Love Without Crown
The Undone Love

About Zul

It was like being claustrophobic to the point of not being able to breathe with relief, this time about a relationship that ended because we lost, rather I. I couldn't get an LDR, suspicious of being a daily meal, despite being well aware that she was a loyal woman. Why is he busy working when I'm already established? I was able to finance her needs and lifestyle, repeatedly persuading her to come with me but always failing, she was concerned about her career.

Early break up with diana, I feel able to get more from her, a woman who is obedient and put me first as her partner. But, gradually I often miss her, as if nothing special seemed to me, already some of my women were dating, but in the end decided on them. It feels like saying hello again, but this self is coward enough to just ask the news, every day took the time to see social media as a longing remedy. Diana is a tough woman, she is not concerned about her career but she is the one who is responsible to the end for all the decisions she chooses, I who fail to understand it and selfishly want to take precedence, all this time, he was trying to give his best for me.

A few years of living with her without marriage is a great sin in the name of love, living the same day with her knowing more and more of her character that she is a good woman, despite her bad past. He kept it a secret because it might hurt him so much, seen when just a little talk about his past he would get angry while shedding tears. Secretly probing his past, from the results of the investigation conducted in conclusion I was the second man who lived with him without marriage ties, he said, I also knew that he set me up so we slept in a hotel that did something he shouldn't have done, maybe he thought I was a virgin, and my life was much darker than hers because I always took the crown of the woman I was dating.

The encounter with Diana changed the mindset that loving is caring not destructive. Who would have thought that diana herself was a trap, I knew it was a trap but pretended not to know and enjoy it, until it became a routine that was done while living together. Am I part of a love slave?, a few years of secrecy about living together became a feat in itself, years of not getting tired of it being something special.

“Ahhhh Pain felt in the chest.

“Why are you, zul?” Ask the woman in front of me I just dated three hours ago.

“I go home first yes.” Leave him immediately even though he hasn't agreed.

“You are sick from love, zul” Her voice I heard is soft.

No matter the circumstances around, the point is I have to go home because of the pain that is becoming more. Every accidentally remember or see someone who is similar to diana, it feels chest pain, feels pain that does not know the exact location where, when checking to the doctor is physically healthy. The effort that can be done is to strengthen myself to have the courage to meet diana, I accept this pain because of the selfishness in the past that made her go from my life, I am the one to blame. Based on the information I got, diana didn't have a boyfriend after the breakup, probably traumatized because of me.

***

“What sins have you ever committed, zul?” Ikhsan asked, my best friend.

“Many.” Answer's short.

“Remember, zul. You beg for forgiveness and learn to live better.” Advice me.

“Iya, ikhsan.”

I began to reflect on all the sins I had committed in the past, very evil in my actions, not one bit to repent, which became common. I began to mislead who I had hurt, of course, the ex-girlfriends I was trapped to sleep with, it was not brave but had to be able to account for it. Maybe what is happening right now is God's punishment of me, looking for their contacts one by one through friends, suspected of CLBK, some even advised to be careful because some ex are married. The goal is not to be in a relationship with them anymore, nor to ruin the happy life they have today.

Everyone has forgiven me, even though someone slapped me, he was the best ex, which I deliberately damaged so that his life became dark, but after breaking up with me he chose to repent, he said, not like me who's still wandering around to find diana. It turns out that what Ikhsan said was true, I had to learn to live better before whining to ask God for something.

[Melody, we broke up] Chat I sent.

[Oh, how come you're not angry?]

[I know that your heart is still filled with others, that often makes you sick, may you mate with him, if you need help contact me]

[Thank you Mel, once again I apologize]

Melody is so understanding, maybe what she says is true because every day diana is not separated from memory. I no longer look for an outlet, but focus on improvement, every day always praying to God for diana, I am a man who still hopes to mate with her, he said, one day will come in Diana's life not to ask her to stay together to leave her job, but to apologize and ask for her.

Memories about diana are still so attached, it is not uncommon to accidentally go to a city where we once lived together, to catch a glimpse of our empty residence because it was abandoned. Down the streets of the city, reminiscing about how we often went through it to go to college or work. Wading into a place that was once a favorite place for two to just eat together or unwind, all the memories stored so sweet. The city is changing, but it can still be remembered about the story that has become the past.

***

“Zul, you have been single years, your age has been mateng, watch out for rotten hounds” Celoteh mami to me.

“Dikira fruit noodles, putrid so.” My response while laughing.

“Mami wants grandchildren, zul” Say mami with lips manyun.

“Iya, mi, tomorrow I adopt anak” I replied lazily.

“Ihh, your child ajelah zul” Protests mami.

“This, child temen mami, try to amaze who knows fit” Connect mami without warning hand over a large brown envelope.

I opened the brown envelope that my mother gave me, how shocked it turned out to be the contents of the photo and the biodata diana, the crows did not believe I pinched my cheeks, it was not a dream. Happy to be mixed, maybe this is the answer to my prayer all this time. When I asked mommy, it turned out that her mother diana was a new friend of mama, who was looking for a mate for her son, since then they were close and agreed to match her children, who were both looking for a mate, but because our busyness is only realized at this time.

The body feels cold hot when it is time to meet diana, imagine the awkwardness that will be faced, the meeting for the first time after so many years of separation. In the end, he was reunited with her again, although all this time I had tried to establish a relationship with another woman, diana was not able to be replaced.

My net was on a woman whom I had longed for, getting more beautiful and graceful. Diana walked towards the table where I was sitting, rumbling in the chest, somehow having to say hello until she was unconscious in front of me.

“Diana” Sapaku with full of awkwardness.

“Zul?” Diana tried to make sure.