that you were uncomfortable with my attitude"

"I'm too overrated with our closeness. I'm sorry Nes"