I Love You My Step Mother
Coalesce

The sound of knocking on the door of the room managed to wake me up from dreamland. Rubbing both eyes, wriggling stretched the muscles then I got up from the bed to open the door.

I walk around occasionally I yawn. Signs are still sleepy. I was suddenly refreshed when I realized who was in front of me now.

"It's morning, you're late for school."

I still glanced at him softly. The woman who was neat with a white blouse and a black skirt on her knees was smiling sweetly at me. Why does he have to smile that way? You know that smile makes me crazy.

"Later to finish your shower down yeah, the food is ready," she said as she graciously flicked the long black hair.

Ms. Alfira chuckled in wonder. "Ko bengong? take a shower." Then he left in front of me.

I shook my head, waking myself up from the daydream. Reminds me not to be fascinated with her anymore. Idiotically. Why these two eyeballs still can not be separated from his back. Until his figure was lost from sight, his shadow remained firmly stuck in my memory. It was a success for me.

Now she's your stepmother, Andrian. Quickly come to your senses and no longer be fascinated with it. My heart screams warning. Bewildered I must accept the harsh reality of it.

***

This is the first time for me and Ms. Alfira to eat at the same table, not as a lover but as a mother and stepdaughter. Really painful.

In between our meals, I saw him pour a glass of warm tea into papa's cup, accompanied by his sweet smile. Looks a smile expands on papa's face and occasionally papa glances at him with flirtatious eyes. Uweek!

Brak!

Both of them turned towards me with shocked faces. Papa almost dropped the cup he was holding.

"What the hell's the buzzer of the table all? Surprise Papa!" papa grouse while stroking the chest. "Thank God, Papa is no hanger!" sipping warm tea in your hand.

"Sorry, Pa. Andrian saw rich cockroaches on the table" I said lying as I scratched my head.

"Then anyway? Papa don't look at me!" Papa wiggly combing around. Not to forget also papa peeked down under the table.

"I don't see it either, Mommy." Ms. Alfira replied as she spread her eyes in all directions. He looked panicked lest Miss Alfira be afraid of cockroaches?

"Have run to the kitchen Andrian had seen, Pa," I obviously lied again and I pretended to be indifferent by continuing to devour the chicken porridge made by Ms. Alfira.

Papa glanced at me for a moment. "Oh yes, if it doesn't exist. Oh yes, later you go to school with Mama Alfira yes. You don't have to bring a motorbike, now bring a car. Papa can't take your mama because Papa's in a hurry."

Hearing papa's words my feelings get mixed up. Happy to be with her, sad because she's not mine and upset that she's my stepmother. Papa got up from his seat while tidying up his shirt.

What the fu*k! I choked when I saw Papa giving a sudden kiss on Ms. Alfira's forehead. Let me throw my face away. My blood was boiling, my breathing was congested and my heart stopped. The food that I had been chewing on somehow turned bitter, as bitter as my love.

"Mas, leave first yes, baby, " whispered papa but I can still hear.

I snorted coldly. While peeping the back of his hand, Papa Alfira also whispered, "yes be careful, Mas."

Then papa stretched out the back of his hand to me to regret it. I had to kiss her lazily.

***

My heart churned with jealousy when I saw Papa and Ms Alfira's interaction looking friendly at breakfast this morning. However, Ms. Alfira tried to melt the atmosphere by inviting me to chat, unaware of the feeling that was raging within me.

"Andrian, are you okay?"

I put on a stiff smile, my eyes still focused forward, driving carefully. "Andrian's fine, ma'am."

Ms. Alfira sounded like she was breathing heavily. "You don't look excited." I was silent not responding. "If you have a story problem, Andrian. Now we're family, don't hesitate."

Taking a tired breath I said, "ah, no, Miss Al. Andrian there's no problem, ko. Andrian's mood wasn't good anymore, so don't worry."

I hope that Ms. Alfira understands that this is not about her, but about the inner fight that I am facing. I long for our comfort and togetherness between students and teachers not as a mother and child.

"Andrian, I want you to know that I'm here for you. If there is a problem or feeling you want to tell me, I will listen with all my heart."

I tried to smile. "Thank you, Ms. Al. Andrian appreciates it."

"All right, if so. But don't hesitate to talk if you want to. We can share with each other."

I glanced to the left side. Ms. Alfira came back to play her phone after a while I did not respond to her again. Seconds later I nodded slowly. "Thank you, Miss Alfira. Andrian will remember that."

Although Ms. Alfira tried to melt the atmosphere with her kindness and warmth, my heart was still heavy. I wanted to be able to open my heart and express my feelings, but I was also afraid of the reaction or the consequences.

I hope someday I can bury this forbidden feeling in her. Ms. Alfira is now my stepmother, and I have no hope of having her.

***

We arrived at school, I parked the car with a heavy heart. I got out of the car, trying to create some distance between myself and Ms. Alfira. Even though I didn't want to hurt her, jealousy and confusion still struck the mind.

Without thinking for too long, I decided to get ahead of Ms. Alfira and walk quickly towards the classroom. I feel the need to give myself this time to reflect and overcome the feeling of being screwed up.

My steps were in a hurry, trying to avoid the gaze of Ms. Alfira who might now be looking at me with a look of wonder. I felt bad, because I didn't want to look rude or ignore his presence, but I needed time to calm down.

When I arrived at the classroom door, I paused for a moment and took a deep breath. Trying to control emotions and hurt. Pondered for a moment and thought that I should erase this feeling, but it wasn't that easy.

I opened the door and went inside. I hope today will bring clarity and courage in the face of my feelings.

"Ciee, who's got a new mama." The tengil Doni nudged my arm as I was about to sit down on the bench.

Lazy snorting, I snorted annoyedly. "Shut up!"

"Where, Bro. You didn't denger d*sahan in your bokap room last night?"

I glared angry at him. Doni may ask things that make my mood so more chaotic this morning. "What the hell are you?"

He's even chuckling. "Hahaha .. I just ngiri same bokap you, very lucky dapet young leaves."

I chose to take out the IPA book and read it, trying to be indifferent to the shit that sucks Doni.