Ayunda Shaharani
It hurts, Oh God!

That morning, why did the sun refuse to show its light?

Though that morning a man was very neat and ready to undergo the exam that was in front of his eyes at this time. His loved ones have also been present to encourage and support the man who soon officially got his master's degree.

The atmosphere of the trial was quite thrilling, but Raffa with confidence and a burning spirit was able to complete the test that lasted approximately an hour and a half. When deciding whether to pass is no more thrilling. Minutes later it was stated that Muhammad Raffa Abhimanyu al-Ghifari graduated with a cumloude degree.

The thunderous applause welcomed the success Raffa had. Everyone feels very grateful for the graduation and degree obtained by Raffa at this time.

Raffa did not believe that he would graduate with a cumlaude degree. An infinite pleasure for Raffa. His hard work and effort paid off already.

Inside the room or in the still-in-trial atmosphere, Raffa was flooded with congratulations and hugs from his comrades-in-arms.

The process will lead a person to the success he wants to achieve after exerting hard effort and full of struggle. No success can be achieved without a struggle. Yes, this is how nature shows because in fact many successful people are born after he went through various processes. Starting from the first taste sweet, then turned sour until it must be bitter again. All need the name of the process, enjoy the process and give the best in every process that has been passed. It seems that the struggle is inseparable from the name of the process and according to the process, surely one day we will meet the word "All will be beautiful in time".

From Raffa we learned a lot. Learning the meaning of time management, giving the best at every opportunity. It's like using your time to do something useful. Because time cannot be re-established. If Raffa can not get used to it all is certainly quite impossible he will be declared graduated with a cumlaude degree.

Switch to a place where Ayunda is currently.

At the Ayunda Library has now completed the task of Raffa. Just waiting for Raffa to check and check the results of his work is it good? Is there anything that needs to be fixed? If there is, Ayunda will swiftly fix it.

Ayunda looked at his watch which showed at 10:30 WIB.

Seen the flowers that Ayunda had prepared for Raffa as a congratulation for the graduation of the young lecturer and the authoritative campus that often became the spotlight of the students.

Not to forget in the flower there is a greeting card for Raffa, in the card also embedded poetry that Ayunda wrote yesterday.

Ayunda wholeheartedly surrendered herself to the answer to her feelings. Perhaps at this time he had to venture to become Khadija bint Khuwailid who expressed his intentions first to the Prophet.

Ayunda immediately got up from her seat, turned off Raffa's laptop and left her books and bags in the Library. But before that, Ayunda advised the same librarian as yesterday to take care of his belongings.

With a calm step though if I may be honest his heart wants to run as fast as possible to get to the room where Raffa conducted his thesis exam.

The road is not too long, Ayunda pass by still carrying the flower in a grip full of warmth in his hands.

And then came Ayunda.

He was in front of the room where the thesis exam was taking place.

From a distance Ayunda saw Raffa.

Looks so familiar with a woman and a man who is aged but still looks handsome and beautiful.

Ayunda approached and slowly approached, not yet at where Raffa was standing, Ayunda heard a conversation between them.

"Thank you Pa, Ma for the do'a and support from all of you, thank you" said Raffa and it was heard by Ayunda. Ayunda was pleased that he now knew that the woman and the man were Raffa's parents. The parents of the man he loved.

"Raffa, congratulations! I've been convinced that you will graduate with a degree of *cu*mlaude"

said a man who is quite familiar Ayunda because the man is Adam

Adam is still talking.

On the one hand, Ayunda increasingly tried to approach them. When a few more steps will arrive, a conversation that Ayunda never expected and Ayunda did not want to feel it again was heard without permission in the ears of Ayunda at that time.

"Now you are officially a Raffa lecturer, and not only that, you will soon become a HUSBAND"

"There's a jealous aka pingin" Raffa aggressively mocked Adam

"To be S-U-A-M-I?"

Ayunda sat still with a thousand languages speechless, in his heart Ayunda did not want to accept it, but now appeared from afar on Raffa's finger embedded in a ring. So is all that true? Inner Ayunda.

Ayunda turned around and tears just dripped down her cheeks. The flowers he carried just came out of Ayunda's grasp.

With a giant step, the drumstick was anchored by Ayunda's heart was sick and not ready to accept it.

His heart still wanted more tangible physical evidence and Ayunda ventured to open Raffa's laptop looking for a clue. Who knows, on that laptop, Ayunda has another proof. Some kind of engagement photo or something. It directs the cursor rapidly from various directions. Ayunda had tried to check one by one the applications in the desktop but did not produce any results at all.

The mood was quite painful and it was difficult for Ayunda to express how she felt at the moment. He prayed with earnestness to be given a clue to the events he heard earlier, he said,

"O Allah, please give your guidance to the servant, O Allah. I'm tired of all this"

When he was about to give up on the search, at that time the instructions came by themselves to Ayunda. Along with a rumble in the heart that was engulfing his heart, there was an incoming message in Raffa's e-mail.

Send a video in that email. Ayunda was still hesitant to open it because it was not her right. But he needed more convincing evidence for her. His heart could not be conditioned again, without his hand opening the e-mail and ....

In front of him is now shown a video of the engagement sent by the Raffa candidate as a congratulation from him. In the message sent it also mentioned the reason the candidate could not attend the important moment Raffa, it was all because the bride-to-be was undergoing a pingitan tradition.

Ayunda could only hold her mouth shut with her hands. He really does not believe that the news about the ring is Raffa's engagement ring with the lover is true.

Why didn't he know this reality from the beginning? Why does he know now? His heart now loves.

Why didn't Raffa show this engagement at the beginning? Why are there no signs at the exact beginning? Wh why? Wh why?

If Ayunda knew from a long time ago, it would not be possible for the feeling to develop to the present point.

The revolving questions haunt Ayunda's mind and heart.

Ayunda felt the wound again. A wound he never wanted to feel a second time if I could be honest. He is just a woman Ayunda who tries to keep herself from the forbidden deeds of religion she is just a lover who wants to be loved back by her loved ones. He is just a lover who wants to live in an ark to the one he loves.

But why is love always out of his grasp? Wh why? Yesterday Ustadz Habib, now Mr Raffa?

"How many sins have I ever committed, O Allah, that this wound should be re-enforced?"

isak Ayunda in his heart in silence, in a corner of the room that is rarely reached by people,

"O Allah, it hurts Oh Allah, it hurts ...."

Weak is his heart,

Layu had hoped, he,

Now only tears could be felt in his heart.

Don't know what else to do?

He was tired, tired of the love that never stood by him.

Long enough he let out his tears, because basically it is like that Ayunda once crying will be long enough to stop.

I feel tired crying, though,

He got up and left the room. Tracing the beauty outside the campus area hoping that with it he will also be able to accept the bitter reality in front of him.