Love Without Crown
Marriage Testing (Part II)
Since my mother told me that there was automation from the other party, I felt more stressed but had to be hidden from zul because I did not want to add to the burden of his life. Zul and Mami sell the remaining assets of papi and their own, I can no longer help because the assets in my name have all been sold, mama's assets are still there, mama's assets are still, but we didn't push out because of other considerations.
My head hurts, I want to knock it against the wall, I want to get angry and slam something. I hugged myself for a moment to calm down, I closed my eyes while pulling and exhaling. The situation was calm so I cleaned the rented house because it felt messy.
“Honey, just not cleared?” Zul asked curiously.
“Yes, but I'm less clean, look it's irregular right?” I answered while pointing towards the rows of glass glasses and then stretched away.
“Rapih gini kok” Sounded zul sound that was observing the glass from a close distance, I just
smiling looking at his behavior.
***
A year passed, Zul and I stood in front of the rented house, looking closely at two objects
that means, the effort to pay off the remaining 2% again, and the remaining assets are only one motorbike and one bicycle, only one motor remains. Both objects were not sold because they served as a vehicle to make a living, we went all out, we used to eat a plate of both that was left for the next meal. Impressed to suffer once, but a sense of sincerity and gratitude makes us enjoy it, for the sake of living without debt, even the assets of mama in the end are sold also for repayment, repayment, no longer a big house because mama has been sold, now mama lives in the suburbs with mami.
“Honey, sorry to make you hard”
“Nothing zul, we start again ya”
“I want to work in a mining company in Kalimantan, what do you think?”
“I'll go wherever you go, zul.”
“If you don't live there is also okay, baby, I will routinely return home”
“Lets go together, I will try to work there also”
***
Currently inhaling air in Kalimantan, like a dream because it was unimaginable before it could return here. I deliberately didn't tell my friends here before
because he wanted to focus on adapting first, Zul got a job call based on job vacancies from his friend in his old company. My memories of years in Borneo danced in the head, including the memory of the pack
arcans.
“Honey, save ya this money” Voice zul surprised me.
“Ohhh..okay!”
I went into the room to save the money from taking over the cost of the rented house, the memory continued to dance on the head, suddenly the dizziness attacked back, I lay my body on the mattress and then fell asleep. Before actually falling asleep, I saw the zul staring from near the window, staring fixedly as if so worried with
my circumstances.
***
Zul looks to be tidying up a room that looks messy, lots of broken things and
scattered, such as after someone quarreled or someone deliberately destroyed. I asked zul, zul said that it was his act of anger, of course the answer made my forehead wrinkled, zul was not the one who did it, he said, but maybe there was something that made him so angry that it was venting on the stuff.
together, though inwardly wondering could zul do such a thing,
it still feels unbelievable, did the heavy things we've been through so far change his habit of being grumpy who destroys things? Honestly, I feel afraid of the changes that exist in zul, especially when it is wandering, there is no mama or mami, but there is no, and there's no way I'm telling them because I haven't seen Zul's act.
***
This morning, the house looks messy again even the window glass looks broken, like a second hand thrown around. The glass scattered everywhere.
“Zul!!”
“Honey, I'm angry again, sorry yes, later the window will be fixed”
Tears could not be contained anymore, my body fell down to the floor, I hugged my knees as if I still could not believe what happened, my head was full of questions about why everything happened, really surprising. Zu approached and hugged me, convinced that he would not hurt me and would be with me no matter what until the end of his life. I'm a little calm because Zul is the kind of person who keeps his word, I'm sure he won't hurt me until death comes to me. Choosing to be loyal to him, maybe people will say stupid, but it's okay because this has become the choice I take.
I got up and let go of his embrace and then helped clean up the messy room, an idea came to my head if there was no need to put anything in this room, so that when the angry zul did not destroy the objects. Zul is a good man, I don't want anything bad to happen to him, he should be fine
to not be like me. I understand that at the moment he is changing like that because the problem is so big, he has to pay off tens of billions of debts due to his stepfather, he said, not a dime enjoy the money but must be pursued deptcollector. At the moment, we are trying to start from scratch again in terms of financially desperate, have to rearrange plans
made before.
My vision felt unclear, it was getting darker, and then I felt like I was somewhere
very familiar, childhood home. Seeing the happiness of a small family, my brother and I ran here and there, mama and papa happily watched while drinking their favorite green tea. The happiness had to be shattered, when a great tall figure took me away to an empty house, a very large and dirty house, many doors but none of them could open. The large tall black figure looked at me sharply, its eyes were red, its hands were long-nails, it was,
ready pounce. As much as possible running and running, unfortunately just circling in the room, I gave up when her big hand grabbed my tiny body.
“aaaaaaaaaaaaaa..!!!” I screamed while opening my eyes.
“I am where?” I was curious about Zul.
“You're in the hospital, baby. Last fainted at home” The answer was calm.
“I'm sorry I can't take care of you, you're surprised because I'm angry?”
“No, maybe I'm just tired”
***
I opened my eyes because of the glare with the light on the sidelines of the window curtains, had five days in the hospital, Zul could not always accompany because he had to work as well, but no problem. I saw Zul tidying up my messy stuff, like being thrown around, so surprised to see the zul come back like that, why did he have to get angry in such a scary way?. Zul realized that when I woke up, he immediately approached me with a calm smile, he stroked my hair.
“Sorry me again yes, dear”
“It's okay, zul”
When we talked a doctor came to check on me and said my physical condition was getting better.
“Please do not tell the truth at this time, dok” Whisper zul to doctor
“Em” Doctor's response with a smile.