I Love You My Step Mother
Destroyed My Heart

Bruk!

I slammed the door. Throw this rough backpack and throw yourself onto the bed. I can't hold it anymore. Anxiety and disappointment make a circle of tears suddenly come out without being asked. It hurt a lot after learning about the shocking news. My heart was hit repeatedly.

I looked out the window, but my mind wandered. Now papa will marry her. How could it possibly be? I felt trapped in this complicated state, helpless against an unexpected destiny.

The feeling of love that I felt was so sincere and deep. Do I have to bury it because now everything is ruined with papa's wedding plans. It is so hard to accept this reality so easily.

I pondered in the silence of the room, trying to understand the mixed feelings raging within. Trying to find answers to the questions that kept struggling in my mind. Why is the world so cruel? Why does the love I feel have to collide with family relationships?

I must find the strength within myself to release this forbidden love. Perhaps this is a test I must undergo, even though it feels like a heart-piercing sword.

Maybe it's time I let the woman go, even if it means seeing her with papa at the aisle.

Right now, I still cry in silence. Trying to let go of all pent-up pain. Maybe someday, I will be able to see this love as a beautiful memory and find a new way to move forward.

Rubbing a rough face, I swore angrily, "fuck it! Why is this sick?"

Stupidhead! I should have loved her a long time ago, then I wouldn't feel this much pain. I hate when I have to accept the fact that she's going to be my stepmother! I want to scream, no!

***

Flashbacks

After school, papa asked me to come home quickly, he said there was something important to say. He wanted to introduce me to someone. Remembering the door this morning, I quickly ran my bike as fast as possible.

In the middle of the trip, my stomach felt heartburn. Parked the motorbike in front of the mosque, I ran towards the toilet because I felt unable to stand it.

Upon arrival at home, I heard the sound of my father talking to a woman. I flinch for a moment. That voice is so familiar to me.

Immediately I step foot into the living room.

"Assala-." Haven't had time to continue this greeting, he suddenly turned his head. Instantly I was stunned.

"Mother Alfira," I murmured in disbelief. Why is Miss Alfira in my house?

"Wa'alaikum greetings," he replied softly with a warm smile he gave.

"Here, son, let's talk to your future mother."

Whahuh? Mama's candidate?'

Suddenly everything was bleak. I was shocked when I heard what came out of papa's mouth just now. I felt myself shaking with a trembling body. Biting the lower lip, I tried to hold back as hard as the tears that asked to come out. Basic lebai!

"Here sit, son. Time to stand there?" he said, patting the sofa beside him asking me to sit down. I just nodded lethargicly, then held myself weakly.

"So gini. Papa just wanted to let you know that in two days papa and Ms. Alfira will have a wedding."

I opened my eyes in surprise. Whahuh? The marriage? I spontaneously turned to Papa.

"Why all of a sudden?" tanyaku.

I was just silent listening to papa's explanation without speaking.

"Even if you are reluctant about this marriage, you will not be able to do anything, because everything has been carefully prepared. So Papa asked for your understanding. Papa's sure Ms. Alfira will be a good wife and mother to us."

'I don't want her to be my mother I want her to be my lover, mine completely!' My mind is in revolt, but my mouth is still.

Oh papa! You don't know how I feel right now that's sick and broken. How could I have blessed your marriage. All I want is to reject the marriage outright. But that, two more days. Where can I refuse it. There's no way that I screwed it up by ransacking, rampaging and then announcing to the whole world that I love her and rejecting this soap opera marriage in India.

I still care about papa, and it's impossible as a child that I humiliated him like that. I love him, too, but now I hate and get upset. But why be upset? you don't know how I feel about Alfira, do you?

The point is, papa is innocent because I never told him about this taste. What's wrong is, papa just told me about the wedding day.

"Dri, how?" ask papa to break my daydream.

Sighing heavily I can only surrender. “Terserah, Papa.” That's all I said.

"You sick, Andrian? Ko pale?" Ms. Alfira makes a sound. He looked at me with a worry on his face. Got me looking at him.

Those brown eyes, that beautiful body and everything that's on Ms. Alfira will belong to you. I threw a look in any direction. Didn't want to be lulled by her pretty face because I felt it was inappropriate to imagine it again.

"I'm fine, ma'am," I replied later.

"Oh. I thought you were okay." Ms. Alfira was heard sipping a glass of warm tea.

"If you say that don't waste your face like that, Andrian, "the reproof of papa that automatically makes me look back at Bu Alfira. He smiled stiffly when he saw me.

"Andrian doesn't know that Papa and Ms. Alfira already know each other." I bowed bitterly. Since when do they know each other? That question came to my mind.

Papa said with a light laugh. "Oh that's .. hahaha that's it."

"Your father was a friend of my father, Andrian. That's why we can meet and know each other." I looked at Ms. Alfira with a frown on my forehead. A pal?

"Can you and Bu Al's dad be best friends?"

I turned my face towards Papa. He smiled shyly as he lifted a cup of coffee. "It's long if it's told now."

Bi Narsih, papa's domestic assistant came while bringing some snacks in the form of pastries and fried bananas on the tray.

The loose hooded middle-aged woman placed two dishes on the table. "Please enjoy, neng .. uh, Mom." Bi Narsih uttered the words while covering her mouth in embarrassment. Maybe he is confused to call Ms. Alfira by the name of neng or mother. You know that Ms. Alfira is very young when she is with papa.

"Yes, thank you, Bi." Ms. Alfira smiled kindly making me drift in her charms.

"Where are you going?" asked papa astonished after seeing me rise up from the sofa.

"Andrian to the room first change clothes."

"Don't be long, we'll eat together" said the father who I replied to a listless nod.

Already unable to bear the situation, walking over I hurried to go to the room. Desperate, tightness in the chest due to an injured heart. My body is weak as if it has no passion.