Anesta And Mahesa
Dilemmas

In the car several times he glanced at me with a smile.

"Why are you, Ben?"

"It's okay, it's normal"

"That smile. Is there something wrong with my face?" I turned my index finger around my face.

"You're beautiful Anesta"

I'm just a long ohhh. "Thank you Ben"

"You're welcome" he replied with a mischievous smile.

"Later in the afternoon, may I have lunch with you?"

"No, there's a chance I might have to go out into the field to see some of our booths"

"I'm calling?"

"Ben, if I say no, don't. I'm like being stalked like this. I don't like it!" I said ashen

"OK, okay. But I'll go home from work and pick him up. Wait for me, can't go home with any man but me"

"You why the hell? That's myfriend. Don't be possessive!"

"I'd say I want to be with you for the next few days until you get home. I'm not possessive Nes"

"That's whataaa, not the possessive name? Prohibiting me from going home with another man. That's it!"

"No!"

"Pliss de Ben's. Bevel!" I bent my face, I didn't like the way he treated me as if we were lovers.

Suddenly he stopped his car, his body turned to face me.

She kissed my temples, while her hands gently stroked my hair.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I couldn't stop everything, it felt so fast. It is very difficult to stop his charm.

***

My days are like a routine, go and go to work with Ben. Continue with dinner. Saturday and Sunday, he'll take me somewhere. Just walk in the mall, visit the museum, see the music show, watch the cinema. And once invited to hang out with his friends.

After being in my comfortable room, I immediately contacted Mahesa. How much my longing for him is so great.

We told him anything, I'd rather listen to him talk.

I miss his voice. Missing the moments beside her, only silence surrounded us, she clasped my hand and my head fell on her shoulder. Feels peaceful.

As long as we were apart, he talked a lot. Sometimes I smile happily or laugh out loud with his jokes.

Mahesa and Ben are two very different men, I think like the earth with the sky.

***

"Bee, the day after tomorrow so go home?"

"So dong, it hasn't been nearly a month. I think time goes by so fast"

"Hmmm, I feel like time is going slow"

"Well, are you kangen?"

"Yes, I'll pick you up at the station"

"What do you want to bring?"

"Nothing, I just want you"

I feel like running into her warm embrace immediately. Wait for me Mahesa, I'll be back.

***

I started to get frustrated, how else to get him.

A month with him, meeting him every day turned out to make me realize that I still love him, not just my selfish feelings as a man.

And he, Anesta, thinks our relationship is just a casual friendship. I can't get his heart back yet.

I want him to look at me like years ago. I want him to smile at me like he used to. I want her to admire everything that's been to me like before.

But I never got it again. His heart was frozen. His love is not for me.

Tonight, my last time with him. Tomorrow he leaves, when will we meet again. I just wish he had given me a little heart.

***

"I'm going to take you to dinner"

"Every night is like that, right?"

"One day we meet again Ben"

"But I don't know when it's time."

He took me to a restaurant I didn't know exactly where it was.

A restaurant with a garden feel, which instantly made me fall in love.

Shady trees, splashing water, dimly lit lights. The wind adds to the romantic atmosphere.

"Like the place?" His smile broadened, the smile that used to stupefy me.

"Like. Like a garden in a city"

"Hmmm, I didn't choose this place to spend the night with you." He looks bright

"What do you want Ben?"

"Get your heart back"

"Why don't you ever understand Ben?"

"What do I not understand?"

"My soul is no longer yours, so is my heart"

"I understand, I just want it back. Wish you'd come back into my arms"

Right now it's better to be quiet, there's no point arguing with Ben. He will never understand.

We talked as usual, he told me a lot. A handsome, intelligent man, with his strong charm, why would I reject his presence in my heart?.

The more I looked at the twinkle of his eyes, something slipped into my heart.

Those questions revolve in my mind. Really feeling?

It was really my decision to stay with Mahesa.

If I were with him, I wouldn't have to fight for anything.

***

On the way home, he held my hand occasionally.

"Let me Nes, just tonight. Maybe we'll never see each other again" I didn't answer but I didn't pull it off either. I know this isn't true, but I can't resist it either.

Just tonight, yeah just tonight.

"Anesta!" I looked at him before opening the car door

"Yes" I looked at his face, there was sadness there. There was a sudden feeling of guilt present in the heart.

"Thank you for being with me for a month. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable sometimes. I'm sorry for all my mistakes. To this day, I still love you"

I kept staring at his bead, I raised my hand to touch his face. I want to erase her grief with my caress.

I kissed my lips, slowly and deeply. Without me knowing I was kissing her back. We were swept away in a hot kiss. There was a burning turmoil, not wanting to stop it. Then I held my body in his arms, tightly. I stroked my hair with her touch.

"Come back to me Anesta"

I cried in his arms. Dilemmas.

"Ben, thank you for making me happy and feel special. Thank you for yesterday and today. Thank you for your love. I'm sorry"

I let go of my arms, "There will be another woman worthy of your love"

"Tomorrow I'll go, I'm saying goodbye" I kissed her cheeks "Good night Ben!"

My heart is broken to see his loss. Like something is missing from the heart. Like someone took it.

Ben, one day you'll find my replacement.

***

I pulled my car, crossed the night. I want to get rid of the pain in the heart. I'll never get him back. This soul feels empty. Just like before, when we were separated.

I felt like I was on the nadir, falling down hoping to get up again.

***

Tonight, I feel restless. My heart is not calm. Whereas tomorrow Anesta will return, home in my arms.

Is my anxiety about waiting for his return? Or is there something there?

Hope everything's okay. Really, I miss that girl. My anesthesia!

***

Quickly I cleared it all up, enough is my cry. Enough of my heart. I'm going home tomorrow. To find the piece of my heart that was left behind. Hugged him back in a loving embrace.

Mahesa, wait for me! Tomorrow I'll come for you.